A
female
age
36-40,
*arzi
writes:I'm 23. I want to be a dentist. studied two years already but in another country because in my country it was not possible for this course but from the first day my mum wanted to stop me. she cries every day telling me not to leave her... but as I already passed those hard days in a different country by myself and learning a different language and spending time and money and energy for those two years I want to finish it up but now that I'm with my mum (I came here for vacation but she did not let me go back anymore!) I plan to go back there because I have nothing to do here, my mum wants me to just get married here but it's not want I want to do now.I have my student visa up to July 2010 BUT my mum is trying to call the embassy and tell them to stop me from leaving the country!!! I know I'm 23 and she can't do this but I'm leaving in a Muslim country where women have no rights! that's why I'm afraid they might stop me in the airport. Aside from this I don't want my mum to call me a runaway girl!I will appreciate it if you have any advice or suggestion.
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male
reader, childof1981  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 As the start of your next semester approaches a controlling person would keep a closer eye on you so by going at an atypical time your chances of a conflict would be lessened. Leaving without saying goodbye will be hard, but remember it's not you failing to say goodbye. Your mother is the one taking her goodbye away from herself by not letting you leave.
Also, it gives you some time to emotionally settle before the semester starts. You want your mind on school not your family issues.
A
female
reader, marzi +, writes (4 February 2010):
marzi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm here for almost 8 months i lost my two sem.
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A
female
reader, marzi +, writes (4 February 2010):
marzi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for encouraging me to go I know that's the right thing to do but when my mum cries... .how can I leave without even saying goodbye? I have to leave when she is not home or else she will do anything to stop me.but I will try.
do you think it's better to leave as soon as possible or I stay here till the next semester starts?if I leave now I should wait for 3 months.but when you say as soon as possible maybe its better to leave now so I will not be worried anymore.what do u think?
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (4 February 2010):
No matter the culture, parents have a way of trying to assert their wishes on their children. At your problems core is the fact that your mother does not see you as an independent person and there is not much of a way to resolve that.
My advice would be to head back to your educational place as soon as possible and work on your mother after that. Tell her that her behavior showed the utmost disrespect to you as a person and that she put you in a horrible situation. And in the future if you were planning a vacation home tell her that you would be happy to buy her a ticket to visit you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): I'm sure that they can't just stop you leaving the country simply because your mother calls them up. You have been granted a visa and I would think it is very unlikely that it can be revoked unless you had committed a crime or someting serious. So please do not worry about that. And if you have a valid visa they can't just stop you at the airport, so don't let that put you off.
I think you have to follow your heart and go overseas. Your mother is a different generation to you and has been brought up to have different goals and different priorities. But you have clearly done incredibly well for yourself to get a place studying dentistry in a foreign country, and I think you are right to want to follow it through. It would be easy to say that your mother is being selfish but I think it is more a case of different priorities, and different perceptions of womens' role in society.
I think if you go back your mother will be upset but I think you have to accept that that is how it will be and just try and reassure her that you love her but that you really want to achieve this qualification. I don't know if you are planning on going back home when you qualify but you could talk to her about that.
If she make it very hard for you then I think you need to take matters into your own han and just go for it. Organise what you need to do and ten head off. If your mother refuses to understand then you will have to be headstrong on this one. It is not fir for her to make you live your life in the way that she would like you to simply because that is what she has done.
You are not running away, but you are going to complete a course. You mum is trying to make things sound bad to make you feel guilty. Studying abroad is not running away, and she knows this She is just trying to make you stay.
Good luck and please keep us posted.
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