A
male
age
41-50,
*ennnnny
writes:Thank you for reading...I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years and we are very happy together. We have always been good but she left me last week and i can't see what to do from here.I was at a party a few weeks ago and there were a bunch of people taking photos and there was a girl there that liked me. I didn't like her in that way. People were hugging and being silly for the camera and this girl leaned in to kiss me for the camera. I went in for the photo and kissed her on the lips. Nothing more.I told the girl i wasn't interested as she tried to chase me for a while and last week i got a call from my girlfriend crying at 3am saying this girl had found her on facebook and sent her the photo. She also said we slept together.I said none of it was true , as it wasn't but she doesn't believe me, She said kissing is still cheating and that was it.I know i was wrong but it was literally for the camera, there was nothing behind it. The thing that's worse is, at the very start of our relationship, my girlfriend messed up and slept with someone else. It was hard but i forgave her and we moved on. That was a long time ago.I know 2 wrongs don't make a right but i forgave her for something much worse. Even her family like me and say the same thing.I know it sounds silly but apart from this bump in the road, we are really happy together, she even said we were so so happy.We also have a holiday booked that we have been looking forward to.We both went out separately on the weekend with friends. She told me that guys were trying it on and she kissed a guy as she wanted to hurt me but she stopped quickly as it made her feel sick. I went over to see her last night with some flowers and said let's draw a line in the sand and both move forward. She was crying saying that i hurt her and she just needs some time for herself without people telling her what is right or wrong. I left and came home and she sent me a goodnight text and that she loves me. I think i will just leave her alone for a few days.What shall i do from here? thanks for reading
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 June 2013):
 Listen, I'm calling you out on this one here:
This wasn't some one-time thing. You made it sound like there was some girl who randomly liked you, so it was a spontaneous random event. You can't fool me for one second.
You've been letting this girl shower your ego with adoration for far too long, and you took it too far that night. How did she know your name? How did she know your girlfriend's name? How did she know to deliberately get the picture, post it, and attack your girlfriend by saying you slept together?
A girl who randomly meets a guy at some one-time party doesn't do something like that. Your girlfriend knew about this girl, and you liked how she made you feel, so you led her on, flirting with the "line" until you crossed it the night of the party. You nursed her feelings for you for your selfish reasons, and now it just bit you in the ass.
Your girlfriend should have dropped you FAST for your ego-stroking disloyal bullshit with this girl...so now you want a "let's just call it even" re-set? Not on your life, because your character flaw is still there. She may have reacted immaturely, but you are only sorry you got caught with this other girl.
Not only that, but you USED this other girl's feelings for you. You, sir, don't deserve your girlfriend, and you shouldn't use other women to prop up your ego when you have a loving girlfriend back home.
This is not some "silly" mistake. You are a cheater.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (18 June 2013):
 Give her space. What you did was wrong, and i'm sure you realise that now.
What she has done (i.e. kissing someone else to deliberately hurt you) is worse in my eyes because it was premeditated and she was deliberately trying to be nasty to you.
You need to both learn from this, but be patient with her.
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A
female
reader, Noodleness  +, writes (18 June 2013):
 It may not seem like a big deal to some, but I happen to agree with the first two posters.You definitely don't seem to grasp why your girlfriend is upset, and although you may feel like its nothing major to get upset about, I doubt you would feel that way if roles were reversed.You showed disrespect to your girlfriend by kissing another woman on the lips (whoever she is and for WHATEVER reason), made even more upsetting by the fact you were at a party, having fun and did this in front of a room full of people, for a photo to be posted wherever.As a previous poster said, this to me is almost worse than if you had slept with her or had some sort of affair, as you can be blinded by love, lust, passion or whatever, but to humiliate your girlfriend in front of friends and to then stay at the party and continue to have a good time says to me you only thought it was a mistake after this girl sent the photo to your girlfriend and disrupted things.She may never believe that you didn't sleep with this girl, and that may be partly to do with the fact she slept with someone early on in your relationship, but this has come at a time when you say you're past that, you say you've moved on, you were perfectly happy and you'd been together long enough.You need to make sure this girl will never be an issue again, apologise to her for leading her on (by kissing her), see if you can have a reasonable talk with her asking why she said you'd slept together when you havent (so you could perhaps save the message and show your girlfriend) but afterwards (or if she doesn't play ball, don't get angry) remove her from your phone, social network sites, whatever, and make sure your girlfriend knows this. You should give her all the space she needs but make it quite clear that you know exactly why she's upset and that her behaviour is not unreasonable at this point in time. Don't push her and don't bring up the past. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 June 2013):
 You need to leave her alone and stop apologising. You kissed a girl and yes two wrongs dont make it right, I still dont think its worth your GF throwing the relationship away.
Send her a test telling her you love her and miss her and would like to make this relationship work. Also tell her that its now up to her to reach out to because you love her and respect her and she needs to find it in her heart to let this go.
Stop all contact and sit tight. If she wants you back, she will reach out to you, if she does not - you have your answer.
No amount of begging and pleading will get her back as she needs to realise for herself if you are worth fighting for like what you did.
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A
female
reader, queenadelaide +, writes (18 June 2013):
You are down playing the gravity of what happened here.
Calling it a silly mistake is shirking any responsibility for your actions.
This was a serious error in judgement on your part. The sooner you start acknowledging this, the sooner you will start understanding why she is taking it so seriously. If you really don't see why it wasn't just a silly mistake then you're probably not mature enough to be in a serious relationship.
The fact that she cheated doesn't mean that you have one over her - that you can use it as a trump card when you act irresponsibly. You chose to forgive her so that's on you. Stop keeping a record of wrongs. She has chosen not to forgive you (yet) that's her choice albeit hypocritical.
For now, all you can do is give her space and stop trying to make out that what you did was nothing serious.
You disrespected your relationship and your girlfriend in the name of having a laugh. That's almost worse than a serious affair where you have the excuse of being 'blinded by passion and love'
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