A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a general question. I am a gay female. I was in my last relationship for 3 years. We started off as really close friends that eventually developed into a relationship over the course of time. She is the one that broke it off with me and come to find out, it was because she had developed feelings for another person.I took a good bit of time to myself to get over it. It was probably the hardest breakup I've ever been through because we were such close friends. I began healing and eventually allowed myself to meet another girl and I am incredibly happy now. My ex and I finally started talking again a couple months ago and I was very happy we were back in contact. We didn't really discuss much about the person she left me because of, I suppose out of general respect for me. I have no idea if they are still seeing each other or if they ever really were. And I spoke minimally about my new girlfriend. We would mostly just text each other saying hi and ask how the other was doing. Just casual catching up. We would usually do this a few times a week. It was nice to be able to be civil and my current girlfriend was perfectly okay with it.Well I recently decided to make the huge decision to relocate to where my current girlfriend lives and I got a job there. When my ex and I were catching up a couple weeks ago, she asked how I was doing. I told her about the new job and relocating. She somewhat acted happy for me and then abruptly ended the conversation. I haven't heard from her since. I've tried to reach out a couple of times these last two weeks, but have heard absolutely nothing back. I sent her one last message yesterday and asked her if there was a reason why she cut contact with me all of a sudden. She ignored me completely. So I'm going to just leave it be. But it sucks. I was really hoping we could be friends. I don't really understand why she did what she did. Any ideas or suggestions? I know sometimes it's best to leave the past in the past, but she really was one of my best friends. Thanks.
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (29 August 2018):
 I generally disagree with aunt honesty, but seems clear here her motivations were some kind of rekindling move. OR it IS entirely possible she saw the move as you actually essentially earmarking boundaries, like she lost and new gf won and only out of respect of your moving on, she let you go. Let it happen. She might have done it thinking she did it for you, she might have done it for herself, but the important thing is, with her not being responsive, consider it a chapter closed.
I totally understand the abrupt re-appearance and just as sudden disappearance..but consider that for a moment! And why consider it bad at all?! You don't HAVE to, you know! You didn't question "why is she back?" (well maybe you did and it wasn't worth a posting, because it was overall a good thing, and why question the good things in life?) An optimist would say "just enjoy that moment you got of a brief re-appearance" ie., you were able to enjoy her company (platonically) for a little while longer. Not to get too philosophical or cheesy (too late I know), but no one can take love away. You can project meaning of her leaving your friendship as a loss, or you could just consider that you gained in the interim, and were given platonic love you didn't have a couple of months ago. Hope this helps!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2018):
 Exes can never be friends! I don't think it is healthy for you even to be in contact with her. She is an ex for a reason, and yes you may have been good friends but you also ended up in a relationship and once that ends you can never really get the friendship back again without digging up the past and developing feelings. Honestly the best thing you can do is concentrate on your relationship now and not worry about why your ex is not messaging you, it took you long enough to get over her.
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