A
female
age
51-59,
*aftmoo
writes:Been a silly girl I know. But have let a 19 yr old chat me up, he's obviously only after one thing, trouble is, I am 40. We're both single. But...Anyway, I have been single 4 yrs now, and working non stop, I keep thinking so what! Bit of fun? All work n no play etc.. Where's the harm. As he says 'we're both consenting adults'I wouldn't get fond of him though would I? I mean, I am waaaay too happy being single, got too used to it I guess. I have 2 teens, the oldest 1 of them, my son, is only 2 yrs younger than him!So it's not like I am looking for anything long term and told him that when he first mentioned going out when he messaged me on line. (we know each other from when I used to work in same dept until recently though btw) It was when I said sorry you're too young, and I am not looking for anything with anyone right now, that he mentioned 'adult fun' and we did do a bit of 'extreme' flirting in online messages a couple of days after. I am putting him off all the time and he keeps nagging to meet up.Is it too dangerous? Or do we only live once?? I'm not gonna lie and say the thought of teaching him a 'thing or 2' as he put it, isn't appealing after being single and no male attention for 4 yrs!I do value others opinions though. Although before anyone says it, I don't agree with all the stuff about slappers..I'm not putting it about, this is one person.
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (7 May 2012):
I don't see the harm in it to be honest (and I'm a gal). As long as you're being honest with yourself and him about the no-longterm-commitment deal, it should be fun. Just don't get attached.
A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (6 May 2012):
 Be proud. There aren't many 42 year old women that get the opportunity to bang it out on a young guy again...
it would probably be fun. lol
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 Seeing this from the perspective of the guy, and in the world as it is, the 19 year old will be happy to have slept with the 42 year old. He will realize he was being used only years later, and then he will feel that, after all, he had his fun, too.
Seeing it from the perspective of a woman other than the poster, it's not every day that a 42 year old gets involved with a 19 year old. It does reveal that something is wrong with the 42 year old. But stranger things happen.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 May 2012):
 I'm 42 and I could not imagine dating a 19 year old lol, I meet plenty of young guys as we live on a military installation and through the place I volunteer at, I meet a lot of them as well and I have to say... I couldn't see myself getting involved with a 19 year old ever. Talk about immature! I just don't see myself having anything in common. I have never had casual sex, I want/need a connection as well. Maybe I'm just not cougar material .
But like So_Very_Confused says, if AGE is the only thing holding you back, I think that would be silly.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 May 2012):
 if the only thing holding you back is his age, I can't see a problem with it.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (5 May 2012):
 How would you feel about a 40 year old man sleeping with a 19 year old girl? In my book, your pursuing a sexual fling with someone nearly as old as your son, is a definite no. Sometimes we need to be responsible and think about the bigger picture in life. If you want casual sex, there is no doubt in my mind that you will find plenty of adult males that will be more than willing to perform. Do you want to sleep with men or a man-child?
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A
female
reader, daftmoo +, writes (5 May 2012):
daftmoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo it's looking like the guys are saying go for it ...mostly, & girls are saying don't, mostly.
'Iamheretohelpyou' you put this...You're not after anything right now, so find an FWB (which most likely won't work out), or someone you can be purely f*ck buddies with.
That's what it would be with him though lol
Ahhh I don't know, part of me really wants to, then the sensible me says no. Grrrrrrr
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (5 May 2012):
 How would you feel if you found your son was having casual sex with a woman your age?
Just food for thought....
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (4 May 2012):
 When I was 19, I went out with a 36 year old company director for about 9 months.
It was difficult, as by day she had to appear as professional as possible. In those 9 months we only met a few times in the day, and had to kind of sneak around in the City in the evenings, in case she met someone she knew, or saw someone who was a past or potential business contact. I guess that as one of the few black guys in the City in the 80's, I was quite conspicuous too, so maybe tongues were wagging, and we knew nothing.
The whole experience did me no harm whatsoever though. I learned a huge amount, not just in sexual terms, but in life and general experience as well.
