A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey there everyone! Hope you all are well! I'd like some advice of you could. So I'm a 30/male this girl I need advice about is 25 I believe. She moved in to the apartment next door to me about 6 months ago. I instantly thought she was one of the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Found out she had a boyfriend though. We would text back and forth sometimes and just chat. Sometimes it would be to complain about boyfriend. The last few months we kinda started texting each other less. We'd say a few words when we'd pass buy each other here and there. Sometimes she'd say things like can ppl see through our 3rd story apartment cause I'm totally not wearing pants and stuff like that. The other day she she lifted up her shirt and showed me how she put a caribeaner where her button broke. Well anyways she seems cool and I'm defiantly physically attracted to her but she just told me today that she kicked her boyfriend out finally. Should I try to flirt with her at all or what? Like I don't want to be that guy that just asks a girl out after a breakup but I don't want to be the guy that misses his chance either. I do have depression and I'm seeing a counselor for about a month now so not sure I should persue cause of that either. Sorry for the long paragraph I wrote this fast. I appreciate any advice given thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 May 2017):
 IF you want t obe more than a rebound, I'd say wait. Talk to her, keep yourself "fresh" in her mind but don't pursue her just yet.
SHE just broke up. While SHE was the one to break up and kick him out (which possibly means she has wanted to end it for a while and has been OVER him for a while - she still needs to take some time to "digest" what happened and what she really wants.)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies everyone! I do appreciate it. So last night we texted after I asked for advice on here. She ended up telling me that I'm amazing and that she's glad I live next door and that we should sit on the patio and have some drinks that she well deserves. I just think she is very beautiful and want to handle it right.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 May 2017):
 Be there for her, and sure you can flirt and be friendly. But don't come on to strong. She is only just single so she probably needs some time to adjust.
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (23 May 2017):
You've already put that woman on a pedestal. Has she given you anything to warrant your considering that the sun shines out of her... you know what?
Have you already conditioned yourself to think that if
i) you ask her too soon, or,
ii) you ask her too late, or,
iii) you never ask her, or,
iv) she accepts, but later ends it,
you're supposed to feel horrible about it, and mope about, and be depressed?
"I do have depression and I'm seeing a counselor for about a month now so not sure I should [pursue] cause of that either"
What does 'I do have depression' mean?
I thought people felt depressed about some things that have happened in their lives; not that 'depression' is a kind of catch-all allergy.
What is your concern about your 'depression'?
That it might cause you to be a sub-par boyfriend and she ends things? or,
That if she turns you down when you ask her out, that'll somehow be enough to leave you crushed?
I think you're taking this too seriously, too soon---pedestal notwithstanding---instead of banging your head against the wall: What should *I* do? What should *I* do?... try to make it about 'What would *she* like me to do?'
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (23 May 2017):
 I'd give it some time. She will still have some kind of feeling for her ex that she needs to deal with so having another guy come straight into the mix wouldn't help with that and would probably put you as a rebound.
Give it a month or two then ask her out. If she declines, she probably wasn't interested anyways and maybe you read a little too much into things but at least you will have your answer either way.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, frogs84 +, writes (23 May 2017):
 Hi there. Well I think for the moment you need to give her a bit of time to accept the break up three weeks minimum if it wasn't serious and longer if it was. I wouldn't dive in and be her shoulder to cry on so to speak as you'll either get friend zoned or it could completely back fire if you make a move after she's poured her heart out to you. Also she might even take him back in the meantime so I think your better off to play it cool for now. Talk to her as you have always done and keep your relationship friendly, but not flirty just yet. If after a month there seems like no intention of getting back with the ex then casually ask her out and take it from there. Watch her body language with you and if she keeps talking about her ex then she's not over him. And if she flirts back and keeps talking about him then you're just gonna be a rebound bang or replacement and you don't want that. So tread carefully. Hopefully she will be over him and the two of you will hit it off. Just take your time. Good luck:)
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