A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone, ive recently had my first kind of relationship but it only lasted 3 weeks the guy i was kind of seeing was a lot older then me and more exprienced he had 3 children,anyway i stayed round his house about 4 times and really wanted to have sex but was not sure where to start and he was doing everything, the thing is i never told him i had not had sex before as because of my age and thought he would joke about it, but he keep saying he felt dirty as he was doing everything, then it ended by him saying i need someone on my own level. im not sure if it was because of the sex he just wanted that or because i really upset him, did i do wrong by not telling him im not that confident where he was? plus i would really like him back. Thanks for your time sorry its a bit long Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 It seems like he was looking for a more mature woman. Its a good thing. It means he wasn't a freak who only wanted to use young women for sex. Don't be embarassed about never having sex before. I think he just wanted you to be able to have sex for the first time with someone who was more special to you and would stay for a relationship.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (17 January 2008):
 I don't think you have anything to be ashamed about, this guy clearly made you feel inferior because of your inexperience. Move on and find someone who wants you for yourself, hopefully the next guy will be more understanding and treat you with more respect. Say if you did have sex with him and then he dumped you, you would feel used and dirty. Wait until you are ready before you sleep with a guy and be choosy with who you will have your first experience with.
Good luck my love. Dusky xxx
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (17 January 2008):
Things always look so much different in the rear-view mirror!
Yes, you should have told him that you were totally inexperienced. If for no other reason than the physiological mechanics - though I believe the mental and emotional reasons are even more compelling.
And yes, it sounds like he was mostly interested in his physical pleasure. As if you somehow "owed" him a very satisfying bedroom experience. He may think of sex as a performance that you give to someone, rather than a gift you share together.
It doesn't sound like this is a good relationship for you. The next time you meet somebody and think you're ready to add sex to the relationship, you should let him know that you've done it only once before and it was a bad experience. Ask him to treat you - not just physically, but mentally and emotionally - as if you were entirely virginal. If he won't do that, or finds the idea ridiculous, you have NOT YET found a guy you should be sleeping with!
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (17 January 2008):
I think you probably should have told him that you had not had sex before as that would have let him know that you were interested, just not sure what you were doing. But the fact that you thought he would laugh at you tells me that he wasn't that great a guy in the first instance.
You could try talking to him now and telling him that you were a virgin before you met him. He may change his mind about you're relationship being over - but don't count on it - most people don't break up with someone just because of sex. He may have felt that you weren't on the same level emotionally rather than sexually.
And if he did break up with you just over sex then he is a loser and doesn't deserve you anyway.
Next time be honest about how nervous you are and wait a little longer before you have sex so that you are more sure of the guys intentions.
Take care of yourself
xx
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