A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Long read, please be patient.I am a working professional in my early 30’s and I've been living and working in Southeast Asia for the past 10 years. I live and work in a rather remote and industrial area and thus I've always found it difficult to find like-minded people, long story short, I’ve always felt very lonely; over the course of years I was randomly introduced to these "part time" escorts who offer so called "Girlfriend Experience" at very expensive rates. These girls are mostly in their 20’s who have regular jobs and do part time escort services on the side. I've had 3 bookings total in the last few years. And the experience was unlike any typical escort encounters one might expect. The first one I was not attracted to, but we did our session and ended up chatting and drinking well beyond the arranged 2-hour time, at the end of the night I even drove her back to her apartment afterwards (because she had to go home) where her sister and her friends were still partying and I had to pose as her shift manager for some night gig as her friends didn’t know she part-timed as an escort. The second time I was very attracted to the girl but we ended up just chatting for two hours and I offered half of the agreed donation and she left. The third one is the one I am now deeply troubled with. She's a 23 year old girl, finishing college soon. We had our two hour session, it wasn't as impressive as I expected it to be, but she had this cheerful, bubbly personality that I am attracted to, I gave my donations and asked her if she's willing to continue next time without her agent, to which she said yes. I gave her my number and she left to have dinner with her friends. Hours later, she messaged me back, and we met again in my room, this time we were just chit chatting about movies and music, as if we were just on a date; we eventually had sex, multiple times. And she did not charge me nor did I mention to pay. The next day, we checked out of the hotel and we had lunch. She mentioned that she didn't want to go home yet due to a temporary roommate whom she disliked; so I ended up accompanying her the entire day before driving her back to her apartment; it was as if she was an ONS partner that I develop feelings to.At this point I began to feel that maybe I am no longer a client to her, but I wasn't sure what her angle was. At the end of the day we parted ways, and she was all over in my mind for days to come. I refrained from texting her as I did not want to blur the line between a business transaction to actual feelings; two days after we met, she texted me how she's going to a wedding dinner alone, to which I quickly offered my companionship, and she agreed. I was shocked that she was willing to have me as her +1.My doubt for her true motivation was still there, is she wooing me into more money? but before the actual date of wedding dinner, she asked me out for a drink. So we went out and had a proper drink-chat session. And later that weekend, we went to her cousin’s wedding dinner as a couple. When the wedding dinner finished, she even suggested that we go somewhere else, we ended up in a café playing some cards before me sending her home because it was getting late (and I was exhausted). We continued to text each other throughout the week, mostly about fitness, sharing random photos and occasional flirtation as if we were dating. I couldn’t help but asked her out again yesterday. We went out for drinks and played cards. She doesn’t drink alcohol much as she’s watching her weight (I do all the drinking), as the night progressed we became more and more intimate. Before you know it we were semi-making out at the bar. At the end of the night I sent her home, we were kissing passionately, she did not invite me upstairs but I did tell her that I had to work very early the next morning. I couldn’t help but asked her if she was willing to spend the night with me if I booked a hotel for the weekend, she quickly accepted. Now the hotel is booked, and my insecurities and doubts have kicked in again; I feel like I am in love with her, but I guess what I don’t know is, whether she sincerely likes me, or that I’m just a sucker for love? I think she does like me enough to want to come out and do dinner dates. I do not mind her part timing as an escort as I know it’s just strictly business (for now, at least). I am not sure if she’s done this with other clients and I don’t dare to ask (she probably wouldn’t tell the truth anyway), deep inside of my heart I am well convinced that she does want to date me, but a fragment of doubt is still there in my heart. I am 100% confident that had I met her and courted her in any other setting (Tinder etc), our interaction would have meant that she is probably “the one” because of how happy I am with her, it’s been a very long time since I’ve had a girl completely occupying my mind at all times. But I am so bothered by my own insecurity now I don’t know what I should do to clear up my head. Lastly, not that it is very important, but we are both Asian and bilingual. We live about 1 hr away from each other.Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
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cousin, escort, fell in love, flirt, kissing, money, roommate, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 May 2017):
 You need to be realistic if she is a good escort then she knows rightly how to hook men and make them fall for her so she gets more money. Now nobody on here can say for sure that this is what she is doing, but you do need to be careful. There is probably a reason she doesn't drink that much, its more than likely she does not want to let her guard down around you as a client. Also you may not have paid but you did book a lovely hotel and this is how escorts get their claws in to clients. The only way you can be sure that she is legit is to talk to her and ask her what she wants. But to me it sounds like you are playing clean in to her hands. You sound lonely and want a girlfriend just make sure she doesn't suck you in.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (28 May 2017):
You know you are coming into this lonely and vulnerable. So you are right to be cautious. The first line of defense is to wear condoms! If she doesn't require condoms for all her men, get rid of her. Go to the next paragraph only if she does use protection.
