A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a sort of silly worry to ask advice about. One of my good friends recently got broken up with. She met her BF in July and everything seemed to be going pretty well for them. I didn't think he was super considerate of her and she went out of her way to be a great GF to him. He complained that she was too stressed with work after she switched to a new job. He always have these little complaints about her that she was working on. But she seemed happy so I just kept my opinion to myself. My friend was completely blind sided because he broke up with her out of the blue and said the spark was gone. Until the minute he broke up with her, he was talking normally with her and they were making weekend plans. Here's the weird part: I am dating someone too. She and I didn't compare boyfriends, but we would share stories and I noticed that my bf was much more considerate and really spoils me. I try to do the same for him. The difference in our relationships was that stress and tough times have brought me closer to my boyfriend whereas it annoyed her boyfriend. However, I'm now worried that my bf will randomly break up with me because I saw it happen to her. None of us were expecting it and it's going so well with mine that it makes me extra scared. My bf is also starting a new job at a bigger company, so I'm afraid the stress of that and extra hours and harder work will drive us apart. I'm worried he'll get so wrapped up in the new job and not have time for me or our spark will fizzle. I know this may be irrational, but I have some worst case scanarios running through my head.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (26 February 2017):
Relationships work, or they fail!
Nothing lasts forever.
All you can do is your best. If he breaks up with you, so be it.
But nothing is less attractive than being desperate, oe terrified they will leave you!
It's a delicate balance of needing them just enough, but showing you'd be fine without them!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 February 2017):
 Honestly you can spend your life worrying or you can make the most off it. It is unfortunate what happened with your friend and am sure she is very upset, but your friends boyfriend and your boyfriend are not the same and neither is your relationship. You need to have more faith in your boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (23 February 2017):
Very well... let's try that again (without the part where I "think" out loud some stuff that only makes sense to me)"I'm worried that my bf will *randomly* break up with me."How about this... try to picture, what would a *non-random* break up be like, one that would work for you, and have you easily be like,"ok. we've given it a shot, it didn't work out. I'll carry on with my life." ?Now, tell us... in those *non-random* scenarios you saw... who initiates the breaking up?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRasblak I'm not sure why you are laughing. If this man breaks up with me, I won't just be able to laugh it off and compare it to the Matrix- whatever that means. I care deeply about him.
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A
male
reader, rasblak +, writes (19 February 2017):
"I'm worried that my bf will *randomly* break up with me."
How about this... try to picture, what would a *non-random* break up be like, one that would work for you, and have you easily be like,
"ok. we've given it a shot, it didn't work out. I'll carry on with my life." ?
.
.
.
.
.
Now, tell us... in those *non-random* scenarios you saw... who did the breaking up... he... or you?
Funny thing is, if you already know that random break ups exist and can happen to anyone, shouldn't you be all set to just laugh it off if it were to happen to you?
Something like, "Hahaha... a deja-vu is that known glitch in The Matrix... and, it's bitten me now."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2017): Well, I think you can both see the signals. He was consistently not caring, and could get annoyed easily. That doesn't sound like someone who is truly in love. Yet, your boyfriend shows the opposite. As you say, tough times have brought you closer. I don't think his character will suddenly change. I don't think you will be blind-sided like your friend. It seems like there were actually many signals that you even picked up on but she missed. And I'm sure there were even more in the relationship between the two of them that you couldn't even see. Trust your instincts.
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