As for her, she took me to a couple of holiday destinations that I had never even dreamed of, taught me all about red wine, and etiquette, taught me to haggle in business, all for sex (I think), and I think she enjoyed herself to boot. There was no harm, except in how we were perceived by everyone else. We got over that aspect, but her attention to detail in her business wavered big time, and I had to go.
It will never last, remember that you reach 50 before he hits 30. So enjoy it for what it is, and stop questioning yourself.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (4 May 2012):
You need to think carefully about this. Firstly, one of the major problems with casual sexual relationships of this kind is that there is a big risk that some-one will actually become emotionally attached to the other person and start to develop feelings for them. You will need to think about how you will deal with that if he does, or indeed how you might feel if you start wanting more. The point is simply that “no strings” often ends up being any thing but.
Secondly, do you want a relationship or think you will eventually? A casual relationship of this kind might actually prevent you from focussing on what you really want or finding a more long-term partner who can satisfy you in more ways than just sexually. Indeed, how would you break it off with the 19 year-old? And could you adjust to a stable relationship which might lack the short-term thrill of no-strings sex with a toyboy, but which might ultimately be better for you?
Finally, what about your children? Would you want them to know you’re seeing this man casually, or would you need to tell them lies or half truths to keep this secret fling going? And could you rely on his discretion?
I won’t say it’s totally wrong because you are both consenting adults, but you’ve a lot to think about. Think about these questions I've posed to help you make a wise decision.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, susiecares +, writes (4 May 2012):
 I think life begins at 40 and you should go for it ,whats the harm Young men do find mature women more fun
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (4 May 2012):
Your call.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Flippin go for it!!!!! No use sitting around wondering "what if..." I only caution you on one thing - do not put anything emotional into it or expect anything other than sex this one time. Don't even expect it will happen again.
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A
female
reader, daftmoo +, writes (4 May 2012):
daftmoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, i'm not working there anymore. He messaged me on line after I left, saying he had always had a crush on me but didn't want to say anything before in case it was awkward at work. Freaked me a bit to be honest, & I actually thought it was a joke at first.
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (4 May 2012):
 If you are both still working for the same company I would not allow things to progress any further. 19 year olds don't always think about the consequences of their actions. Basically mixing a relationship of borderline social acceptability, your workplace, and a 19 year olds emotional control is just not a wise thing to do. If you ages were 29 and 50 I would have said go for it despite you being co-workers because you should both have the emotional maturity to keep things professional.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): kids that age talk, boast or can make fun of you to look the part. I would think carefully because this could lead to a lot of embarrassment for you and your children especially.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Your own question: "Where's the harm."
Your own answer: "I have 2 teens, the oldest 1 of them, my son, is only 2 yrs younger than him!"
You'd be setting a terrible example for your 17-year-old son by teaching him it's not only acceptable but expected that a teenage boy use his youthful good looks to take advantage of a vain and vacuous middle-aged woman dumb enough to believe he's looking for sex when he's really looking for money.
If this 19-year-old just wanted get laid he'd be chatting up chicks his own age (and probably is behind your back); he's likely buttering you up as a 40-year-old for sex AND a payday.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (4 May 2012):
Make sure he's 19. Make sure he's not a friend to one of your children. Go for it if you want, but remember, young guys are wild and aren't always faithful. So, try not to fall in love.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 Do it! I love older women and have fun who cares about age :D
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 None of us can predict whether or not you will become "fond" of him or not. My only suggestion is if you don follow this through make 100% sure he's not friends with one of your teens otherwise you really are headed for trouble.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (4 May 2012):
 Go for it - where's the harm?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 May 2012):
 hiI say go for it, with no expectations. So long as you can rely on his discretion, trust him not to broadcast every move.Then why not
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A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (4 May 2012):
Im thinking its a good thing - as long as you use protection and just have a light hearted approach to it. he will most likely not be your boyfriend and one other thing what ever you do dont let your boy catch you at it with this guy - then this fun experience will turn into a nightmare for you.have fun and enjoy
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