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... Send *hildof1981 a private message | | | *hildof1981's profile:Name: Jeff
Born: 08/20/1981 in Syracuse, NY. Living in Ithaca, NY
Education: BA in Computer Science, Minor in Math
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ithaca,_New_York
I have no idea what qualifies me to give advice. I think I carry a unique perspective that balances the issues of love, practicality, and internal honesty to render sound advice. |
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I have let a 19 year old chat me up, and now I'm wondering, what's the harm?
Q. Been a silly girl I know. But have let a 19 yr old chat me up, he's obviously only after one thing, trouble is, I am 40. We're both single. But... Anyway, I have been single 4 yrs now, and working non stop, I keep thinking so what! Bit of fun? All...
A. 4 May 2012: If you are both still working for the same company I would not allow things to progress any further. 19 year olds don't always think about the consequences of their actions. Basically mixing a relationship of borderline social acceptability, your ... (read in full...)
How would you deal with finding out about a one night stand?
Q. Guys or Gals, please share your thoughts. What if you found out a year into your relationship that your girlfriend or boyfriend had a one night stand after being drunk at a bar with another guy/girl they barely knew only a few weeks before you both ...
A. 2 May 2012: There are two aspects here and they are both breaches of trust unless you had a truly odd agreement. First as the two of you did not make any exclusivity promises you should not consider it cheating. The second part is about him/her not ... (read in full...)
He can handle longer sessions.....so what am I doing wrong when he finishes quickly?
Q. Not really sure how to ask this.... sometimes my boyfriend will cum two or three times in a row and we can usually go at it for like an hour. othertimes it only last like 10 minutes. am i doing something wrong when its only 10 minutes? his body can...
A. 23 February 2012: He probably masturbated earlier in the day and that took some wind out of his sails. You might think that would just make him last longer, but it's not quite the same. As somebody else stated, going for a sub optimal (but still good) position can ... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to feel like an outsider because I haven't had sex or dated anyone!
Q. I really don't know where else to turn. I am a 19 year old guy, who has never had sex, had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. I despise this about me. Every one of my friends have had this experience before and I just feel like an outcast. Like, ...
A. 18 January 2012: Despite what you see on TV lots of people make it to their 20's and are still virgins. Also, the "I deserve it I am a nice guy" attitude sucks. If your goal is to be romantically involved with another person being a nice guy can get in the way. I ... (read in full...)
I think I love my girlfriend's best friend!
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for a while now and everyday I hang out with her and her friends. I think that I'm starting to have feelings for her best friend. No matter what I do I can't stop thinking of her. I'm not sure what to do or if this is ...
A. 18 January 2012: Having asked the question you did you need to do something else first. Think about your feelings for your current girlfriend and if there is not really any strong feeling there you need to break up with her. It's wrong to continue a relation where ... (read in full...)
Should a married couple share almost everything?
Q. I'm asking about how much openness there should be in a marriage. Not just a relationship, but a marriage. I think that once you make that step to commit to be together for the rest of your lives, things change. My wife and I are very open with e...
A. 12 January 2012: Do not confront your friend about this, it is not your place. Right now there is a dispute between two married people and you need to let them resolve it. That said it's not wrong for your friend to want privacy. However his right to that ends when ... (read in full...)
Worried she has manipulated me to cover half of her mortgage to sort out her financial situation, how do I explain to her I've changed my mind and want to start fresh in a new property?
Q. I've been seeing my gf for 9 months now and living with her for about 5. I recently sold a flat and moved in with her whilst looking for a new one. I was about to buy a place but my gf appeared upset by the prospect of me moving out so I didn't and ...
A. 10 January 2012: It's not a financially good move for you and thats all you need to say. You are not married and don't feel like making that kind of financial commitment. There should be no problem with her (and ex) selling the property and getting out of her ... (read in full...)
Wife doesn't want to get rid of pictures of her ex. Am I being unreasonable?
