A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for seven months and it's been great for the most part. He recently told me that he thinks every woman should have a sexual experience with another woman, especially if they're in college like myself. He doesn't want to see or watch it happen but he said it'd turn him on if he knew I was "with" a girl. Is it worth it? I'm opposed to it because he said it'd be beneficial for him since it'd be a huge turn-on and he felt hurt that I said no. I don't want to compromise my morals even though I want to make him happy. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (26 April 2013):
If you are happy witb him and like him then you need to put him straight, very firmly. Either he is a selfish controlling freak or he is just childish and naive and has probably watched far too much porn. Tell him his fantasies are best kept inside his head. Tell him also he should try a gay hookup if he thinks thats what everyone should try. Help him understand that you are no more attracted to doing this with another woman than he would be with another guy. If he wants you to do it just for him then if I were you I would doubt how much he cares about or respects you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 April 2013):
 HOW one-sided and self-serving does this creep have to be before you are able to see that there is no future with him????? Send him on his way....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 April 2013):
 OK, so HE thinks EVERY woman should have a sexual experience with another woman, but what do YOU think?
Is this something you WANT to do? And Do you really think it's more then a fantasy for him? I have seen people try and live out their fantasies and it backfires, because all of a sudden it's NOT what they REALLY want, only the IDEA of it. So then you are left with the fact that you did something that you really didn't find morally right and perhaps even didn't want to do, ALL to please him. What's next? Swinging? 3-somes?
If you want to experiment with other woman I do't see a problem, but I DO see it being a problem IF your morals tells you it's cheating and personally, it would for me too. So I'd save that "fantasy" for when you are single.
And him being HURT that you don't WANT to do this? Really?
I'm sorry that is seriously screwed up. It's not like he is asking you to eat vanilla when you prefer chocolate. It's about you having to let go or ignore your own moral compass to PLEASE him.
I have to agree with Ciar. He is grooming you to take you out of your comfort-zone. If you do this, I bet you, it won't be long before he tell you you HAVE to do YZX because you cheated or because if you can have sex with a woman you can have it with a XYZ or a donkey.
Sorry, if he can't take and accept the no, he can go fly a kite.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): He sounds awful. Ditch him. Things will only go downhill from here. I dated a guy who asked me exactly the same thing. At first I thought it was a joke. Several times, during sex, he asked me if I had given another guy oral sex in the time since we'd last seen each other. I usually answered with, "No, have you?" and he would drop it. He then started telling me that he wanted me to have sex with another girl and take pictures, and that if I didn't do it by such-and-such date, I wouldn't see him again. I liked him a lot but I never had any thoughts of doing it, I just stopped calling him instead because I realised I was nothing to him and he was just trying to manipulate me for his own sexual pleasure. He still tries to contact me now (a year on) but I'll never see him again.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 April 2013):
 What if he told you it would turn him on if he knew you were having sex with a llama?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Your boyfriend is grooming you for a threesome and if that works out, more of them.
This is, quite literally, textbook strategy for a man trying to convince a hesitant woman into agreeing to one. The first step is to convince the women that this is for them and to get them to feel safe enough to share the man.
First he encourages them to have a few private encounters. He doesn't have to be there in the beginning, but eventually he'll want to be. He'll say he's 'content to just watch' because he's counting on them to lower their guard and enjoy each other to feel safe enough to invite him to join in.
Let's assume you go ahead with this and it works out. Do you think he won't want you to do it again? Do you think he won't ever want to watch? Maybe even join in?
Once a man sees you're willing to violate your own code, he'll know he has you and can do as he pleases with you.
It all starts somewhere.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Your boyfriend is a funny funny guy. Funny as in weird, not funny as in haha. I think he's begun grooming you for a threesome. The rest is just simply nonsense.
Good news is that you have only wasted seven months on this guy. Bad news is that's seven months you can never get back. Oh well, time to let this bizarre sexual philosopher go.
If you cave because he makes hurt faces and seems sad, oh dear, you need a backbone transplant.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Your boyfriend really has some nerve. You've told him it compromises your morals, but somehow he thinks he can trump your morals by "feeling hurt"? Excuse me?
