A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Online dating. I've had both good and bad experiences doing this . I've been chatting with a guy for a couple of week and we are meeting in a few days for our first date . He's told me the lines how he's hoping i'm the one and what he hopes will happen with us . I was only talking with him as i find it much easier to just talk to one person at a time. I'm not gullible but you would think the person saying this wouldnt bother spending as much time on the dating site as he does . I've only been on once since we have arranged our date and we text any other time . My friend is on there and has told me to be careful which i always am and i dont just pin everything on him which i'm not ( she told me he's always online) . I know he's still single and can chat to whoever he likes but i would have thought if someone really wants to make the effort and take a chance with someone they wouldnt bother being online so much. Maybe i should start chatting to others ?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 July 2017):
 I think you should start chatting to others, this guy has not even met you yet so surely you don't except him not to keep his options open. Even if he is wanting to find someone special it doesn't mean that it will work between you both. Don't jump the gun to quickly, anyone can say anything over a computer screen you need to keep your options open and don't judge him for chatting to others. Also don't take it personally he hasn't even met you yet!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2017): Men and women handle dating and relationships in different ways. A guy may seek multiple connections; while a lady might be happy to check-out one guy at a time. Many guys online are seeking only short-term connections just for fun or sex. The female-approach is to actually get to know someone and possibly see where things will go.
Guys looking for true-love are sincere. They are usually honest about their intentions.
For the ladies, of course there are always exceptions! Some ladies just don't like lonely or quiet weekends; or hanging-out with other females. They like having a group of guy-friends/admirers at their beck and call. They may keep a stable of studs on call! They replace the tools frequently. Thus they have to be online a lot too.
I think the guy you've met is telling you what you want to hear. He wants to give the impression he's looking for someone special; but he's not being totally honest. He wants to have a large selection of ladies(or a harem) at once; then narrow them down by process of elimination. That's a player's tactic. He also talks a good game; but guys like that are usually full of bullsh*t, and prone to cheating.
Your options are open and it's up to you whether you'd like to see others. You have no obligation to him one way or another. He's just a potential date; but you already know he keeps his account active.
BTW, stop injecting your friends into your love-life. That's YOUR business! You don't need spies or tattle-tails! They are not always looking-out for your best interest. They sometimes get jealous, or just plain nosy. They also report what they see and hear to others. Use your own judgment. You're all grown-up now. Use your own discernment.
Keep an open-mind. I wouldn't take him seriously, but he still might be a fun date. Knowing he keeps his account active should keep you skeptical about his real intentions.
Play from a safe-distance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2017): Be careful of online dating.
Many men use it as easy pickings for sex.
There are a lot of scumbags on these sites preying on women. Some may even be married or attached. So, beware of everyone.
It is easy to get your hopes up when smooth talkers like this are dropping you all the bullshit lines. But I would be skeptical.
In fact, I would hate to be online dating in the first place. There are so many broken hearted and disappointed women who have stories to tell of their experiences on these forums.
Thankfully, I am not one of them.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 July 2017):
 He is a free agent. You have not even met yet. There is no saying you will even like the sight of each other. Why should he not be chatting to lots of females? There is no reason for him to put all his eggs in one basket, i.e. YOURS. And why should he not be saying to all of them that he hopes they will be "the one"? You have no proof of this; you are assuming that is what he is doing but, in fairness, he probably is. Hopefully, when he finds "the one", he will come off the site and settle down. Until then he is searching and giving himself the best chance of finding someone he wants to be with.
There is nothing to stop you chatting to other males as well, IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT. You admit you "find it much easier" to talk to one guy at a time. Chatting to other guys as a "tit for tat" is just childish and not fair on the men you will be chatting to as you are just using them to get back at this guy, not because you are genuinely interested in meeting them.
If you go out on a few dates and start to form a real relationship, then I would expect him to come off the site and to put his energies into the relationship. However, until such time, why should he not play the field and chat to others?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 July 2017):
 I agree with Janniepeg.
If you FEEL more comfortable talking to one guy at a time, then do that. What he does or doesn't do, at this time, is irrelevant. However, it might also serve as a caution to take things VERY slow and if things progress AFTER that first date to NOT jump into bed unless you are exclusive, so basically TAKE it slow.
Some one who has a lot of irons in the fire might NOT be right for you (or anyone) because they are constantly looking for "what-else" is out there and that may not stop when they enter a relationship.
If you have an unlimited box of chocolates you might want to try quite a few to figure out which you like best, right? some people (men AND women) treat online dating the same way.
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (6 July 2017):
Your approach is one way of going about this online dating thing; I doubt it's efficient, let alone effective, though.
You sound like a very traditional romantic. I often find that I have yet to shed nearly as much of that skin myself.
How come you are on here before you've even met the guy?
You definitely should be chatting to others, in my book.
I mean, this very next second, it could all just be 'gone', like these couple of weeks were nothing.
Up to now, it's only been words. Once you've met up, in the context of a relationship, if any, ok, those 'words' might take on meaning, worth, and value. But until then, take heart in that there's surely people with much bigger 'problems' to worry about than you have here.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (6 July 2017):
 I have never been on an online dating site, but the way I look on it is your not dating yet so it is free ground, till you become an item then sniffing around on the net is out as flirting with others is out in everyday life so as of today he is free to chat to anyone he wants and can you .
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 July 2017):
 Whether you want to chat with others it's up to you. After one date you shouldn't know if he's the one. He could also be saying this line to other women. I had done online dating before and I was like a ninja as I don't want to be seen there. I go there just to make contact then I hide my profile. I pick the person and if the replies are good then I suggest meeting. If the meeting doesn't go well then I start looking again. I would rather not know what the other person is doing online. A person who is always online, for years for some, means that he has more pleasure just talking until he can bed someone more than he actually wants a relationship.
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