A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts, I met a wonderful man through work and the chemistry between us was unbelievable. We had few business meetings with other people and he finally told me that he's very much attracted to me but never contacted me. I found out he was married and chalked it off immediately. A month went by and we met again, I was at my lowest phase, going through very tough circumstances and feeling so unloved and insecure so I fell for his charm and we started texting non stop because I was out of town. At some point he said let's not meet before 6 months because I never cheated on my wife before and I believe him cause I asked a common friend and she assertively said that he's a faithful wonderful man. Long story short I got back to town and we met, we just kissed and I resisted anything more. He was texting me daily then we met a 2nd time and a 3rd time within a week and slept together. We had dinner after that and he told me he never cheated on his wife before and he's married since 5 years with 2 Kids. He admit to being a flirt but only talk and that he never bonded mentally with anyone before. He had a major surgery last year as well. Long story short, he traveled on a short business trip and texted me the day he got back inviting me to a work conference. But I can tell something has changed. Please aunts do not judge me, I know it's wrong falling for a married man, I never did it before and will never do it again. I simply need to know why the sudden change and drop in texting. The guy was losing his mind and crazy about me.. I feel something changed. Your opinions dear aunts. Miserably yours, T.
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cheated on my wife, flirt, insecure, married man, text, unloved Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2017): Yes, these types of married men are scums. They go on the hunt and chase their female work colleagues down till you have to wonder if you were the only woman out there that they've ever known. Yes, he broke his way through to you because he knew you were into him. If only you had someone close around at the time to talk through things with to help you to not give in to him. I knew someone who was in your situation once. She was heading for the same fate as you with this married man that chased after her for years. What she did to get him out of her system was she became very clingy and he ran. He fell out of his urges and needs to be with her and to use her. That was the end of his so called dying love and yearn. Too bad that you had to learn the hard way. These men will never change. They prey on the weaknesses of single women till they get what they want and them they are done with them. You are probably a beautiful woman, so get out there and keep your eyes open for single men. Your luck will change someday and you will find someone who will want you for you. Take care now and hope all goes well!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much. Your advices are very helpful and spot on.
He did call me yesterday after 3 days of no contact, I was with a friend and didn't answer and by the time I finished it was too late to return his call. I agree with you all, It was a mistake and I feel horrible. I'm glad that he and I didn't communicate a lot on the week post sex. It gave me room to reevaluate my actions. I'm not a mistress material and no matter how bumpy the phase I'm going through, that should not be an excuse to drop my values.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (25 May 2017):
You got played by a playa. He got what he wanted now he's gone back to his wife. He was crazy about getting into your pants which he did. Now he's moving on. Think of it as a learning experience for you.
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (25 May 2017):
"At some point he said let's not meet before 6 months because I never cheated on my wife"ohhh... OP... have you ever come across the term 'Reverse Psychology' ? because..."Long story short I got back to town and we met"oh, really? what happened to "6 months" suddenly, see? he used '6 months' to break down your walls."before and I believe him cause I asked a common friend and she assertively said that he's a faithful wonderful man."My current state of mind yields the following:He's done this before. You want to feel special, just like everyone else; but he's done this before.In Business School we learn that we live in a VUCA world, Volatile, Complex, Uncertain, Ambiguous.Meaning, there needs not even be a reason why something that's one way one moment does a full 180 degrees the next.Or, you could even consider that he planned things that way all along, like he's possibly done before, you just did not see it coming.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2017): As you know, it's becoming more common for girlfriends and wives (include gay-men and lesbians as well) to check their husband's, girlfriend's, and boyfriend's phones and devices.
Searching for improprieties, evidence of cheating, and porn. You being a woman; also have a natural-intuition and can tell when something is wrong about your mate. Just as you're sensing about him right-now.
His wife has probably noticed his texting, or has caught him. He also has a conscience. He may have reconsidered his behavior and realized he loves his family and his job; and would prefer not to lose them. Has that occurred to you? Or do you ascribe to the popular notion that all men cheat and can't control what we do with our penises?
Don't kids, wives, and girlfriends matter anymore? Is there no respect for boundaries; or any consideration how families can be destroyed in the process?
Like promises; stereotypes are meant to be broken. Maybe he's still one of the good-guys!
You have been told by another colleague he has the reputation of a good family-man. He has told you he has never cheated on his wife before. If he is a man of integrity; he has probably come clean to his wife and decided to put an end to it. He has everything to lose!
You asked not to be judged? Really?!! If you shouldn't be judged; then it follows that his wife, family, and marriage shouldn't be disrespected and ignored. They had him first; and they all need him. He's just a fling to you.
How about leaving him alone and behaving yourself? Honor the boundaries of marriage; as you would want for your own someday.
There are plenty of single and eligible-men with the same qualities. They are best found away from your place of employment. A crazy-jealous wife can do some serious damage to both the cheating-husband and his side-chick. Some scorned-women you just don't mess with! You're playing far too close to home here. She might find-out who you are and where you work!
You deserve better than colluding or conspiring with men who cheat on their wives. It's beneath your dignity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2017): Hmmm. For him to do this SO SOON, it obviously means he only saw you as a sexual conquest.He got what he came for and then went back to his wife and home life.Is this not obvious to you?His drop in contact means he is telling you in not so many words that the fling is over. Likely he just wanted some sexual release with a strange woman and likely he decided it wasn't worth continuing. Either because he loves his wife and kids and does not want to lose them or he did not connect with you as much as he said he did.Sex is one thing. A connection is something different.Some guys are all about the chase. Once the excitement of the chase is over and they land the woman, there is no more excitement for them. He won.Me and my married BF have been together for 4 years. That is because there is a connection. It is not just sex.This guy said what he needed to say to win you over. He knew you were vulnerable and chose to work on you because he knew in time you would cave in. He was right. He is a predator. A player. A liar. A cheater. Anything BUT a faithful and wonderful man. He got what he wanted and that was the end of it.He never once cared about hurting you. Or hurting his wife and kids by his despicable actions. He was only thinking about himself. He is a horrible person.As for the "I never cheated on my wife before" line, that is total bull shit. They all say that. Just like they say that she never has sex with him anymore or they live together like brother and sister. The excuses are endless.This man did it to you. And he will do it again.It is best you move on.He already has.Trust me, it is better this way. It is no picnic being with a married man. Especially after you fall in love with him and realize you will never mean anything to him and you will never become his wife. He already has one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2017): Hello T this guy has created himself into something he cant live up to and he never intended to.As far as he's concerned the means justifies the end!In other words he wanted to try sex with you.So he said what was necessary and did what was necessary to get the experience and now that he has he doesnt have much left to offer.I would say that he enjoys the power of dropping you off!Seeing how long it takes for you to get the message for example.Next time check your gullibility meter and if it reads high or on the red then switch off all known romantic intentions and heart flutterings.When you do that you are then on the same cold and calculating page as he is.Avoid this guy as if he has given you syphillis and gonorrea combined because he only intends to toy with your emotions.Skip the work meeting if you can because he will try to guage your reaction and it is part of the game to publicly turn your excitement down!Or go to it and completely cold shoulder him before he snubs you publicly.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 May 2017):
 The most likely thing to have Happened is him getting caught. I mean 3 meetings in a week, how did he think he would get away with that?
There is another better possibility. it could be that he really is a good Faithful guy and he came out of the affair Fog, came to his senses, confessed to his wife and cast you aside.
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