A
female
age
30-35,
*urby
writes:Hello!Straight to the facts: I have a rather big problem in my nearly perfect relationship.For introduction, I must inform you that I am (23) in relationship for nearly 7 month, 2 month ago we have moved together, he is so much caring and loving man (29), that sometimes I cannot believe that this guy is mine, I love him very very much, he loves me also, adores me, though I am rather egoistic, surely much more than him.So, my problem is, my sweetheart is crazy about anal sex, we do it once a week all this time. As for me, I dislike it with all my heart. He shows it, we have discussed it many times, he knows that I hate it and every time I do it, it is only for him.The problem is (it's also being discussed) I don't feel much pain, so I don't really have a good excuse not to do it. Though I feel bad, cannot describe this feeling, but it's not pleasant, so I lye down, hating every second of it and waiting for him to finish. Once in a couple of days he asks me for it, I say "tomorrow" for several days, then the X day we do it (always with a lot of nagging from my side).Several times I said no, and we had a quarrel, then we did it, and so on.So, my point is, I hate it, in my perfect world we'd never do it again. From the other hand, maybe it's just me that I am not grateful for all the love and care that he gives me. Who is right and what we should do?It scares me that all my life (if we were together) I would have to do it. Thank you for your patience while reading it, I am lost in my thoughts right now, so my statement may not look clear enough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2013): I did this for my ex partner for seven years, seven years for the same reason! The only enjoyment I got was that it satisfied him. I have been out of this dysfunctional relationship for a year now & I can't tell you how relieved I am. He was a truly selfish person. Have you thought his acting nice might be to get what he wants, manipulative mind tricks. Not saying it is the case with you, was with me. There are many many reasons I am now glad this relationship is over but probably top is that I don't have to trade off a great orgasm with giving up anal anymore & I hope I have avoided getting any associated health problems as a result. I always worried at the back of my mind that he would give me some kind of associated cancer in that region.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 OP I'm going to cut to the point
YOU don't want it
HE wants it and clearly is selfish and inconsiderate of you and your feelings. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU ENOUGH.
so here are your options as I see it.
say no and lose him
or
say yes and just "close your eyes and think of England" so to speak.
Personally, I think you question us and ask us for advice because the unspoken is "he will leave if I say no and I don't want to be alone"
so tell me this is being with a man who has no respect or love for you better than being alone?
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 The problem is; …“I don't feel much pain”
YOUR GOOD EXCUSE IS – HEALTH RISKS of INFECTION through tearing, CANCER and PHYSICAL DAMAGE Rectal Prolapse and exacerbating Haemorrhoids!
Experiment, have fun by all means; but do not accept anal sex as a routine practise especially without a condom or going from one hole to another, period!
TAKE CARE – CAA
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): Just say NO!
My b.f. has been pressuring me to have anal sex with him for almost 2 years now!! He thinks that if he "gears me up" for it, that I will change my mind... Basically coaxing me lol. He tries... I Let him try it the beginning of the relationship *one time*. IT HURT LIKE HELL, so i stopped it right away! So... I said no from that day on. You have to be firm! If he really loves you, he will respect your wishes :))
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): No, this is all wrong. If you are performing a sexual act that you do not like, just to please him, and often, there is a real problem in this relationship. If this guy is as wonderful as you say, having an honest, open discussion about this and explaining that you cannot have anal sex anymore for xyz reasons, he will respect your feelings and decisions on that matter. If he cannot, or will not, this is not the guy for you. Why? because down the road it's not just going to be about anal sex. It's going to be a whole string of things. If you are getting zero pleasure from anal, you really need to stop it. Unless he's had the same done to him, he will not get it. Unless a guy is bi, or gay, it's not likely he's had anal and all he has to go on is what he's seen before, not how it really is, so they simply do not understand what it is to a women. I happen to be a women who loves anal, just so you know I am not trying to sway you in one direction or another. This is about your body, respecting your body and having a man who will do the same. Otherwise, you are like one of those skank porn stars who does whatever they are told to do. You just aren't getting any money for it.
