A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I stop thinking about my coworker? I have developed a crush on a new coworker in my new job - he is quite handsome but married. He is friendly but we have never been innapropriate - we on chat about silly things and we added each other on social media- although I find him quite handsome( I have been single for two years now) I would never cross the line- but I do find myself getting excited to talk to him- I don't want to feel this way because it's wrong! How can i stop thinking this way!? Is it because I'm lonely and I guess he is thenonly eye candy? I know obviously he may or may not find me attractive but it doesn't matter there matter he is married- but why do I fantasize about him- does anyone else do this ? He'll say good morning and good night every day at work and that gets me giddy- I'm not sure If there is an attraction between us but how can I stop thinking about him? It doesn't really help me concentrate and work and I don't want it shown in my face that I like him
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male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (11 July 2017):
If "Don't act on it" does not quite work for you, then try "Don't fight it".
Convincing yourself that it's something that can very well be there, without your having to feel like you're letting anything pass you by, while you continue to operate as your usual self in every way, that's just the next level of maturity that Life is urging you and challenging you to reach.
"Don't fight it; Embrace it. Don't ignore it; Outgrow it."
It takes all states of feelings to give meaning to being alive.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): From what you describe he is simply being friendly and treating you like he would treat every other coworker. If you have a crush then you just have to keep it to yourself and not let yourself get carried away such as imagining life with him, because he's married and is probably happy with his life and is just a friendly guy. Try and do things outside of work with different groups of people, be brave and start a new hobby, could be anything like a dance or exercise class, running club or other hobbies that encourage meeting people as you'll then have more chance of meeting someone who you can have an opportunity to date.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 Nothing wrong with having a crush as long as you don't act on it or expect anything to happen. It's not a crime to appreciate beauty and to find someone handsome but you should know that he's off limits and expect nothing from him.
Don't ever allow yourself to think that there's an attraction or that something might happen because then that becomes murky and it's just not acceptable to make a pass on a married man. *You* should know your limits. *You* should know when to back off. *You* should know how to conduct yourself and your life with dignity. Even if the other person is looking to do something wrong, you should know when and how to back away. That is where your morals and your inner strength and goodness shines.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 It.s terrible when you have the hots for someone who is out of reach. It sounds as if you have it bad. When you attend to your loneliness by joining some activities outside work then your crush will fade and you might even find someone who can love you back.
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