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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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Will I cum the first time?
Q. Me and my girl are ready for sex talk, about what it might feel like and what we actually do. I'm wondering how many times i need to move my penis in and out to come-is there enough friction with a condom on. also i want my girl to enjoy it....
A. 24 January 2008: Most guys - something like 95% or more - cum far too easily, and much too quickly, the first time they have sex. A considerate partner who understands your physiology may help you have an orgasm before attempting penetration, then try intercourse ... (read in full...)
Where is the best "place" to ejaculate?
Q. My fiance' and I are both virgins and have agreed to not have sex until our wedding night (we want that to be a special time for the both of us). While I have never had sex before, I do understand quite a bit and have read up on several things. My ...
A. 23 January 2008: The majority of couples, most of the time, prefer the guy to ejaculate in her vagina. This usually feels more "complete" and satisfying to both partners. Both guys and girls often get great satisfaction from being with their partners at orgasm and ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and he's 20...is this ok??
Q. Hi, Im 15 atm and I met a fantastic guy in the summer. He is 20. We have both had feelings for each other for about 10 months now and he wants us to have a relationship. He is a good person and he wont do anything with me until im 16 in feb 08 but ...
A. 23 January 2008: Mental and emotional maturity is more important than chronological age difference. I don't think it's wrong for a 16 year old to have a relationship with a 21 year old, but it may not be a good idea to make it a sexual relationship just yet. If ... (read in full...)
Am I still a virgin? I need advice please.
Q. i decided to have relationships with my boyfriend, when we were about to,i got scare and told him to stop, so he did, but i believed i was still a virgin since i didnt feel nothing go in, but he told me he did feel our parts touch and went in a ...
A. 23 January 2008: It sounds like you are still a virgin. This gives you more time to think through and consider whether you are really ready to add sex to your relationship.... (read in full...)
He does oral on me but..he stops so quickly. What should I say?
Q. i give my boyfriend oral all the time but when ever he starts to pleasure me he only does it for a few minutes then stops before i have time to orgasm any tips on hints i could give him? thanks =)...
A. 23 January 2008: What should you say? You should say, "We're really not ready for this kind of intimate activity yet. Your reluctance to reciprocate is one bit of evidence for this, my inability to communicate my desires is another.".
More experienced couples ... (read in full...)
Communicating about sex...woman to man...advice?
Q. How does a guy like a woman to communicate what will bring her to orgasm? What's an example of the words and tonality that will work in a positive way for him? ...
A. 23 January 2008: I can't say much about his ego since I don't know him. Some male egos (and female, too) are pretty fragile and some don't even notice when they are being carved by chainsaws and sledgehammers.
He really needs to know that you want things d... (read in full...)
I can only orgasm on top of him but lately he 's been losing his erection!
Q. I have been married since Sept. 07 and I am 7 months pregant. The only way that I can have an orgasm is if I am on top. We used to mostly have sex that way, he seemed to like it a lot too. But the last few months, when I try getting on top, his ...
A. 23 January 2008: This sounds like one symptom caused by many problems. You're pregnant for the 2nd time in one year - the pregnancy itself is a contributing factor, your other child is a contributing factor, your recent marriage is a contributing factor, your ... (read in full...)
I need help in seeing the reality of my own pain! What the most painful thing that has happened in your lives?
Q. What are the most painful things happened to you,,in your lifetime so far? I'm curious, what are the most hurtful things, what happened t others, and how they deal with it, as I feel, my life is full of pain, and everybody else seem to have smooth ...
A. 23 January 2008: (Once again I'm too inept to post a link. It should be [ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Take_My_Hand,_Precious_Lord ] but you will have to cut-and-paste the whole thing - including the comma before "_Precious_Lord" - to see the correct web page.)... (read in full...)
I need help in seeing the reality of my own pain! What the most painful thing that has happened in your lives?
Q. What are the most painful things happened to you,,in your lifetime so far? I'm curious, what are the most hurtful things, what happened t others, and how they deal with it, as I feel, my life is full of pain, and everybody else seem to have smooth ...
A. 23 January 2008: Intellectually you know that everyone experiences pain but it sure hurts when you don't see others affected in the same way as you. "The Problem of Pain", by C.S. Lewis, has been cited as a book that integrates an intellectual, scholarly, ... (read in full...)
Communicating about sex...woman to man...advice?
Q. How does a guy like a woman to communicate what will bring her to orgasm? What's an example of the words and tonality that will work in a positive way for him? ...
A. 23 January 2008: Is this a question about communicating during lovemaking, or communicating over pizza at lunch?
While making love I'd say that body language says more than words. Maybe that's because I've been with the same lady for decades, and we've learned ... (read in full...)
Is there such thing as internet love?
