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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: What are the most painful things happened to you,,in your lifetime so far? I'm curious, what are the most hurtful things, what happened t others, and how they deal with it, as I feel, my life is full of pain, and everybody else seem to have smooth sailing. Or am I out of my mind? I wish to see what do you call the biggest problem in your life's s far. Its ok if you are not very specific, just close. It would greatly help me, to see the reality of my point.. Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (23 January 2008):
(Once again I'm too inept to post a link. It should be [ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Take_My_Hand,_Precious_Lord ] but you will have to cut-and-paste the whole thing - including the comma before "_Precious_Lord" - to see the correct web page.)
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (23 January 2008):
Intellectually you know that everyone experiences pain but it sure hurts when you don't see others affected in the same way as you. "The Problem of Pain", by C.S. Lewis, has been cited as a book that integrates an intellectual, scholarly, discussion with an agonizing personal tragedy.
Some pain is transitory and, once passed, is best thought of as untimely discomfort. The 11 days my oldest son, at age 11, spent in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) is like that. It still frightens me to recall being with him as he hallucinated about going to heaven. (He's now a High School science teacher.)
Some pain causes you to grow and mature. My father's death is like that. Inconvenient, to be sure, but every person eventually dies and he lived out an almost normal lifespan. I held him as he took his last breaths, much as I held my children when they took their first. In some sense this completes a sacred circle. (He was expected to pass on my wedding anniversary, but persisted into the next day. I don't place any significance, only coincidence, on that timing.)
Other deaths I cannot reconcile or rationalize. My first child died at one day of age, from birth complications. That's probably the most intense sadness of my life. The Gospel song "Precious Lord, Take My Hand" came from a similar experience by its composer - see the lyrics at [ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Take_My_Hand,_Precious_Lord ] and story at [ http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/2003/004/16.16.html ] if you're interested.
That event haunts me with flashbacks: I arrived to be with my daughter about 25 minutes after my granddaughter was born. Mother and baby were right there in front of me, obviously in good health, when my son-in-law said that a Caesarean delivery had been necessary. At the mention I burst into tears and became faint - memories of an emergency Caesarean, over 25 years earlier, were too intense.
Probably the most persistent and consuming pain in my life has been my inability to support myself at a job or trade. At 56 I still haven't started a first career. I've had about 10 different jobs, failed at all of them, was fired from most, and spent about a third of my adult life unemployed. I have both an undergrad and graduate degree in engineering, but I'm worth only about US$7000/yr.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): Thanks very much ,to answer to this question, it was very kind of you to open up your ""pain-box"" and help a broken heart .
It was interesting to see, how there is 3 different kind of pain group.
1,pain what is natural causes by lifegoing to menopause, losing old grandparents, I feel this are not really avoidable, and every one will deal with it, sooner or later.
2/ pain caused by continuous chance,or bad luck, or destiny.
this is where i would put my list
3/ when we cause our pain with our bad choices, like speeding and getting into an accident, or eat badly and get diabetes, this are preventable happenings, and i would say we can't be surprised , when we get them. Now I think ,the really bad kind of pain ,is the number 2, because it is not in your control, and you can't stop the bad stuff ,even if you make always good choices, you get tired ,and losing your energy.
Here is some of my pain list, but its just starter
-my oldest sun, is living on the street, addicted t crack ,got almost murdered, was in coma, right now in jail and no hope,goes on years ago
-my younger one is addicted to crystal meth ,and crack went to expensive rehab with no successes, injecting and very sick
-I had bad car accidents
-every single day something goes wrong
-my husband lost desire so the marriage is on the rock
-people are looking down on us because of our kids
-the list is much longer ,but this more than enough to start with.
We never used any substances not even a little wine, or made bad choices, yet our life is full of drama.I'm not looking for answers anymore, or even solutions, I just need to learn to live with pain,..
I started to think it must be a curse, but I lost this line. I wonder how do you feel about this..
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (23 January 2008):
 We all endure pain to some level or another.
1) 15 was a bad year. Parents divorced, date raped on my very first date after arguing with my mom that I was mature enough to date. Moved away from my friends to a tiny city where I was an outsider.
2) Dumped by two boyfriends I loved dearly after several years. Did some dumping myself which isn't easy either.
3) Sister tried to commit suicide 6 times. Gotta watch her carefully as she may try again.
4) Miscarried after trying to have a baby for 3 years.
I am sure many others have had pain way more severe than I have but the #1 above set the course of my life into a downward spiral and I wasn't able to get control until I was 35 years old. Twenty years of feeling like you aren't worthy of love and respect tears at you.
I wish that whatever pain you are going through that you find some peace and are able to endure.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 I buried my Dad on my 30th Wedding Anniversary 4 months ago. My Brother is out of remission and had a brain tumor removed two weeks before Christmas. He left his wife and kids 4 days before Christmas for his girlfriend. The 10,000 that we paid for our tickets for our cancelled trip when my Dad died wasn't returned by the airline. My Mother isn't very well off and everyone else in our family expects my Husband to pay her way. Our worldly goods were destroyed by customs here in the US when we entered to live here previous to all this. It's taken three years to replace everything and repair what could be fixed. I haven't lived in my home country for 14 years and this is my fourth country in that many years. Both of my children have left home and I'm still suffering from empty-nest syndrome. My Husband travels constantly on business, almost half the year. I can't work in this country, same as all the others, so the only way to meet people is to join special interest groups. I passed one year without a period so I'm officially in menopause. AND - It's probably no surprise - I've just been diagnosed with high-blood pressure - I can't imagine why!
