A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been going out for over 3 months now. I have sucked him off and given him a hand-job. As he is two years older than me, he says he doesnt want to have sex as i am not ready yet and he says that he is happy with waiting untill i am ready as he is happy being with me. I am ready to have sex, but i am nervouse as i want my first time to be amazing and his too as he is a virgin aswell. I am worrid it will hurt or i would do something embarresing, is there anyway i can stop this?
View related questions:
hand-job Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I don't believe anybody's first time is great. So don't think it will be and think that the second time will be great.
For me it was great in terms of I was ready as we had been together 2 months. However I didn't "want" want it, it was like just doing it to get it over with, for the first time. Whereas a week or two before I actually wanted it and was too shy to say.
So if it feels right and you are ready and actually want it, just say if you have the courage. If you wait another week or two, you might not feel the same way.
It is a complicated thing. I don't think you are ever truly ready as when it comes down to it you feel nervous in comparison to the previous week when you knew you weren't if that makes sense.
If you are used to doing everything but, including him fingering you, then you are ready.
A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (20 January 2008):
Statistically most women say that physically their first time was somewhere between "moderate discomfort" and "hurt like hell". A significant minority report little or no discomfort. Both guys and girls say their first time included nervousness, embarrassment, and fear (not necessarily a bad kind of fear). Most guys climax too quickly on their first time, though a few can't maintain an erection. Inexperienced couples who use condoms often use them incorrectly, leading to a false sense of security. Just about everybody says their first time included a lot of fumbling and clumsiness.
And - if you've selected your partner wisely - it can be an extremely significant and meaningful event. In the course of your first experience both you and your B/F may find yourself more emotionally naked than any other time in your lives. Don't assume that it matters any less to him, though it may matter in a different way. Treat each other gently, considerately, and respectfully. Make sure you have plenty of time (at least half a day together) and privacy.
You can be informed by statistics, but don't be controlled by them. You are NOT a statistic - you are YOU.
This topic was discussed in the thread "First time - painful?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/first-time---painful.html ] and the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night..." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ] - read through some of those responses for more advice.
I hope you have enjyable and fulfilling experiences!
...............................
A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (20 January 2008):
 I completely understand how you feel. I was extremely scared about doing it and I still am a little. I lost it when I was 17. If you've been using tampons, it'll go alot easier since you've been stretched a bit. It does hurt a bit the first time but sometimes, the pain increases the pleasure. Sex is a natural process. Laughter will ease the way and it won't be awkward. For the first time, try it with you on top but first, let him eat you out so that you are relaxed and ready. Have lube handy. Let him finger you too. There will be noises down there but don't be embarassed, it happens. It'll sound like you're farting but it comes out of your vagina so it's called queefing. It's natural. Just indicate that you're ready and go for it. Just make sure its not a car...bruises on your shin!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): My old college gf and I lost our virginities together. We were both just 18. Before we had sex she did the stuff you mentioned (oral sex, heavy petting), only probably more. She was ready and so was I :) and she had no problems with pain, or worries. Like you she was nervous though and I was too, but once we started, it went fine and we never looked back (or stopped for too long, either). :D
Clear communication is the key though to your current issue. Tell your bf about your concerns and make it clear that if you say "Stop, it hurts!" then he knows to stop trying to enter you and pull back. My gf and I used a "safety" word so that anytime she wanted me to stop doing something sexually she would say it and I would know to stop. {Pick something unambiguous like "elephant". It's also funny, too, and makes it easier to both say and respond to.} She didn't do so very often but when she did, I knew to stop whatever it was I was doing, and things worked out fine. You have to assess your bf's character and be confident he will stop when you say so if you start to hurt when he goes to enter you, or if you want him to stop anything he starts in bed for that matter. Only you can know if he is trustworthy that way but I am guessing if he were the sort to not care what you wanted you would have found out already.
But anyway, one more thing: your ages. Be sure it is legal for him to have sex with you. The LAST thing either of you need is him in trouble for having sex with you because of a 2-year difference in age. Most states have an age difference-span clause that says "Any adult (18+ years old) having sex with a minor (less than 18 years old) is guilty of {whatever crime-- stat rape, sexual misconduct, etc.} unless there is only an x difference in age or less, in which case it is legal provided all parties are consenting." ("x" in this case is like 2, 3, or whatever). I don't know though if you live in one of those states, so it would be a good idea to do some research say via Google first before going ahead with it. If all else fails you can make an anonymous phone call to the local police station (use a pay phone) and ask someone there about this particular topic. I am quite sure they get such inquiries regularly. But you really don't need some overzealous parent or teacher who gets wind of you and him "going all the way" to start making phone calls. If you are both under 18 though, that is a different matter and there is yet another set of laws handling that. Again, use THE GOOGLE to learn more about it or make that call.
Good luck and remember to practice that whole safe sex thing!
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (19 January 2008):
 well I think you should sort of assume it's going to be a little awkward at first, it might not be, but it's best going in it with a little sense of humor...if something goes wrong, try to brush it off or laugh it off, because neither of you are going to be a "pro", and you'll never get to be that way if you arent openminded and don't try to shut out those ideals that sex has to be pretty and perfect. but to try to minimize your discomfort, try to make the atmomsphere nice, you know, light some candles, play some nice music, and engage in a bunch of foreplay so that it'll probably not hurt so much. good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): if you are too embarressed maybe thats a sign that you arent ready?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Its great you are mature enough to wait, and that your boyfriend also repspects your decision.
If you are nervous, dont worry! he probably is too.
The best thing to do is to plan ahead and make sure your special night is perfect, then you will be safe and hopefully less nervous. Choose a romantic scene, and enjoy it!
good luck
x
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (19 January 2008):
 aw. how cute!
well.. when you two do both finally bump uglies. the first time.. is alot fo WTF??? ooooh.... so thats what this is for..
don't be embarresed. the first time is always unpredictable.
USE A CONDOM or i will smite you both.
but if you're both ready then just let it happen naturally its alot of experimenting and working out whats what.
there will be a little bit of pain and possible a little blood. this is due to youe hymen breaking ( a small piece of skin that will stretch and break.) don't worry. that is normal. its not super painful. but you'll know when it happens.
just enjoy the moment really,
...............................
|