Q. Is there such thing as "internet love"? I've registered for a website sort of like myspace just for fun however, I didn't know I would come across someone I thought I'd find interesting. Sometime, in the beginning of November of 2007, he sent...
A. 22 January 2008: Not exactly like the internet, but my wife & I mailed each other (letters on real paper, or friendship cards, or token gifts) for 3 months before we met in person. A year later we married, and have been for over 30 years.
The differences are that... (read in full...)
What's the next step up the ladder from kissing, but not actually having sex?
Q. hey ok so this is just a question about where, and how to go from kissing, bt not leading to sex. I always have great fun with guys, kissing them, but i always get the impression during kissing these guys that they want more. and i know id like it ...
A. 22 January 2008: If you are kissing - REALLY kissing - you've already started leading him to sex.
The question should be, "What can we do short of sex?". The answer is, "Just about anything classified as 'foreplay'.". And what is "Going too far"? That que... (read in full...)
How can we get enough time to be alone so we can start on oral sex??
Q. hey aunts, So I've got a boyfriend of just over 9 months, and we reeeally want to start moving forward with hanjobs and blowjobs, maybe but we cant find the chance to be alone for very long. We went to a movie to try it, but i was nervous about al...
A. 21 January 2008: One reason you can't manage to be alone is because you are probably too young for this kind of activity - petting, outercourse, fooling around, bundling, or whatever you call it. Back off from the physical sensuality a little. There's still a lot ... (read in full...)
Baby's names! who gets the last word?
Q. A while ago, I wrote in about wanting to be preggie all the time, even though a baby is still out of the question for some particular reasons which I will not discuss at this time because, well, they're irrelevant to the question, and the question ...
A. 21 January 2008: In some places the mother has a legal right to name the baby and in other places it's the father.
That technicality aside - it's one of those decisions that couples make by whatever method suits them. My father had a Scottish surname and my p... (read in full...)
What's preferrable: big boobs or small boobs?
Q. So, what do guys prefer?? big boobs or small boobs?? Personally ive got big boobs so knw how guys react to them. But really wats better?? xxx...
A. 21 January 2008: My wife is an A-cup, and I can hardly keep my hands off her. And she cooperates - she doesn't need a bra and seldom wears one so her natural shape (nipples and all) is outlined by her top and she is always available for a loving caress or fondle. ... (read in full...)
How can I give my bf a good orgasm without full-blown sex??
Q. Hey, agony aunts. I really need help. I've been with my boyfriend for a while now, and we've been taking things slow, but we're starting to think about fooling around a bit. Nothing major, we know we're too young to start anything too serious,...
A. 21 January 2008: Look at the recent thread "B.J's What else can we do, besides full sex?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/bjs-what-else-can-we-do-besides-full.html ] for answers to your question.
You are probably too young for this kind of activity - pettin... (read in full...)
Should I worry about not being able to orgasm during sex?
Q. I'm getting quite worried, because I just can't orgasm during sex. I can when he licks me out, or rubs my clitoris, but during actual intercourse it doesn't really turn me on to a point where I can orgasm... Is there a problem? I know there's ...
A. 21 January 2008: The worst thing you can do is worry about it.
A lot of women - maybe most - have difficulty reaching orgasm from vaginal stroking alone. different couples have a variety of solutions to this problem, and others don't see it as a problem at all -... (read in full...)
B.J's What else can we do, besides full sex?
Q. my boyfriend loves b/j. and i want to do other things along with that. so what can we do other than have sex? ...
A. 21 January 2008: First of all be totally in agreement on what will NOT happen, and under what circumstances you will move on to full penetrative sex. Make sure that both of you respect each other's limits, will help each other honor them, and won't take advantage ... (read in full...)
What advice can I give my friends?
Q. My friends have a problem. Okay,theyr'e both 17(well the guy is about to be 18) T(the guy)and A(the girl) are both virgens. They love eachother ALOT and have been dating since they were 13.So,they both talked to eachother(and me) about ...
A. 21 January 2008: One more thought: Because you said, "Also,so they can stop calling every 10 mins asking me questions when I'm a virgen too.and have no clue as to what to do.", it sounds like they're doing it mostly so they can brag about the fact that they've done ... (read in full...)
What advice can I give my friends?
Q. My friends have a problem. Okay,theyr'e both 17(well the guy is about to be 18) T(the guy)and A(the girl) are both virgens. They love eachother ALOT and have been dating since they were 13.So,they both talked to eachother(and me) about ...
A. 21 January 2008: It sounds to me like they're not really ready to add sex to their relationship. Perhaps "sex" seems like the natural next step listed on some impersonal check-list of things that couples do in a relationship. It doesn't seem like they have the ... (read in full...)
Ready to have sex but too embarrssed!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for over 3 months now. I have sucked him off and given him a hand-job. As he is two years older than me, he says he doesnt want to have sex as i am not ready yet and he says that he is happy with waiting ...
