A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 10 months ago my boyfriend and I of a year split up. It was a horrible split up and instead of dumping me he ignored me for a month until i gave up. A month later i met one of his friends on a night out and ended up going back to his and we slept together. It was a one off thing and we've only bumped in to eachother a few times since - we dont really talk.A few months later i got back together with my ex and I chose not to tell him about what happened. However a few days ago he found out from another friend and apparently most of his friends knew and didnt tell him. He's really upset with me and obviously his friend. I have appologised several times and i know hes upset but at the same time i feel i have to stick up for myself. We werent together at the time it happened, but he wont accept that and say it doesnt make a difference? Should i just drop it or stand up for myself because i was single at the time?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): Technically you did nothing wrong. Realistically it was a pretty bad move to sleep with his friend.
You can have a sexual relationship with only one person per group of close friends. Any more than that and you are asking for problems. Even if you had not gotten back with your BF in this case, if you had stayed with his friend then it is just as likely that he (the friend) would have eventually had bad feelings about the fact that you used to be in a relationship with his friend (your BF). The bottom line is don't sleep with two friends. Not if you ever want a relationship with either one of them.
A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (19 October 2011):
 I think you are both tired of this relationship now. He wont come to terms with it in a month of Sundays. You were ignored for a month so you took that as a break up. You weren;t with him and he wasn't with you. The friend thing wasn't a wise thing to do as the guy was connected to your bf. However, what's done is done. As for now, The relationship has come to an end and I'd suggest just walking away now for good.
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A
male
reader, childof1981  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 You should stand up for yourself as you were clearly not together at the time and he has no right to expect you to feel bad about your behavior. He MAY have a right to be angry with you for not mentioning it if you did not get tested for STI's before resuming sexual relations with him.Does he really think it's ok to break up with somebody and expect that they remain sexually inactive just in case the relationship resumes? Just make it clear that this is something you will not apologize for or even allow to be brought up.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 October 2011):
I think the time has come for you to just accept that you and this guy aren't working and are never going to work. When you two split up, he didn't even dump you! He just ignored you for a month. Then you slept with his friend (which isn't advisable for this very reason), and then you and your ex got back together and you didn't say anything. Now he's found out and he's angry. You're right - you weren't together. But sleeping with a friend is never advisable because this is often the result if you get back together. However, what is concerning is his treatment of you. This is a guy who just ignored you for a month until you went away, and is now treating you like dirt. He'll never accept what happened. This has gone beyond you sticking up for yourself. You need to get away from this guy entirely.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (19 October 2011):
 He has no right to be upset.You two were BROKEN UP. He had no claim to you. Period.He needs to grow up.
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