A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for a year, I was his first girlfriend, first everything basically. He's the most amazing guy I've ever dated. We've stuck by each other through loss, fights with friends, unemployment, and other situations. It made things really hard. Being more experienced, the sex was an issue for me at first, he wasnt very good. But as our relationship grew, I got used to it, then I cheated on him. The first time, he seemed like he'd accepted it and loved me enough to stay. He did. But then I did it again, and almost fell under the spell of a player who found my weakness through being a shoulder while my boyfriend and I were fighting. I realized after nearly losing my boyfriend, just how important he is. But now I'm in the same situation again, and this time I'm not sure why. I have such strong feelings for this other guy, it's almost made me push my boyfriend to dump me. That isn't like me. I always thought he was so amazing and Id never find anybody as remarkable. Until now. This other guy treats me like a queen. And it's not just lust. I called off the sex because I couldn't take the guilt, and he stuck around, he was fine with it. I have intense feelings for them both, I don't know what to do. Help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Dont listen to these other replies, they're rude and insulting. You just need to take a step back and realize that maybe a change is for the best. You cant decide because even after a year its hard to step out of the habit. You think youre going to have to stop caring and being involved with him completely. It would hurt if this is the choice you make, but his happiness is key. Think of it that way. If this other guy makes you happy, go for it. Just because he's involved with you and knows youre taken doesn't make him a player. Ask about his previous history. If you can stop having sex with "the other man" and he still hangs around, when he could be getting some from any other girl, that may not say alot but it can say something. Ask him his intentions and what he sees for the two of you. Step outside both relationships and evaluate the pros, cons, and how and who fits in with your life and needs better. This will clue you in to the working or ending current relationship, and whether or not this new guy is suited for you. If its neither, take some you time to get organized before you get back in the game, because cheating puts way too much pressure and mental exhaustion on you. Keep your head up.
A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86  +, writes (5 November 2009):
You need to break up with your boyfriend. He deserves much better than someone who would repeatedly cheat on him, because she keeps falling "under the spell" of players as you so eloquently put it. Don't blame the players, blame yourself. You are self-centered and have your priorities messed up. If you can't be faithful to someone you are with, you really have no right to be with them in the first place. The fact that you keep repeating the cheating shows that you think that you can continually use this man without repercussions and don't have any moral qualms about doing so. Sure, we would all like to have our cake and eat it too, but that's not the way the world operates. Eventually he will say muster up enough self-respect to say "no more" and leave you.As for this other guy, don't believe for a second that he would actually want to date someone like you. He knows exactly what you've been doing to your boyfriend, screwing around on him. Why would he want to date someone who he knows is a cheater? He'll keep you around as long as you keep putting out, as many, many men would, but he doesn't think you're a good person who he would actually want to commit to.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Your subconscious is sabotaging your relationship with your boyfriend because you don't really want to be in it. You are setting the situation up so that you don't have to be the one to break up. You don't want to do it or think about doing it, so your subconscious is helping you out by engineering a situation that will result in the end of the current "official" relationship.
You're really not ready to be in a committed relationship. Give your current guy the courtesy of setting him free to find someone who is. I know, I know, you were his first everything and therefore you will be breaking his heart into smithereens if you break up with him. Do it anyway, his heart will be in smithereens either way.
Your boyfriend might be the best guy around, but if you were really in the relationship, you wouldn't be falling for a player or cheating on him.
You're going to take a lot of heat, cheaters aren't terribly popular around here, but try to keep in mind that most of the really angry people were cheated on. And they know how much it hurts.
Let him go. You'll grow up a bit and figure things out eventually. Just don't turn your boyfriend into a bitter, distrustful man because of the fact his girlfriend cheated on him not just once, but actually entered into a separate relationship a second time.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, metalsman  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Don't date anyone right now, you're not emotionally stable enough to lend enough maturity to a partner who honours you but you can't reciprocate.Just listen to what you're saying here.."He's the most amazing guy I've ever dated" quote. But then there was this other, and then another, and now yet another one which you're cheating with..!!!!Give the guy a break, if you're his first girlfriend as such you're tainting him with a pretty dim view of female morals..let him go and find someone who has some respect.
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