A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last year I started dating and I've been through crap every since. Every guy treats me like I dont even matter. Being a gay male it's hard to find someone. So i turned to a dating app and I have met 10 guys on there and they all do me the same. Make me feel like that won't me and them distance their self from me like I don't matter. Only about 2 of them out of the ten really cared for me but I didn't feel that way about them. The ones I wonted acted like they wonted me and then started acting like they didn't like me. I'm currently talking to five guys. I'm just talking and dating. Nothing more but they act like they don't like me but I'm confused because they did at first and I don't know what I do wrong. I give them attention. Show that Im interested and try to do things but they aren't giving it back. For example: 2 guys that I like the most. I text them all the time. Show them that I'm interested and care but they don't text back nor call that much. But they stay online on the dating app but never reply to me. Pretty much all of them do that. If u can be on there all the time why cant u text me, see how I'm doing or something. I do it. Give me what I give u to show I matter. All I ask. They swear up and down that there not doing anything on them. Just talking to friends or whatever but why can't u talk to me for once. I can go days without texting. Wouldn't even here from them and it makes me sad because Im talking to more than one but yet they doing me the same way. I'm not doing anything wrong. I require attention but who doesn't won't SOME. It hurts me and get them because me and these guy have been close but they treat me like crap. The reason why Im talking to this many is because one did wrong. I went to meet another and so on and so on. Ane it added up but i never disconnected the last because i really like them but i feel so unwanted and it makes me sad. I feel led on I guess Im to nice and emotional and week Guess I gotta be mean. I texted all them today. Hardly no reply backs but I get on the dating app. They online on there and trust that app doesn't lie. All of them online 10 or 1 minute ago but can't txt me back or call. I'm very picky and so these guys are special. Idk what to Do. Tired of feeling unwanted. And I always be a punk and text them or forgive them. I ready for the right guy because I've never had real relation. NEVER. But I hope at least one of these guys change. It really hurts me that i was happy with them at first, they made me feel great. What should I do about this situation?
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female
reader, lilly123  +, writes (22 June 2013):
 i dont want to sound harsh here but how can you get angry that they are clearly seeing other people when your doing it too? you sound really desperate to get attention and thats all wrong, you need to learn to be happy by yourself so you dont come off as too much or too full on, when you learn to be happy on your finding someone you actually like makes your life so much better but its not the be all and end all. Be happy on your own before you meet mrs right
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): Dating online is tough because you meet so many people who are really superficial. It's all about looks and sex.
You will learn that dating is a little tough; because you're dealing with other single guys who may just be coming out. They want everything they see, like kids in a candy shop.
Some guys already have boyfriends or husbands, and still search the web for fun on the side. They're wonderful and so romantic. Until they get busted.
Don't think because a guy is handsome, he must be perfect in every other way. They only go out with certain "types;" because they need to show off and only be seen with the hottest-looking guys. Never mind the fact he is a nasty snob with a possible mental disorder. It's all about looks, looks, looks. So grow a thicker skin. You'll need one.
These guys aren't really ready for anything too serious. They just want to see how much attention they can get, and how many cute guys they can connect with. You say you know several, so you know how it is.
Sorry, but that is what gay online dating has to offer.
You get to meet a ton of people using dating sites; so people tend to be less sensitive. Allergic to commitment, and can rarely pronounce words with more than two syllables.
They always claim to be looking for a long-term relationship. Really???
Only if you have a ton of cash. As many of my successful professional friends have learned over the years.
They always see someone else they think is better than the one they already have. It's stupid, but that's how it is. I'm sure that has happened to you a few times too.
You've got a lot of competition; and unfortunately, many guys on sites are just looking for a quick hookup. Not many of them have interactive skills; so you can't expect a lot of feedback or followup communication from them. They're a bunch of party boys just looking for some fun. If it's too hot, get out of the kitchen.
So try to talk to them to get inside their heads. I mean "talk to them." Not text messaging. Verbal communication; using the voice.
You can eliminate a lot of duds. They're mannequins without brains if they don't have a device in their hand. It's great as long as they can make up stupid crap; and send a bunch of misspelled abbreviated nonsense.
Many will be brain-dead when you actually try to carry on a conversation. So you only get one good date, sex, and that's about the extent of it. Next!!!
Some will be strung out on recreational drugs; so they can't carry on a coherent conversation. Even their text messages are usually two to three word sentences. Yet everybody swears by online dating! Yep!!!!
If you're looking for someone a little more into meaningful dating, then try meeting people in person.
Most guys you meet online have about 20 other guys they're texting; 50 they're following on Facebook. Then another 5 they'll be hooking up with at an orgy, once they leave your apartment. Thus are the benefits of online dating. So you must not complain young man.
