Is the guy I'm dating a sex addict?
Q. I am concerned that the guy I met online and I am currently dating is possibly a sex addict! I've ignored some obscenities and red flags but now I am confused!!! I like him very much but I can't help but to be concerned with his preoccupation with ...
A. 31 January 2014: He sounds desperate and yes creepy.
He's said he loves you twice. And you hardly know him!
Also, what happened to romance, sending him naked pictures before he's seen you naked in person. Each to his own but in my opinion, that definitely leads... (read in full...)
Where do I meet these particular types of women?
Q. I'm 27, and thank you for your help at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-become-better-at-dating.html. I will try some of your suggestions and thank you for them. The walking (or hiking as you referred to it) is good socially, bu...
A. 16 August 2013: For meeting people have you tried; http://www.meetup.com/ It's a fantastic way of meeting new people who share similar interests. Also, look for Ted talks around you / conferences. You're likely to find people who share your interests i... (read in full...)
I cheated on my girlfriend of 3 months...what do I do now? Tell her or not?
Q. Hi. I did a terrible thing and cheated on my girlfriend of 3 months. I was out with work mates having drinks (a lot) and on the way home I kissed one of the girls. I absolutely regret it. I am in so much guilt that its eating me inside out. I think ...
A. 15 August 2013: If I kissed someone outside my relationship I would definitely tell. Probably selfishly to get it off my chest and to salvage my guilty conscience but I also owe it to the other person to own up to my mistakes. I'd want to know if someone cheated on ... (read in full...)
I'm 34 and never have had a "proper relationship". Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?
Q. Hi, I'm writing this questions as my confidence in having any proper relationship is pretty low. I am wondering where I am going wrong. I'm starting to wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm 34 and never have had a "p...
A. 12 August 2013: Also, if you want to take a leap of faith, read Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' specifically the Chapter(s) on Six Ways to Make People Like You.
It's all common sense stuff but sometimes having the commonse... (read in full...)
I'm 34 and never have had a "proper relationship". Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?
Q. Hi, I'm writing this questions as my confidence in having any proper relationship is pretty low. I am wondering where I am going wrong. I'm starting to wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm 34 and never have had a "p...
A. 12 August 2013: Right, this is probably not the answer you want to hear - but it sounds like you're doing everything right! The only thing I would say is maybe instead of saying you hope they might be the one you spend the rest of your life with, say something li... (read in full...)
I'm 34 and never have had a "proper relationship". Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?
Q. Hi, I'm writing this questions as my confidence in having any proper relationship is pretty low. I am wondering where I am going wrong. I'm starting to wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm 34 and never have had a "p...
A. 11 August 2013: Don't forget OP, that you will meet many women who won't want to be with you. That's just normal, that you're not 'the one' for many women just like many women are not 'the one' for you.
It's almost a numbers game. Meet as many people as you can,... (read in full...)
I'm 34 and never have had a "proper relationship". Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?
Q. Hi, I'm writing this questions as my confidence in having any proper relationship is pretty low. I am wondering where I am going wrong. I'm starting to wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm 34 and never have had a "p...
A. 10 August 2013: Ask your mates and their girlfriends to set you up with their female friends who are looking to settle down. That way, you're looking in the right pool. Also, when it doesn't work out, your friends' female partners can probably tell you why the girl ... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend insists we get married so we can be together
Q. Thank you in advance for any advice regarding my problem. I am pretty torn up inside and I'm not sure of what I should do. I'm 25 years old and so is my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been in a transatlantic, long distance relationship for about ...
A. 15 July 2013: Ok so you've been together 1.5 years and met up every 5 months for about 2 weeks at a time. So you've spent a total of 6 weeks in each other's company. And the last time you spent with him you felt strange... That leaves 4 good weeks you'v... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't make me cum so I took care of myself but he woke up and caught me and is angry!