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female
reader, queenadelaide  +, writes (23 May 2013):
OP, would you emotionally blackmail him into doing something he HATES as often as every week purely for your own pleasure?Ie, would you gain pleasure from making your partner suffer? No? That's because people who are loving and caring don't take pleasure in making their beloved suffer.When he's having his way with you, after he's pestered you into saying yes, knowing fully well you're hating every second of it... where is that love then OP? Is he connecting emotionally with you and making you feel good as a loving partner should? Or is he using you as an unfeeling object whose well being is unimportant?I agree with the other responses. Tell him upfront that you hate anal and you won't subject yourself to that sort of degradation again where you have to put up with being used for something you hate.If he can't live with that then he doesn't really love you. He just loves your ^^se.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 What's " love and care " got to do with being forced into unwanted sexual acts ? Do you feel that you have to pay him back for his love and care with your body ? heck no- love and care are free, do not ask for compensation, and if you want to reciprocate them because your heart tells you so, YOU choose the way , that does not have necessarily pass through your anal orifice .
OP, you have been a good sport, it's not that you were opposed on principle or out of stubborness. Once a week in a few months, makes at least 20- 30 times, and if after 20-30 attempts you still don't like it, in fact you hate it, it's really time to say, enough, anal sex is not my thing , forget about it.
You do not need any excuse, and you don't need to squirm in pain or bleed, the fact that you hate it is a more than sufficient " excuse ".
Tell him that sorry but anal sex is over, sex is supposed to be enjoyable for BOTH. And if this is a deal breaker for him, if he cannot even conceive a relationship without anal sex, - then it just means that unluckily you are not sexually compatible, although you may be compatible from other points of view. And that you should not be together because ultimately sexual compatibility is
a big part of a successful relationship. ( Unless we also want to think that he is the kind of man for which woman's asses are way more important than women's hearts and minds ).
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female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (23 May 2013):
 OP this is awful and I can't believe you think it's ok. It doesn't matter if you don't feel pain, you HATE it yet you're doing it one a week. If I were with someone who loved anal sex I might do it once a year, of my own free will, because I wanted to give that person something special. Not every week after being pressured and cajoled into it. I'm sorry but your relationship is not perfect. This is a major flaw. Your boyfriend is more interested in his own selfish desires than in your enjoyment and your feelings. What sacrifices does he make for you? He argues with you and pushes you because he knows you're weak and you'll give in. This will not stop. I suspect he is just happy he's found someone who will always give in to his ridiculous and selfish demands. He's got the upper hand in this relationship by miles.You've also been together for a short time, in my humble opinion, to be having regular anal sex, or anything that you don't want to do for that matter. When you've been together for a long time and know you're both in it for the long haul then you can start to experiment and TRY new things. If one of you doesn't like them, you don't do those things again.You need to grow a backbone, OP. Your body is yours and you need to reclaim it. My view is that you're not sexually or otherwise compatible with this guy. After a while the initial excitement you had about him will wear off and you'll be left with a selfish, controlling man who pressures you into doing something you're extremely uncomfortable with. I would walk away from him but it's up to you of course and you probably won't. In that case you really need to stand up for yourself. Don't say you'll do it tomorrow or any other day. Say you will never do it. Say you hate it and it does nothing for you and you will not be pressured into doing it again. My guess is he'll probably dump you pretty soon after that anyway.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 May 2013):
 A person should never be pressured into doing something that hurts them, makes them uncomfortable or if they dislike doing it.
Your bf shouldn't be fighting with you if you tell him no to anal sex. I used to have this problem with my bf and I told him, if you want to do that to me, then I get to do it to you. It's only fair, especially since I don't enjoy it nor do it want to do it.
Its not okay that your bf pressures you to do this, have you considered breaking up with him, if anal sex is what it takes to keep you two together, it wouldn't be worth it for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): In my opinion, your boyfriend should never make you do something that you don't like doing, regardless of how much he likes it and regardless of whether you can describe in detail why you dislike it. I think it shows a lack of respect for you that he makes you do it.
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