I don't see a happy relationship as being impossible. You seem to mesh well, she is about to finish college, and it appears that she certainly likes sex.
As noted in previous responses, ask yourself whether you can deal with her past if this relationship progresses. You say she's nearly finished with college...is she planning on leaving the profession at that point?
It is time to start important communications!!! You may soon come off as a wuss to her if you don't start opening up. Tell her that you are growing fond of her and would like to spend more time together. If this develops into a relationship, you may require that she be monogamous. How does she feel about this?
She probably knows a hundred wealthy guys (some of them being much more wealthy than you), so I don't think the attention she's been giving to you is necessarily just about getting into your pockets. Hey, she asked you to accompany her to her cousin's wedding...that is a pretty good sign that she likes you beyond just a pure business relationship.
Real love most often starts with infatuations like this. And it doesn't strike every day, week or even year! I would go for it. Just because she's putting herself thru school by escorting doesn't mean she is a bad person...to assume so is a throwback to the Dark Ages. You'll be kicking yourself in your rear for a long time if you don't give this a chance. It may blow up, but most relationships do.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (27 May 2017):
 A friend of mine used to date an exotic dancer / prostitute. They went everywhere together, spent nights together. She made him feel like he was the only man in her life. He was not. He was a client. She had other clients whom she treated the same way too. He did not pay her for their time together, but he took care of her in other ways. This is how an excellent prostitute makes money...They charm their clients into falling in love with them.
From what you've written, I get the sense that you would really like to have a girlfriend. You should put a serious effort into dating (online, etc). Don't just limit yourself to escorts.
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (26 May 2017):
Hello Brother,I'll be forever grateful for your country's "satay". Thank you S.E. Asia :)Rather than looking at what has happened so far and trying to guess what is truly on her heart and mind, let's focus on making you 'future-proof'.When you embark on any endeavour, you ought to prepare yourself like so: Let's suppose that you've got things completely wrong, but it takes years of apparent 'bliss' for the truth to catch up with your perception of 'reality'... which is when, cruelly, from one moment to the next, totally out of blue, everything falls apart and you start to see her as a totally different person she's always been...How would you feel, and in how dignified a fashion are you prepared, or preparing, to handle it?Maybe this is what you could also do: right now, your mind is locked in a bubble. As a thought-experiment, force that bubble to burst, train yourself to picture possible successful, happy futures for you *without* this woman.Then, let that future "you" come back and analyze your present situation. What do "you" see? Since you 'are' *without* her, when, and how did she leave?
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A
male
reader, rasblak +, writes (26 May 2017):
Rather than looking at what has happened so far and trying to guess what is truly on her heart and mind, let's focus on making you 'future-proof'.When you embark on any endeavour, you ought to prepare yourself like so: Let's suppose that you've got things completely wrong, but it takes years of apparent 'bliss' for the truth to catch up with your perception of 'reality'... which is when, cruelly, from one moment to the next, totally out of blue, everything falls apart and you start to see her as a totally different person she's always been...How would you feel, and in how dignified a fashion are you prepared, or preparing, to handle it?Maybe this is what you could also do: right now, your mind is locked in a bubble. As a thought-experiment, force that bubble to burst, train yourself to picture possible successful, happy futures for you *without* this woman.Then, let that future "you" come back and analyze your present situation. What do "you" see? Since you 'are' *without* her, when, and how did she leave?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 May 2017):
 Be very careful. You shouldn't become vulnerable just because you're lonely. You are very eager to find someone for yourself and hence are falling in love very easily. Not saying that an escort isn't a human being capable of being loved? but keep in mind that anything that you rush into will probably end badly.