Q. Hello aunts and uncles Bf and me have an ok sex life... he gets it anytime he wants, but since he works so many hours I do not initiate(I pounce on his days off) and let him rest during the work days. i never cum unless I touch myself, but h...
A. 21 June 2013: OP, you are going through a lot at the moment. Unemployment + a boyfriend who looks down at you because you haven't found a job yet. Him not making you cum is only a symptom of the underlying problems you two have. Libido is the first to go out the ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't make me cum so I took care of myself but he woke up and caught me and is angry!
Q. Hello aunts and uncles Bf and me have an ok sex life... he gets it anytime he wants, but since he works so many hours I do not initiate(I pounce on his days off) and let him rest during the work days. i never cum unless I touch myself, but h...
A. 21 June 2013: From your response this is not just an issue about orgasms. He sounds like a petulant child or a control freak. You also sound like you ALWAYS accommodate him at any cost and feel inconvenient when you don't. I must say, it doesn't sound li... (read in full...)
Am I using him? Am I worthless?
Q. I want to know if I am out of line. My husband and I have been married for 6 years now he has three kids and I have three . We only have four of the kids living with us because his two older children are adults. I work four months of t...
A. 21 June 2013: I agree with Honeypie that this is something you should have discussed before marriage. Why has this only come up now? Is it symptomatic of a strained relationship and this is just one outlet of his frustration putting you down in this way? Whe... (read in full...)
Is my current relationship worth it?
Q. i am in a relationship of 2 years that generally, i'm content with. i have never had many girlfriends and most of my close friends have always been guys. i do consider myself a tomboy so when a guy hits on me, i'm pretty flattered. my current ...
A. 21 June 2013: No it's not.
Find someone you have a better connection with. You are clearly restless. It's only a matter of time before you start another emotional affair with the next exciting person that comes along because something's missing from your cur... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants a threesome. How do I handle this?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, and have a great, caring, passionate relationship together. We often go out on a date night, go to our friends parties, etc together. Although neither of us are eachother's first long-term relati...
A. 21 June 2013: Most people have fantasies that deviate from the norm. Ironically, that is normal. But you don't have to bend over backward to accommodate his every need or you will lose self. So don't feel guilty drawing a boundary and saying no, you are not ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't make me cum so I took care of myself but he woke up and caught me and is angry!
Q. Hello aunts and uncles Bf and me have an ok sex life... he gets it anytime he wants, but since he works so many hours I do not initiate(I pounce on his days off) and let him rest during the work days. i never cum unless I touch myself, but h...
A. 21 June 2013: This is a very touchy issue indeed. Firstly, I wouldn't say you've done anything wrong by pleasuring yourself per se. But doing it right next to him when he hasn't been able to make you cum is a bil like rubbing salt into the wound a bit. ... (read in full...)
What to make of a woman who has confusing behavior
Q. I've been giving (hopefully useful) advice on Dear Cupid for a while, now I have a question myself. When I walk my dog I occassionally bump into this woman jogging. This has happened at least five times. The first time she actually saw me havi...
A. 18 June 2013: OP, as a woman with a beautiful smile I have to tell you that it's not necessarily flirtatious when a woman smiles at you.
I smile a lot, to myself and to strangers. The number of times this has given guys the wrong signals is incredible! I may be... (read in full...)
How can I stop my clingyness to a guy that is already involved? I am in love with him!
Q. I'm hoping someone will help me I love this guy so much but unfortunately I've made the usual mistakes clingy too emotional etc Ok he's with a girl he's been with her 5 years We got close and kissed twice last year please don't judge he said afte...
A. 18 June 2013: Most people get flattered by receiving attention from the opposite sex even if they would never consider a relationship with that person. He's enjoying your pining over him and you love for him - but he is not returning it and has no intention of ... (read in full...)
In the western culture... who pays the bill on a date?
Q. Hi Dearcupid, I came from asian background and i was on the dating website. Recently i meet a guy on line and went for a coffee date and one dinner date. Now i have a little question to ask " for the western culture, what should happen with...