They don't have time to spend just talking and hanging out with you. They have to shop for outfits and go to the gym.
You're much too serious.
Don't expect immediate romantic connections with people. That's unrealistic. You may connect with 50 guys, before you meet someone that actually likes you. That's why you date. It's a trial period.
You should enjoy spending time and having fun together. If there is any chemistry, he'll stick around and he'll want to get to know you better. If he doesn't, don't get bent out of shape. Let him go. Next!!!
Stop looking for a relationship. Being desperate scares people away. I don't speak Klingon; so clingy people scare me too.
Watch your attitude. Getting aggravated because people don't want you sends out a bad signal about yourself. The guys you've dated will go back online, and spread the word.
Just be patient and not get too lovey-dovey and serious every time you meet up with a new guy. Take your time and be charming. Relax and see what chemistry will develop between you.
Don't force it or be too pushy; just because you think he's cute, and you're afraid he'll get away. He has to come to you of his own free will. You're searching for someone who likes you back. Don't cling to people trying to make them like you.
Don't depend so much on people text messaging you back. Especially when you're dating online. They take calls in the order received. They're like calling the bank. Most of the time their voice-mail boxes are full. Don't expect to get a live person.
Many of your dates will be screwed up and creepy. They're great to look at, have great bodies, but their heads are on backwards. That's often why they turn to dating sites; because they can't connect so easily in the world of reality.
Many are on anxiety meds and drug therapy for depression. That's okay, as long as they behave like the meds are working. They don't always remember to take them. You could be dating Hannibal or Dexter. Ever so charming.
It's easy to find people. It will always be harder to find the right guy. It's meant to be that way. Dating is the way we weed out those that are incompatible. It's how we meet all types of cool people, and make ourselves available for the person meant for us.
Once you relax and end your mission to find an instant boyfriend, dating will become a lot more fun. There are guys with interesting hobbies and talents to share. They take you on adventures and teach you things. They introduce you to wonderful experiences you may never seek on your own.
Try looking for people who like to do fun things; and share the things you like to do. More time "doing things" than staring at a screen on a mobile device, that is. Or messaging other dates while sitting next to you.
You are too busy scouting for a guy who instantly decides he is ready to be your boyfriend. Finding boyfriends is like hunting for buried treasure.
Sorry, life isn't quite so simple.
Young gay men may laugh at my advice; and some may consider it to be old-fashioned. It's based on my education, experience, research, and advice given to me over the years.
Somethings never change. Logic and reason are are good tools. You've got to have a thick skin and an open mind.
If young gays listened to reason and sound advice, they'd find what they're looking for. They'd realize that it takes time to find a person on the same page. That relationships change over time. You're not always in the honeymoon phase.
You fight, and you disagree. He might cheat. You might cheat. He may not be over his ex-boyfriend. He could be mean and controlling. These things may not be evident when you first fall in love. So many say "he changed..." No, he didn't. You were blinded by love. Found him online, and they rushed immediately into a relationship.
So take your time, if you want them to care about you.
Once you find them, you have to know what to do next. How to make them want to stick around to be with you. Know when to compromise and when to stand your ground.
It will not always be wonderful and perfect. You will experience disappointment, rejection, and heartbreak.
Such is life, and that is the process.
So just continue dating, just stop trying to cling to every cutie who comes your way. Wait and see if he is interested enough to come back of his own free will. Wait to hear him say, he likes "you" and wants to see more of you. Stop pouring out your feelings after a couple of fun dates. Try a few more dates, and then see if he stays in touch. Then take it from there.
Stop falling apart if he stops texting. Give him 3 days.
Forget about him. Next!!!
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 June 2013):
I'm a straight male and I can't find much luck either. My point being that dating is still pretty tough and is a learning experience. Try to change it up a bit and experiment but I think getting some real world meeting would help a lot. You do seem pretty wound up on the dating site details and something like that just isn't healthy. It will force out insecurities from you and will make you type or talk in a way that shows such. So try to get some RnR and bring yourself back down to earth. The less you focus on dating, the easier it actually becomes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): Did it ever occur to you maybe they know you're still playing the field and talking to several guys. If I were interested in someone only to find out that she is flirting and dating other guys then you better believe I too would distance myself from her. In that scenario, these guys are doing the right thing. Thier time is too precious to waste on someone who doesn't know what he wants.
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A
female
reader, queenadelaide +, writes (18 June 2013):
Maybe try meeting guys in the real world?
It takes no effort to start a conversation with you on a dating app. But it requires effort and commitment to keep it going - which is probably not what they're after. I'm not surprised they fizzle out. They probably didn't want anything intense. The fun is in the chase, and when they get you, they get bored.
Meet more people in the real world
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