A. 20 January 2008: Statistically most women say that physically their first time was somewhere between "moderate discomfort" and "hurt like hell". A significant minority report little or no discomfort. Both guys and girls say their first time included nervousness, ... (read in full...)
Could I have tips on how to spice up your sex life? All opinions welcome!
Q. Could I have tips on how to spice up your sex life? All opinions welcome! No matter how strange. I'm just curious, and looking for new ways to impress in the bedroom. I know I could just google it, but I love this site, and thought I'd give it a go ...
A. 20 January 2008: Take a look at the thread "Can you give me some tips on spicing up our sex life???" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/can-you-give-me-some-tips-on-spicing.html ] where almost the same question was asked.... (read in full...)
Trying to have a baby, any ideas??
Q. My husband and I have been married one year on August 3, 2007. We decided after being married for a year we would try and have children. We are both 21 (I know we're young but we are ready) Anyways, no matter what we do we can't seem to get ...
A. 19 January 2008: "Secret tips"? How about going to the Prom! Sometimes it seems that half the 16-year olds who go to the Prom come home pregnant.
OK, maybe that joke was not in good taste. There is a good discussion about becoming pregnant in the thread "... (read in full...)
I was just wondering . . . . ?
Q. i was just wondering how many people end up with a person that they went out with when they were younger??...
A. 19 January 2008: I can understand your question two ways:
- "How many couples meet, then move on to other partners or other interests, but come back to each other as permanent partners?", or
- "How many couples meet their life partners when they are (say) 17... (read in full...)
What's the best position for sex???
Q. Im just curious to find out which is the best sexual position....... xxx...
A. 19 January 2008: In response to:
"A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008):
i was just wondering whats the best position that men like and enjoy the most . . . I WANA PLEASE HIM"
What PLEASES me the most is giving my partner satisfaction, especi... (read in full...)
What's the best position for sex???
Q. Im just curious to find out which is the best sexual position....... xxx...
A. 19 January 2008: Best?? What is the best dinner? What is the best blouse? You'll have to give some more criteria.
In general, the person on top gets the easiest orgasm. Humans, unlike animals, have a preference for making love face-to-face but also enjoy ot... (read in full...)
I'm 17, he's 16. My friends put me down for liking someone younger!
Q. hey guys theres this guy that i like, he also really likes me. however im 17, and his 16 and my friends wont stop putting me down because they think the guy should never be younger even thought its only 1 year. I know u shouldnt listen to other pe...
A. 19 January 2008: I don't think a 1-year age difference is necessarily a problem. Mental and emotional maturity is much more significant - but isn't likely to be a MAJOR problem unless you're a very mature 17-year old and he's an especially immature 16-year old.
... (read in full...)
How can I persuade her that sex is not repulsive?
Q. There is a major problem with my relationship. My partner thinks sex is repulsive. We have not engaged in any physical acts other that kissing and such but nothing sexual in nature. She was brought up very conservatively and strictly on the nature ...
A. 19 January 2008: Your great-grandmother was probably taught that sex should be done in the dark, as quickly and quietly as possible, and once - per child. Even in her day I doubt that most women actually believed that. I agree this will definitely be a problem ... (read in full...)
How can I get on top and go at it more quickly?
Q. I know this sounds stupid, but when me and my bf have sex, when I'm on top (like, resting slightly forward, putting weight on my hands which are either side of his head) I can't seem to go fast enough. It's hard to go fast, and I know this is how h...
A. 18 January 2008: A lot of guys find it more difficult to climax when they are on the bottom. Usually this is a good thing - their partner gets more, and better, orgasms. When she is satisfied they simply roll into a position that is more stimulating for him and he ... (read in full...)
What would you say, how young is too young?
Q. Right then, I'd just like to ask your opinions on "how young is too young"? I'm 22, and have feelings for a younger girl, she's 15. I don't care about sex, I just have loads of feelings at the moment for her, I feel like she's too young, she ...
A. 18 January 2008: "Too young" for what?
Obviously, not too young for you to be attracted. Perhaps not even too young for you to love. But mentally and emotionally she is probably MUCH less mature than you are. Most folks observing your relationship (probabl... (read in full...)
Are there any creams or remedies that dimiss the hurt during the "first night"?
Q. I am 22 and I am a virgin. More so, I am a virgin who just got engaged. I really want to have sex and so does my man - not that hes pressuring me at all. The problem is every time I try it hurts too much... i've used copious amounts of lube ...
A. 18 January 2008: I'd say August is a pretty good month for getting married. On August 31, 1974 we had been back from a wonderful honeymoon in Nova Scotia for about a week.... (read in full...)
Will I ever get another chance to be a mother?
Q. When I was 21 I had to make the most difficult decision of my life, to have an abortion. Myself and my partner have been trying for a baby for over a year. Because I haven't conceived yet, we are both blaming ourselves as he suspects he maybe ...
