A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Please help! Any advice would be appreciated. So I've been in a long-term relationship with my fella for a few years now, but in that time we haven't had sex and we are both virgins. I would like to point out here that this is my fault, we tried a few times and it hurt so bad we decided to put it on hold for a while as it wasn't that big of a deal to us. Fast forward two years and still no sex! We haven't even tried! Again, my fault; I'm on medication that's ruined my sex drive. Anyway, he's now expressing his frustration, even so far as to suggest he go to the doctor to be put on a suppressant or something so he doesn't feel as horny all the time. So I got off my butt and took action. Went to a dr where we agreed I probably have vaginismus, but due to some background stuff (mental illnesses etc) she wasn't able to give me any treatment. So I googled, put on my big girl panties, and went to Ann summers. Where I bought a nice little vibrator/dildo that starts very small and widens as it goes (as I'd never even put fingers in my area) as well as some slightly numbing lube. Took a few tries and some breathing exercises but result! I got it in, and have used it a few times now. It's a little smaller than a penis in length but it's long enough i think. However, it does not feel good at all! Uncomfortable, a little painful...no bleeding, but how am I meant to get relaxed and turned on enough to have actual sex if I can't even enjoy what was essentially me masturbating? Anyway, any advice would be great, like should I go back to the doctor?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2017): I had vaginismus, and boy oh boy it hurts! But I did get over it and am now in a very happy satisfying relationship with my man. But it took us some time to get there.... You have done and are doing the right thing with the dildo. I also agree with "Been there now over it"'s suggestion that you use vaginal dilators to slow get yourself used to something the size of a penis inside you.In the meantime, don't expect to be able to have full intercourse immediately. You and your fella can have lots of fun without full intercourse. And the more he stimulates you and turns you on, the more relaxed you will be. You can also help satisfy his sexual frustration in return. Over time, with the help of the dildo and/or the vaginal dilators, and lots of non penetrative sex with your fella, you will start to relax and you will get there. But you must keep at it, and you must not give up hope.
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (9 April 2017):
 There's gotta be some other treatment that won't conflict with your mental health regiment. In the meantime, maybe you should look into oral/hand stuff with your beau, for both of you. Or is your guy saying that's not enough for him?
I know medications are difficult to get right, but if your meds (I'm assuming for the mental health) are interfering with your sex drive, you don't have to resign yourself to that-I had a reaction to a particular antidepressant that killed my ability to orgasm and I switched to a different one and the side effect went away.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (9 April 2017):
Have you tried vaginal dilators? You can even find them on Amazon. They are a nested set with the smallest one not much bigger than a finger, allowing you to take baby steps.
But first, I would go to another doctor. Ask to talk with him or her when you make the appointment, notifying them of whatever you have that made the last doctor reject treatment.
Also, research the internet...I just Googled "Vaginismus Treatment" and got 321,000 links!
Sex can be a lot of fun! Stay off your butt and get this problem fixed!
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