A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend, my gf's sister, my brother, and a couple friends are all mutual friends. We all know each other and hanged out sometimes. We have an event planned to take pictures at a tulip field. Due to certain circumstances, my gf, my gf's sister, and I can't attend the photo shoot.I received a text msg from my brother asking if he could borrow my DSLR camera for the photo shoot since I can't go. I replied yes, but I left the camera at my gf's place because we had a different photo shoot about 2 weeks ago. Before I left my gf's place, I told her I need to pick up the camera to give to it to my brother. My gf immediately says that she doesn't like it all because she thinks our mutual friends are using my brother to borrow my camera for the planned photo shoot. I told her he's my brother, and I don't have a problem with it. Essentially, she kept saying she doesn't like that I loan the camera to my brother and implying that I should not. She assumes that my brother isn't using the camera to take pictures of himself, but rather for the other people. In my mind I am questioning if she would have said the same thing if my parents were to borrow my camera to take pictures of their friends. Or if her younger brother were to borrow it to take pictures of his friends. Likewise, her sister and her sister's friend also borrowed my camera a few times for their photo shot before but she doesn't have a problem with that.I feel as if she is trying to control who I can or can't loan my camera to - not even if it's my own brother who she thinks is being used. It's ironic because the group of friends that are going to the photo shoot are mostly HER friends. Anyway, I picked up the camera, kissed her on the cheek, and left.I am sure she'll tell me later that I ignored her feelings and that I don't value or don't care what she says. She will then tell me that she doesn't think I love her enough because I chose to ignore what she thinks. I don't know how to deal with this. She thinks that she's protecting me, but I just find that controlling. Can anyone help?PS: We are both between 25-30 years old and it's our first relationship for both of us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's a pretty basic DSLR camera that I bought about five years ago for simple photo shooting for about $600. It's been used quiet a bit by me, her, and her sister in the last three years. My gf has a huge issue with people borrowing HER stuff. She absolutely hates it when people try to borrow HER stuff. Although she doesn't borrow other people stuffs either. Somehow, this mentality carries to my camera as well.She has a pretty good relationship with my brother and family, so I don't think that's a problem.I haven't spoke to her this morning yet. She was telling me last night that my brother is being used by our mutual friends to borrow my camera. It's not that she doesn't want my brother to borrow it. For me, I don't really care what he uses it for as long as it's handled carefully. I wasn't going to use the camera today and it's not that important to me, so I had no problem with him borrowing.She believes that because this group of our mutual friends are going for a photo shoot, that they are using my brother to borrow the camera. While it may be true, my brother took pictures for me and my gf many times, and she had no problem with that. Even more, my brother is going to take picture of himself too as well. And this is the FIRST time that this group has ever gone to a photo shoot together.
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female
reader, queenadelaide  +, writes (27 April 2013):
Firstly, it's *only a camera*. I know DSLRs are expensive but why would she put up such a fuss about it? There must be more to this.
What's her relationship like with your brother? With your family? You do raise a good point about how she has double standards about lending to your family and hers. Sit down and ask her why exactly she has a problem with you lending to your brother...
If she thinks you don't love her because of this one small incident then she has major security issues that she needs to deal with. It's your cost to incur were something to happen to it in any case.
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