A. 18 June 2013: It's a matter of personal principles. Myself and most of my friends split the bill with the man. Or another version of splitting the bill is alternating, he pays for one activity / meal and you pay for the next etc. In the end you've both spen... (read in full...)
My friend is behaving as if my other friends are her best friends... I'm not sure how to deal with this. Please advise?
Q. Ive known one of my friends since I was 6 or 7 years old, we are very similar in both looks and personalities but now 11 years later we have changed a lot in personalities and now I dont know how to deal with her, this is my situation: My friend...
A. 18 June 2013: It sounds like you need space from each other. Does she have deep seated insecurities that are making her want to live your life to fulfil her somehow?
Stop hanging out with her so much. Don't tell her when you go out with your other friends ... (read in full...)
My gf left me over a silly mistake... what should I do from here? We love each other!
Q. Thank you for reading... I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years and we are very happy together. We have always been good but she left me last week and i can't see what to do from here. I was at a party a few weeks ago and there were a...
A. 18 June 2013: You are down playing the gravity of what happened here.
Calling it a silly mistake is shirking any responsibility for your actions.
This was a serious error in judgement on your part. The sooner you start acknowledging this, the sooner you w... (read in full...)
Do you think I should even try to have a friends with benefits relationship with him or is that just setting myself up to get heartbroken again?
Q. Hi all, 3 years ago I started dating a Marine. We grew up near each other and were friends for several years before we started dating. We did the long distance thing for about a year when he started asking me to relocate (across country) to marr...
A. 18 June 2013: Going into a friends with benefits situation with someone you have feelings for is asking for trouble. There's nothing in it for you but a reopening of old wounds. He has known you long enough to decide whether he wants to spend the rest of his ... (read in full...)
Every guy I date treats me like they don't care about me?
Q. Last year I started dating and I've been through crap every since. Every guy treats me like I dont even matter. Being a gay male it's hard to find someone. So i turned to a dating app and I have met 10 guys on there and they all do me the same. Make ...
A. 18 June 2013: Maybe try meeting guys in the real world?
It takes no effort to start a conversation with you on a dating app. But it requires effort and commitment to keep it going - which is probably not what they're after. I'm not surprised they fizzle o... (read in full...)
He says he loves me even though he cheated, got another woman pregnant and plan to marry her
Q. I've been seeing this guy since march 2012. I was 20 and he was 33. He's from south america and was doing his masters. It was his last year here and after he's done with the masters he was supposed to leave. So we started this knowing we don't ...
A. 16 June 2013: OP, the only thing keeping you in this relationship is your low self esteem. The last two lines sum everything up. 'I feel like an idiot and noone will love me like he did' You don't think it is possible for someone to want you and only you... (read in full...)
How to cope when you know what he was like in the past??
Q. Hey, I'm just wondering on everyone's take on this situation. My other half have been together a year and a half.... we stay together every night and are pretty settled now which is lovely... I'd known him for a few years beforehand with ...
A. 16 June 2013: 6 months into your relationship and he was still seeing someone else? What sort of foundation did you build your relationship on - Deceit? The first 6 months are when you are utterly crazy for each other with all the novelty and raging hormones.... (read in full...)
Is it stupid to believe in romantic love nowadays?
Q. I'm only at university, but I don't see the point of short-term flings or spending time with guys who don't obviously respect you, and I want an old-fashioned romance. Maybe not a movie, picture-perfect relationship, but one that actually means ...
A. 12 June 2013: It's great that you know what you want. But as you've pointed out, the guy that you are looking for is in the minority. Part of having an exact idea of what you're looking for means you'll have to wait until you meet them. It might happen tomor... (read in full...)
Is it stupid to believe in romantic love nowadays?
Q. I'm only at university, but I don't see the point of short-term flings or spending time with guys who don't obviously respect you, and I want an old-fashioned romance. Maybe not a movie, picture-perfect relationship, but one that actually means ...