Q. We're only married 6 months and already we have an 'issue'. When my wife and I got serious and started talking about getting engaged, we both deleted 'exs' from our facebook accounts, deleted them from our contacts in our phones. I even threw out ...
A. 4 January 2012: You are over reacting. You both existed before marriage and that part of your lives is just as relevant as your marriage. As to what to say to your kids . . you tell them it's a old boyfriend of your mothers from before you were married. ... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that my boyfriend lies to his friends so that he can spend time with me?
Q. dear cupid, i have been in a realtionship with my man for 2 months now. we are so loved up and get on like a house on fire, we live quite a distance apart (40mins) and we both work till late evening apart from weekends where we are both lucky we ...
A. 14 November 2011: Last thing first. Ending your message with "if he really loved me" is crazy. You have been dating for only two months your relationship does not have deep roots yet. He may not be telling his mates about you, because he does not want them to think ... (read in full...)
I slept with his friend after we broke up, now we're back together and he's upset about it.
Q. About 10 months ago my boyfriend and I of a year split up. It was a horrible split up and instead of dumping me he ignored me for a month until i gave up. A month later i met one of his friends on a night out and ended up going back to his and ...
A. 19 October 2011: You should stand up for yourself as you were clearly not together at the time and he has no right to expect you to feel bad about your behavior. He MAY have a right to be angry with you for not mentioning it if you did not get tested for STI's ... (read in full...)
Ever since we had sex, I am an emotional wreck!
Q. So i am 16 and i am a junior, and I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months now. We are very much in love, and he is extremely special to me, so a few weeks ago we had sex for the first time. I ended up having to take a morning after pill ...
A. 22 September 2011: Since you know you are an emotional wreck right now all you have to do is calm down and tone down any actions based on strong emotions. Wait 24 hours, think about things, and then if it still feels like a reasonable action then it's probably ok.
... (read in full...)
I'm suspicious of what went on at this bachelor party
Q. My boyfriend went on a bachelor party out of town for the weekend with his friends recently. He's already gone on a few of them before during our relationship and has always been good about communicating, even if it's just at the end of the night to ...
A. 22 September 2011: My experience with some asshole guys I have known to be cheaters is that he 100% cheated. When men cheat they try emotional manipulation to mask the cheating. He redirected the trust issue back at you so you would have a problem rationally ... (read in full...)
Who do I pick? Ducky, Arby or Dorky??
Q. Help me pleased I don't know what to do! Okay so I have a few diferent guys asking me out and I got no Idea who to pick. 1 guy is my ex BF (call him Ducky) Him and I were dating for like a week then I had to break up with him cuz of drama in my l...
A. 22 September 2011: It really does not matter which one you pick, if you even want to choose any of them at all. A relationship at your age is generally short and shallow anyway, so pick somebody ( or don't) and have fun. If you don't like that person and it does not ... (read in full...)
My fiance is demanding I have a DNA test, even though I only cheated once back in 2010!
Q. Dear cupid, Me and my fiance are expecting our 1st baby. He wants a DNA test, just because I messed around just 1 time and that was last year (2010)! IT'S A NEW YEAR! I mean, he's actually "insisting" that i get a DNA test... I just got pregnant...
A. 7 July 2011: The need comes because you have cheated in the past. Trust has been broken within the recent past, and because of that you should make some concessions. One of them being that he had a somewhat legitimate concern about the paternity of the child. It ... (read in full...)
Do people without a conscience who use others get away with it?
Q. What happens to people who do not have a conscience and go through life using other people and manipulating them? Do they end up ahead? I know somebody like this who keeps using people but is so sweet about it they get fooled. Goes from man to man. ...
A. 6 July 2011: If she can keep it up for the long haul I will be surprised. As people get older they see through these people easier and won't put themselves out there to be hurt. Also, it will catch up with her down the road. If only because after a while she ... (read in full...)
