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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello.A specialist came to our house today to assess our 2.5 year old, having had some concerns raised by myself and nursery surrounding sensory sensitivities and learning difficulties. As suspected, our 2.5 year old is being referred due to strong suspicions of autism. To be honest I'm relieved as I have suspected as much for a long time but no one, least of all my husband believed me and thought I was 'overthinking it' and being 'paranoid' The trouble is, this diagnosis doesn't really change much in the sense that I struggle a GREAT DEAL with parenting. I have been in antidepressants for years and am pending my own review for ADHD and ASD. I have little patience and very low moods and struggle every single day. I try SO damn hard to think of fun and educational things for us to do on our days together, always make an effort to make home cooked meals for her and grit my teeth a lot during the meltdowns and repetitive playtime but inside I am struggling and lack the emotional support I need to be present at all times and manage her autism . Lots of things I have read discuss patience and positive re enforcement but I'm already trying my damp hardest to do this and it still isn't as good as it needs to be. I don't know what to do and how to handle it all, I'm not meant to be a mum and it breaks my heart. I've ever thought that my child would be better off without me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2024): Hi
I think now that you have more understanding about your daughter possibly having Autism,motherhood might become more enjoyable. You may now get the support you need from friends and family and professional support.
Don't be so hard on yourself, it must have been very difficult and alienating for you not knowing and having your own difficulties.
You deserve support and respite and I do hope you get this support, If you don't then it is important that you ask for help so things do not deteriorate with burn out. Never feel bad for asking for help it is the right thing to do for you and for your child. Don't cope alone or feel alone.
No text book on been a mum and especially with a special needs child, but you are blessed and can bring so much love and Joy into your life and child's life.
Please don't despair and be kinder to yourself and recognise
the beauty you have within to give.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2024): Being a parent is about your child, not you. Best advice I can give is get off the emeds because if you've been on then for years and have no change you need something else- upper body workout, some cardio, a keto diet, meditation, church, SOMETHING will help you
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (5 January 2024):
 I don't want to deny your experience and belief that you may not be meant to be a mom, but it also sounds like you're being awfully hard on yourself. Going 2+ years with a partner that has denied not only what your observations were and your medical concerns were, leaving you to grapple with that yourself, in addition to your own medical/mental health, I'm sure has been incredibly isolating.
I think what could happen is joining some support groups, both for children with special needs and maybe you can even find one even more niche where both you and child have ASD. You're not alone, and it would be so much better if you were dialed into a community on this stuff.
I wonder how much may also be improved with communication with your partner. If you haven't quite yet said it in this way, State that you feel you are in this alone and let him know when you're starting to experience that overstimulation or distress over repetitive play. You know you need more pressure release valves than you're currently being offered, and he needs to know how to help if he hasn't realized already.
I also wonder if your medications are serving you or could be better. I recognize it's not fun to subject yourself to being a human guinea pig when it comes to finding the right meds, but if your life significantly improves from it, it would be worth it.
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