A. 12 June 2013: There's someone for everyone. Join as many societies as possible to maximise the chances of finding your match including the Christian Society if you have one. Or the volunteering societies. Join the more academic or career orientated socie... (read in full...)
Every few days we have anal sex but I hate it and scares me to think of having it all my life!
Q. Hello! Straight to the facts: I have a rather big problem in my nearly perfect relationship. For introduction, I must inform you that I am (23) in relationship for nearly 7 month, 2 month ago we have moved together, he is so much caring and lovin...
A. 23 May 2013: OP, would you emotionally blackmail him into doing something he HATES as often as every week purely for your own pleasure? Ie, would you gain pleasure from making your partner suffer? No? That's because people who are loving and carin... (read in full...)
Self-Esteem and Love Life.
Q. I've been about three years without a date, and every once in a while I think to myself "Man, I'd really like to spend more time with her." There are a few reasons I don't act on those feelings not the least of which is the fact that I sincerely ...
A. 3 May 2013: Baby steps. Start doing the things you enjoy, whether it's reading or joining local clubs and societies. Engage in the things that interest you. They are what makes you interesting.
You can't interest another if you have no interests ;)... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and my boyfriend is not and I feel that if I give him my virginity, I'm giving him a claim on me but I won't have any significant claim to him.
Q. Hi so I have a little conflict with myself right now and I don't really know what to do. I happen to be 17 turning 18 and my boyfriend is 19 turning 20 and lately we've been discussing the topic of lovemaking. For starters I do know that I am too ...
A. 2 May 2013: There are lots of questions hidden in your question so I'll address them separately :-)
'For starters I do know that I am too young to be thinking about sex, and I do plan on waiting a bit longer than I expect to. '
It's great that you're self... (read in full...)
I want to tell him I'm in love with him but am worried I may be saying it too soon. What does everyone think?
Q. My boyfriend and I met online. We have been together for almost 2 months now. I am in love with him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same about me. We haven't actually said it yet. Is it the guys job or the girls? He is turning 31 this year, he...
A. 2 May 2013: 2 months is the honeymoon phase. You have the novelty and the passion that really make you feel like this is it.
We've all been there.
Not taking away from what you have, it might well be love, but let it mature :-)
Allow yourself the op... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has asked if I'm ok if he goes to Amsterdam with 2 single friends. I already don't completely trust him! Should I tell him to stay behind?
Q. HI all, Im in a sticky situation with my boyfriend of 3 years, and really need some advice! last year for valentines we went away to Amsterdam on a city break for a couple of days and had such a good time we went again in december, my boyfriend has ...
A. 29 April 2013: You can't build trust by keeping him on a leash. Give him rope enough to prove himself. If you stop him from going, he'll be resentful and you still won't know that you can trust him to behave appropriately when you're not watching. You both lo... (read in full...)
She thinks she's protecting me but I think she's trying to control me. What do you think?
Q. My girlfriend, my gf's sister, my brother, and a couple friends are all mutual friends. We all know each other and hanged out sometimes. We have an event planned to take pictures at a tulip field. Due to certain circumstances, my gf, my gf's sis...
A. 27 April 2013: Firstly, it's *only a camera*. I know DSLRs are expensive but why would she put up such a fuss about it? There must be more to this.
What's her relationship like with your brother? With your family? You do raise a good point about how she has ... (read in full...)
He's moved on and he's happy. What do I do? How do I stop missing him?
Q. About a month and a half ago my boyfriend broke up with me. Over Facebook. We were "that" couple and everyone loved us. We got along on every level and always had such an amazing time together. The last couple weeks we had been fighting because ...
A. 27 April 2013: How do you stop missing him? There's nothing you can do. Only time can ease the pain. However, I must commend you on how you've handled yourself. You've been hanging out with your friends and not desperately talking to him to convince him t... (read in full...)