Family chains are weighing me down. I want to break them!
Q. Hey everyone, I am a delimma..and living like this just makes my life that much more miserable..I want to wake up everyday feeling good about what I am doing but I don't,its more like a burden something I am forced to do..I am currently in med scho...
A. 29 June 2011: People only have as much control over you as you let them. The hard part is when you have to choose from walking away from luxuries. (living rent free, college tuition, family vacations, etc.)
The best place to start is to just start claiming... (read in full...)
Always a friend, never a boyfriend
Q. Okay well it always seems to happen that when I meet a nice girl I end up being a good friend and nothing more. I do my best to make my intentions known from the start, i make sure i tell her how good she looks and even make some skin contact. Is ...
A. 26 January 2011: I had this situation happen a lot and the easy way to deal with it is to just not be friends with them. If you are looking to date a person get to know them and ask them out on a date (and make sure they know it's a date, don't leave any possibility ... (read in full...)
Semen in his boxer shorts!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 18 mths now he has lied about his past to me ie sexual partners ect, a few months back i found a pair of boxer shorts behind the tv unit in our bedroom with small semen stains in them, but just about a week later he ...
A. 1 July 2010: Agree with marriedlady, not cheating just your typical gross guy behavior.... (read in full...)
Should we try marital counselling again?
Q. My husband and I have been separated for 3 weeks (married 2 years). For the last 6 months of our marriage it's been terrible. During that time we went through marital counseling and honestly it was not effective. My husband wants me to return ...
A. 21 June 2010: I can see the tension here but I also detect hope, which is rare IMO. I feel like there is a litmus test here that will let you know if your marriage is worth saving. You need to ask him if he feels that you (as a couple) have problems and that both ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and not allowed to marry until I'm 24, how can I convince my dad that I'm mature enough?
Q. Okay, so here goes... My boyfriend Nolan and I are madly in love, have been for a good 4 years now. We are both 17 at the moment, and both virgins, saving ourselves for each other. We've known for a while now that we want to spend the rest of our ...
A. 19 March 2010: The best way to convince him you are mature enough is to plan a small wedding an get married. Marriage is a decision between two people and your father is not one of those two people. The cornerstone of being adult is to be the driver of you own ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend and I need to tell him something but I'm scared.
Q. Hi I have a boyfriend and I need to tell him something but I'm scared. A couple years ago I had a fling with an older man. I almost had sex because his penis was almost inside of me but I pulled away and didnt go through with it. Should I consider ...
A. 18 March 2010: It's really easy to not lie to your boyfriend because outside of medical concerns your prior sexual history is not something you need to talk to him about. As you get older both parties in relationships are generally going to have a "body count" and ... (read in full...)
My parents have been married 25 years and now suddenly my dad seems to be bi and cheating on my mum!
Q. Ive just found emails that my dad has sent and received from various men, and there sexually explicit. My parents have been married 25 years and now suddenly my dad seems to be bi and cheating on my mum. I have no idea whether he has done anything, ...
A. 18 February 2010: Are you certain you mother does not know? Perhaps you mother and father have an arrangement or are in an open marriage? Perhaps they were not comfortable telling you about their relationship? I don't know too many people that would share something ... (read in full...)
What is meant by "make my move"?
Q. Okay, before you read this, check my previous question called "How can i make a move without embarassing either of us?" or something like that. Bascically everyone has told me to "make my move", but what is meant by this and how do i go about it. I ...
A. 18 February 2010: What people mean by "making your move" is that you have to ask her out. I will be even more clear, you have to make it obviously clear to her that you have a romantic interest in her. Yes, that will make you open to rejection and you have to get ... (read in full...)
University break ups?
Q. Hello there Recently me and my boyfriend, of about 2 years, talked about what we were going to do for university,even though its about a year away from him actually going. we will be going to separate universities. He says that he wants us to break...