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (22 January 2008):
 You are having what i like to call a "Shinji" moment where you think you are the only one who feels pain and everyone else has it easy. Watch Neon Genesis Evangelion very good show, its where the little refrence came from.
Lets see:
A: My mothers boyfriend is a completer jerk to me and can become violent sometimes towards me and i have to wait till i can financially support myself completely which shoudlnt mean much more of him.
B: My parents do not understand me at all they cant read me like a book and they think they can but they cant. They think i only care about myself, but in reality i care about them and everyone else i know but i dont feel that comfortable talking to them about my feelings so it leads to this.
C: My ex who i was with for almost and year sort of off and on and was trying to be with her in between and she just ended up hurting me over and over again then started dating someone else after putting me threw all this.
D: In the last 2 years all of my grandparents have died.
E: My family on my mothers side and fathers side is falling apart or already has due to disagreements. Luckily ther starting to fix themselves.
F:I can never seem to do well enought for my parents in school. NEVER....
G: Migrains that make my head hurt like someone hit me in the head over and over with a baseball bat and on top of that they make me go blind temporarily.
I know i dont have the hardest life in the world but mine usually isnt a walk in a park but it can be sometimes.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Haha ok here we go...
1) When I was with my first girlfriend my Mum and Dad divorced and I had to decide who I was going to live with, then the house was sold and I moved in with my Dad literally a week before my very important school exams (which I did surprisingly well in).
2) My girlfriends Mum and Dad divorced later and that was rough on her family.
3) My girlfriends Dad then had a stroke at 41 and we weren't sure he was going to make a full recovery (he did).
4) Our house was burgled and everything of value taken
5) My girlfriend and I split up and I was forced to sell the house with nowehere to go... So had to find a cheap and nasty place to rent... Total dump!
6) My Dad died at 51 which was a complete shock - I saw him on a Friday, he was in a coma Sunday morning, died on Fathers' day. I "dealt with it" by turning to drinking, going out all the time, and drugs, couldn't eat or sleep properly (for about 6 months then turned it around completely).
7) I got into a relationship with an absolute pyscho and ditched that after a couple of months.
8) Made redundant at work and couldn't find work for 3 months and couldn't afford to live. Bills wages.
9) My Mum's Mum died.
10) Got a job earning what I was earning 10 years prior and still couldn't afford to live properly for about a year.
11) Had to care for my Dad's Mum, my Grandma, and still do who is now 92. Had to break in to her house several times over the last 2 years for fear that something terrible had happened (she wasn't answering her phone/door etc). Been doing this since my Father passed away but has become more and more intense over the last 2 years.
12) Got into another relationship which lastest just over a year which was emotionally abusive (which I ended 2 months ago after finally having enough). This was extremely hard and had to seek counselling for a couple of months to sort my head out after everything that happened.
13) My Grandma had to go into hospital day before last New Years Eve (and is now doing well considering her age).
It's not been easy and still isn't but hey what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. There are loads more "events" but those are the major ones. I think, at the end of the day, life is full of... "surprises" as they say.
It's all been an experience and I've learnt from each and every one. I'm stronger mentally and emotionally, everything has taught me something about myself. All of these experiences have shaped who I am today and I love being me.
Now, I rent a nice place (can't afford to buy... yet), worked my way up in my career and doing ok for myself (aiming to move up another "rung" on the career ladder this year), I'm healthier, happier, and have to say I do appreciate things a lot more than I used to having being through what I've been through.
Now where's Miss Right? :)
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Well the basics of my life so far and no im not making this up i would have to be seriously messed up if i did (yes ive been accused of lying but unfortunatly i have the scars and the medical notes as proof)ok here we go (bear in mind im only 19) right i was raped from the ages of 13 till 15 by 6 guys who tortured me beat me humiliated and injected me with heroine while i slept and forced me to take drugs i turned to self harming and developed an eating disorder i then tried to take my own life and on the 2nd attempt woke up covered in drips and what i think was a life support machine, then i went out with a guy and after 3 years discovered he had been cheating on me the enitre time had posted dirty pics of me online and had also sold most of my things on ebay and most recently went out with a guy who said he loved me and was so sweet to me and was then dumped by text 4 days after my grandads (who i was incredible close too) funeral because "i didnt seem happy", so everybody goes through shit and stuff they would rather forget it happens to all of us and you just have to learn to move on and get stronger grow from your mistakes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): Have a read of my profile and it just touches on the very outer edge of some of the things that i have been through, believe me i have been to hell and back. What are you going through right now? Get in touch with me if you want and i will give you some more detailed events. But we are all different and what may be a slight disruption to some people could be a major upheaval to someone else.
take care
xx
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