Is a 17 month relationship too early to be thinking about babies?
Q. Hey everyone, So this basically is a question to ask your view on the situation I am in right now, I am a 23 year old woman and my partner of 17 months is a 26 year old man, the past few weeks we have discussed having a child, please do not think th...
A. 25 April 2013: I respect your moral beliefs about marriage.
But on a practical level, it provides more rights and protection for everyone involved legally speaking.
You have a committed relationship and you presumably want the best for the baby. Why not gi... (read in full...)
Why would my partner keep explicit pictures of their ex? Tried to shrug it off, yet still feel hurt
Q. I looked in my partner's inbox the other day and found explicit pictures that his ex had sent him. I know for a fact that his ex has been to visit him many times. The first I knew of was back in 2009. I have also seen pictures on his ex's Fac...
A. 25 April 2013: There is clearly no trust in this relationship. Can you see yourself going through his inbox and his laundry to check labels for signs of cheating for the rest of your life?
I thought not.
Time to call it quits on this one...... (read in full...)
I'm distraught about his actions. He's been lying to me and talking to another woman on line. Do I stay quiet or confront him?
Q. Not long before my fiancee and I got engaged, we had a fidelity issue- on his part. It took me a long time (and I am just summing this up to keep it short) but eventually I forgave him. Its been YEARS since then but sometimes I get bitten by the b...
A. 25 April 2013: It probably feels like you've invested a lot and you'll be afraid to throw it all away now. But for you own sake, cut your losses and leave this man. You have no trust for him and he is not trustworthy. That is no foundation to build a marriage ... (read in full...)
It's over, but he still wants me around?
Q. My ex boyfriend of 5 years dumped me 4 months ago and won't let me go. He broke my heart. He told me he wasn't fully sure I was the one for him and he couldn't go on feeling these feelings of uncertainty any longer. He told me he loved me and...
A. 25 April 2013: After 5 years, he should know what he wants with you. So I'd be worried that he pulled out when he did. I'd advise you to get on with your life even as you stay friends with him. Mingle with other singles, do all those things you've always w... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to experiment with a woman?
Q. I've been in a relationship for seven months and it's been great for the most part. He recently told me that he thinks every woman should have a sexual experience with another woman, especially if they're in college like myself. He doesn't want to ...
A. 25 April 2013: Sorry he wants you to do what? He wants you to have sex with a random person for his own pleasure regardless of your feelings on the matter because he KNOWS what EVERY woman needs? Your boyfriend sounds controlling and indifferent to y... (read in full...)
My husband said he'd pack up and move to be with his first love! What am I supposed to do?
Q. I just recently found out that my husband's first-love contacted him. I also now know that he was the one making the attempts to find her He says he is still in love with her and never got over her. He also wants to continue contact with her to ...
A. 25 April 2013: Your husband is a selfish, immature and delusional man.
He does not deserve you.
Get a divorce lawyer already.... (read in full...)
I don't want to move into my guy's "boy apartment"! How do I tell him?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for over 3 years, i am just finishing my final year of studying, we have had to go long distance for a couple of months whilst i complete. after i finish uni he wants me to move into his place, i miss hi...
A. 25 April 2013: Have the conversation when you're both in a really good mood. Maybe he doesn't want to feel like he's whipped so he wants to hold on to the last piece of bachelorhood he has. Explain to him that you're happy to wait until he's ready to find a ... (read in full...)
Should I stay in my marriage with 3 children? Or step out with someone who makes me happy?
Q. I have got myself in a real dilemma and could really use some advice. I have been married for fourteen years and have three of the most beautiful children a woman could ask for but I never really loved my husband and got married for all the wrong ...
A. 25 April 2013: IMO, leaving him and the children would be selfish. You decided to commit to this man knowing that you didn't love him. At the very least, you decided you could just about survive his company. You made the call that that was enough for you b... (read in full...)
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