A. 17 February 2010: First, I think it's a good thing for you to break up before he goes to university. I have not seen one relationship form "back home" last, or in fact most any 2+ year long distance relationships even outside university settings. When you go (if ... (read in full...)
How do I accept my gf's promiscuous past if I've only been with her?
Q. I've seen a few questions on here that are similar to mine, but I think mine has a special little twist on it. My girlfriend, whom I've been with for 6 years, has a very promiscuous past. Around 40 - 50, she can't remember exactly. And before her ...
A. 17 February 2010: Drugs and Alcohol are easy ways to walk away from your problem. Actually dealing with it will be harder but you really just have to let it go. Once you hit the 28-35 bracket every woman has a history (with rare exceptions) and you just don't think ... (read in full...)
Why do guys prefer "slutty" girls rather than a girl who is romantic and caring?
Q. Hi all, I have a very simple question. Why do so many guys find girls who are promiscuous or 'slutty' more sexually desirable than a girl that is romantic and caring? For some reason, so many guys I know prefer to hang out with the girls that ...
A. 16 February 2010: Take a view from without of yourself and think about the signals you are sending guys (consciously or not) and how they might interpret them. Guys don't "always" go for the "slutty" (FYI, I really object to that term) girls, but at the same time ... (read in full...)
Runaway student!!!
Q. I'm 23. I want to be a dentist. studied two years already but in another country because in my country it was not possible for this course but from the first day my mum wanted to stop me. she cries every day telling me not to leave her... but as I ...
A. 5 February 2010: As the start of your next semester approaches a controlling person would keep a closer eye on you so by going at an atypical time your chances of a conflict would be lessened. Leaving without saying goodbye will be hard, but remember it's not you ... (read in full...)
Runaway student!!!
Q. I'm 23. I want to be a dentist. studied two years already but in another country because in my country it was not possible for this course but from the first day my mum wanted to stop me. she cries every day telling me not to leave her... but as I ...
A. 4 February 2010: No matter the culture, parents have a way of trying to assert their wishes on their children. At your problems core is the fact that your mother does not see you as an independent person and there is not much of a way to resolve that.
My advice w... (read in full...)
Fiance just doesn't seem to want sex! Instead watches porn and takes care of himself!!!
Q. I am a 25 year old, my fiance really doesn't seem interested in me in bed. He kisses me all the time grabs my butt but just really doesn't seem interested in sex! Just recently I found out that he has been wathcing porn on the computer. He is 38 so ...
A. 2 February 2010: First question I have to ask is how often you initiate sex? I only ask because men get discouraged if they are always the one to initiate it. I guess my point is if you are feeling unloved because he is not initiating sex, imagine how he might feel ... (read in full...)
Lack of confidence and ideas, I want to surprise and treat my man.
Q. I am in a relationship with the most loving and caring guy you would know. However in the bedroom he always takes the lead and control because I struggle to know what to do and get really self conscious. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas ...
A. 1 September 2009: First order of business is to build your confidence. Don't think you need to go wild to impress or captivate him, just focus something simple and build from that.
Think about what your guy compliments you on and do something to focus attentio... (read in full...)
Online guy now wants to meet me and I'm afraid because of my weight!
Q. I met this guy on a dating website, we exchanged pictures, emails etc its still early days but he wants to meet up for a drink the only problem is hes a personal trainer....and well im a curvy girl who doesnt exercise and doesn really watch what i ...
A. 25 June 2009: You joined a dating site so make it worth your wile and go. Otherwise you are pre-emptivle rejecting this guy so he does not have the chance to reject you. If you acted that way every time you will never make any progress. Don't be concerned with ... (read in full...)
My mum thinks my boyfriend is abusive but I want to move closer to him
Q. okay my family LOVED my boyfriend up until we had a massive argument and I told my mum everything that he's done (he's not done anything abusive, but he does small things like reads my texts, hacks my email, reads my msn history, doesn't let me talk ...