How do you think you'd feel after being coerced into having sex with a woman, when it goes against your inclinations and morals? You'd be more hurt than he's feeling now!
It could also be the start of a slippery slope, where he uses it to get a free pass to do whatever he thinks all college boys should do.
He sounds controlling. Stand your ground. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Hi, Its simple dont do anything that dont make you feel comfortable. I for one cannot understand how someone who loves you would want to share you with another man or woman.
Sound like your BF is not just satisified with you and wants to experiment. You need to decide if you are willing to put up with this or it may be time to move on.
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female
reader, queenadelaide +, writes (25 April 2013):
Sorry he wants you to do what?He wants you to have sex with a random person for his own pleasure regardless of your feelings on the matter because he KNOWS what EVERY woman needs? Your boyfriend sounds controlling and indifferent to your feelings. He does not care about you.' I'm opposed to it because he said it'd be beneficial for him since it'd be a huge turn-on and he felt hurt that I said no.' You say no to acting out his fantasies and he makes you feel guilty?He is a nasty piece of work and I hope you realise that he does not care about you at all. No loving person would EVER do this.For your own well being you need to break up with him and find someone who respects you. This jerk is putting pressure on you to do what he wants. The minute you cave in and get with a girl, he will increase the pressure and say he wants to watch and before you know it, you'll be in a menage a trois...Leave him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): "He recently told me that he thinks every woman should have a sexual experience with another woman, especially if they're in college like myself."
Does he also think that every man should have sexual experience with another man?
It's simple OP, do not do anything you're opposed to for anyone else, he should never want you to compromise your morals for him. A good boyfriend would never do that.
You know my fiancée would simply tell him she will get with a girl if he gets with a man while she watches.
There is no way in hell he'll get with another man, so tell him that's the only way you would do it. He can try and tell you any bullshit story he wants OP, if it's fair for you to do it then why doesn't he do it with a guy? If he says it's different tell him it's not. Tell him it's only fair and say that it's not just women who should experience each other but guys should also feel waht it's like to take a penis in their mouth and ass, and when he does that you'll happily get with another woman and not before then.
That way OP he won't keep trying to convince you because all you say is that he knows what he has to do and the conversation is over.
OP I'm all for enacting my partners fantasies but she would never try and convince me to do something I'm morally opposed to. Your guy doesn't either.
Try the man on man thing, he can't argue his way out that one.
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A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (25 April 2013):
Let's keep this simple. Based on what you have written my answer is a resounding NO.
You feel how you feel. Do not let this trouble you or present any kind of dilemma.
Find someone with whom your preferences and morals are more compatible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): Why should you have sex with someone else to make him happy? Fair enough if you were bisexual and confused - but otherwise he sounds very srlfish - ask him to have sex with another man lol if he wants you to have such a good experience :p also if you have sex with another person, it won't really be a monagomous relationship - he could even use it against you.My boyfriend once told me he fantasized about a threesome when he was younger (this was 3 years ago when we first got together) and he told me he would never do it because it has the potential to destroy a relationship.I know you're not talking about a threesome, but it seems to me he has a strange fetish about it that turns him on. I think it's ridiculous he thinks every woman should have a female experience - he does realise most women are totally straight and not attracted to other women. I think he's manipulating you into sounding like hes doing you a favour, when really its for his own self gratification.I think you need to have a think about the situation and talk to him. Why should he be upset - if he does it sounds like hes pressuring you into sex with someone else.But yourself first hunnie, youre worth it :) sorry if I sounded harsh, hope i didnt offend! X x
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 April 2013):
 If you fee it will compromise your morals then don't do it. The fact he doesn't seem to give a flying fig for how you feel about this, but went wah wah wah his widdle feelings were hurt because you said no just indicates to me he has no respect for you, your morals, or your thoughts or feelings.
Are you sure he is the guy for you? Right now most of the above possibly doesn't mean much, but if you are looking long term with this so called man, seriously consider if he is asking you to compromise on this now what might he be expecting you to compromise on in a year, 5 years, 10 years. Once you 'give in' to a request which goes against your very being like this, you will be setting a precedence for the future, and all he will have to say is, oh by saying no you hurt my feelings and there you'll be ........
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