A. 18 January 2008: This is primarily a medical question. Most of us do not have the training, and none of us have the in-person observations or tests to give you an accurate answer. Please consult your doctor. A physician can find (or rule out) some potentially ... (read in full...)
My husband is a deployed military, I need his economical support, he didn't help me. Too proud to ask specifically. Are American men like this?
Q. Hello Dear Friends, Let me tell you a little bit of my situation. In the month of June I got married to a military (USAF) I am Mexican and he is American, in the month of August he was deployed to Korea, I came back to Mexico were I was living bef...
A. 18 January 2008: (Former USAF here, 1975-81.) What your husband is saying is not accurate and he should know better!
If you are legally married your husband has an obligation to assist with your support and the military services recognize this. Your husband ... (read in full...)
Does it hurt a guy when he loses his virginity?
Q. ok something has been bothering me or annoying me for some time now my friend was asking me when guys loose the viginity does it hurt please tell me ...
A. 18 January 2008: Thanks for the question, "cyprus_gal". If you ever find yourself having sex with a virgin guy, first of all I hope it's your first time too. But whether or not it's your first, please have a little respect for his situation. You can potentially ... (read in full...)
Does it hurt a guy when he loses his virginity?
Q. ok something has been bothering me or annoying me for some time now my friend was asking me when guys loose the viginity does it hurt please tell me ...
A. 17 January 2008: Physically, yes it CAN hurt. I know from experience - a guy might THINK he knows where and how to put it in, but if you don't have the right location or right angle when you you give that push toward heaven it's gonna hurt! And if the girl is also ... (read in full...)
Did I make a mistake by not telling him I am a virgin?
Q. hi everyone, ive recently had my first kind of relationship but it only lasted 3 weeks the guy i was kind of seeing was a lot older then me and more exprienced he had 3 children,anyway i stayed round his house about 4 times and really wanted to have ...
A. 17 January 2008: Things always look so much different in the rear-view mirror!
Yes, you should have told him that you were totally inexperienced. If for no other reason than the physiological mechanics - though I believe the mental and emotional reasons are even... (read in full...)
What makes a guy a virgin?
Q. In the thread, "What makes you are Virgin?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-makes-you-are-virgin.html , a girl asked how "virgin" was defined for women. How about a FOLLOW-UP QUESTION: Girls, how do you define a virgin guy? Does h...
A. 17 January 2008: Gee, I didn't mean to start an argument!
Like "Cateyes" noticed, I was only curious about how people set the limits. The question of "How far can we go?" has been around for a LONG time, and the answer isn't always the same. Not ALL changes ... (read in full...)
Are there any creams or remedies that dimiss the hurt during the "first night"?
Q. I am 22 and I am a virgin. More so, I am a virgin who just got engaged. I really want to have sex and so does my man - not that hes pressuring me at all. The problem is every time I try it hurts too much... i've used copious amounts of lube ...
A. 17 January 2008: It is VERY REWARDING to know that somebody at least reads the replies to a question! Please return at least one more time and let us know how it went. Which suggestions were useful, and which were way off base. Your first-hand experience might be ... (read in full...)
Tips on giving great oral sex to women
Q. How do I give great oral to my woman? Any tips from experienced women here? I would really appreciate it....
A. 16 January 2008: ("Annalisa", I think you mean "clitoris" or "clit" - not her hymen!)... (read in full...)
What do guys look for in girls?
Q. What do guys look in girls? ive never had a boyfriend as im not very pretty. Also how do you know if a guy does fancy you?...
A. 16 January 2008: Yes, initially there needs to be at least a little bit of physical attraction. But having said that - "Attractive" REALLY IS in the eye of the beholder!
Take a look at the couples around you. Not necessarily the folks you see at school, ... (read in full...)
He wants me on top and I don't know how! Any tips?
Q. Hello, i know this probably sounds stupid but id really appreciate your advise. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now (his my first) and we love each other very much, every time we sleep together he is normally on top but recently he is hinti...
A. 16 January 2008: Just experiment to find what feels best. You might prefer to squat over him, or maybe laying out full-length on top of him feels better. If you lay out full length, try putting your legs together with his legs outside of yours. You can use your ... (read in full...)
Are there any creams or remedies that dimiss the hurt during the "first night"?
Q. I am 22 and I am a virgin. More so, I am a virgin who just got engaged. I really want to have sex and so does my man - not that hes pressuring me at all. The problem is every time I try it hurts too much... i've used copious amounts of lube ...
A. 16 January 2008: "birdynumnums" gave the technical, medical, answer that you should carefully consider.
If you want to have one more try at doing it the "old fashioned way", here's a suggestion:
The best "cream or remedy" is about an ounce of ethanol, mixed w... (read in full...)
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