A. 26 May 2009: You may love this guy, but he is exhibiting many controlling behaviors that lead to abuse and horrible feelings.... (read in full...)
How can I tell her I like her without actually telling her that I like her?
Q. Hi there I'm 14 and have not had a proper relationship with someone yet. I really like this girl at my school but am not sure if she likes me or not. I have not told anyone and do not talk to anyone about her because I don't really have anyone. ...
A. 4 February 2009: This question has been asked a lot and the answer is always the same. You are attempting to send a mixed signal to this girl to protect your emotions . . DO NOT DO IT! What you don't want this girl doing is posting on this site . . with the ... (read in full...)
But I'm sick of being so damn dependant upon him. I'm a grown up now. And I want him to see it!
Q. I want to go back to school so badly.. I have now come to the realization that I will be NOTHING in life without a degree. I have not a clue on how to aproach my father about this topic.. Let alone, it being unamimous.. Simply because, NoV 07. I...
A. 15 January 2009: You realize of course that you are putting forth a somewhat self-contradicting information. If you are grown up and serious about going back to school then the easy thing to do is get into school, start working and then tell your father about it. I ... (read in full...)
He says spending less time together will save the relationship. Is he being honest here?
Q. My bf of 7 months, said to me the other weekend that we need to spend time apart so like instead of me seeing him everyday i will see him on the weekends, tuesdays and thursdays and sometimes fridays nites after we both finish work,we use to argue a ...
A. 8 October 2008: I am going to start with the trust question. No amount of data posted to the net can give us the ability to determine if he is trustworthy. You have to make the decision to either trust what your boyfriend said or not we can't make that call.
... (read in full...)
I'm about to enter a relationship- I want to wait to have sex- when is a good time to tell him?
Q. im twenty and im about to start my first real relationship with this guy that i've dated for almost a year now. but i don't wanna get all worried about sex now, in order words, i don't wanna have sex now, I just wanna have a boyfriend with whom i ...
A. 22 April 2008: You should 100% tell him before you start things. When entering into a relationship both parties must be clear about what they need and what they can give. Your decision about physical intimacy is atypical for your age group and thus you should tell ... (read in full...)
How can I avoid being shy?
Q. I've never had anyone like me back before, much less have a boyfriend. I try not to be shy but it's difficult for me. I've tried to show interest but was rejected twice. What can I do?...
A. 8 March 2008: Practice is the only advice I can give you. Dating is a skill like any other, you need to work at it. The rub of course is that to do that you have to expose yourself to rejection constantly.
I was a very shy person as well and ever time I was re... (read in full...)
Did I handle the situation well?
Q. My b/f and I of 2 and a half years almost broke up. He became very distant. Didn't touch me, kiss me, talk to me like he used to and he eventually explained he is tired of a lot of our arguments, tired of me giving him a hard time if he wants to go ...
A. 8 March 2008: You handled the situation about as well as you can. However you telling him the solution is X is a but presumptuous. You both had a breakdown in communication that caused issues with your relationship to boil over without resolutions.
At this poi... (read in full...)
What are these spots down there?
Q. I'm a 13yr old girl. I have spots down there. Like alot of them. They are swollen/red and sometimes they even bleed. I dont shave down there. What is it? ...
A. 13 February 2008: Your question is one that that nobody on this site should answer for you. And even if people here could help you find out what you have, you will still likely need a prescription anyway. Go see a doctor and get an official prognosis.... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend's best friend that I will break up with my boyfriend to begin a new relationship with him?
Q. I have feelings for my boyfriend's best friend, we have a lot in common and I really can imagine us dating. How do I tell my boyfriend's best friend that I will break up with my boyfriend to begin a new relationship with him?...
A. 6 February 2008: To be perfectly frank you just don't do it!
Relationships are not a necessity of life. The fact that you would break up with him to see somebody else should tell you your current boyfriend is not the one for you. You have an obligation to end the ... (read in full...)
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