Forget this woman, you shouldn't fall for anyone this fast without thinking of the repercussions. As regards this one, can you handle her past? Once the initial euphoria settles down, can you see yourself living with her for the rest for your life, having kids with her?
Pretty Woman was a great movie but fantasies doesn't always translate into reality and work in real life. Just saying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2017): Considering the circumstances that you met; there should remain some question about her motives. First consider how she decided to earn an income; and carefully evaluate if you are comfortable with knowing others have come before you.
You get more bees with honey than vinegar; and to make the experience much more like "the girlfriend experience;" it would follow that she perform her art convincingly.
I can't judge the young woman or be certain of her true motives. I can say, that she has the upper-hand; because you're now in-love with her, and that places you in the more vulnerable position.
You are lonely and you have paid for her services. You earn a good enough living; that means you potentially offer her security. That better than having to submit to a disgusting and much less desirable client. You are the perfect victim for a potential scam.
Just keep in-mind, she has been exploited by men of your status and some of even better means. You offer her something different. She enjoys your company and can easily take advantage of your infatuation. She doesn't have to necessarily care for you. She is used to pretending. You can almost compare her to that of the Geisha. They were educated, beautiful, and well-trained in the art of entertaining men of power, wealth, and authority.
She is the 21st-century version of an old art-form. They call them escorts. She's neither innocent, nor a foolish child. She knows how to manipulate men according to their desires.
Even Geisha had favorite clients who eventually become their benefactors and lovers.
If she isn't exploiting you for the money, she may like you and your generous nature. I would not be so naive. She hasn't done anything to indicate she is plotting or setting-up a comfortable situation for herself; but I think it would be wise for you to see things clearly. She is used to pleasing men; and using their attraction to her to her own advantage. You comply willingly, and so far things are okay.
Men smitten like you often divulge a lot of information about your job, personal-life, intricate details of your finances, and spill your hidden secrets. Many have been brought to shame and misfortune for this. I only suggest you be careful. She has learned much about men like you and her job is to please them and make them like her. Your loneliness should not lead to foolishness. Taking advantage of or exploiting females for sex; sometimes returns in the form of bad karma. You purchased her body and affection. You didn't meet under the more natural and traditionally romantic conditions.
Enjoy the companionship she offers and treat her with kindness. Do not offer too much access to information about your life that can be used in criminal ways. Do not let on how deeply fond of her you are, be somewhat reserved.
I don't recommend that you should buy affection from women. You never know under what circumstances they are forced to earn their money; or how they may be treated when they freelance with clients. Stay level-headed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2017): Ask her to marry you!You are both as good as each other so dont let the past divide you.Marry her quickly so that you can support her and start a family.Get ring and tell her that you want no more escort service from other girls and no more escorting from her to anyone else.You will be the fairytale if you treat each other well.If you stay in work and keep a ring on her finger and have a garden and junior and juniorette.If you both want the traditional.Dont go for ambiguous or quirky!Laugh at the past!Do you think you are the correct person for this determined college girl who is a part time escort and wedding goer?Surely she must be wondering about your faults.If you are unkind or mean or a bully when angry.After the first flush of success when you stop counting up money owed and money exchanged and money not charged and money not given but forgiven, then how will you evaluate your self worth?Love takes time but passion and fun are short term joys.Are you sure that she doesnt have a college boyfriend ?It sounds like a no strings attached fling on both your sides something like a summer romance because you are uncertain about your role in her life!But there is no reason you cant stretch this elastic romance as far as you feel it can go.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 May 2017):
 Only way you can find out is by asking her.
As denizen said, are you sure you can deal with her past first?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2017):
 No other solution than to ask her. Be brave!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 May 2017):
 There is a cultural element to this which I think you might understand better than many of us. 'Escort' has such broad definitions. They range between prostitute and companion.
If you think you might like to date this woman exclusively would she be willing? Could you cope with the fact she may have slept with other men, and possibly many other men?
I think you need to have a conversation. Find out what her expectations are and perhaps explain your confusion.
You may seem like a good catch and a way out of her escorting life. But that is no reason why it couldn't work if you are both honest.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 May 2017):
 I think you need to find someone who isn't an escort. You have a crush, not love. It will fade, *if* you stop encouraging it.
Either ask her out properly or move on and cut contact with her.
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