A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am married to a wonderful man, and have two teenage children. But I was never in love with my husband.About 10 years ago I became very close to my doctor,he was unmarried, we never told each other how we felt but I know we both knew. I feel in love with him and nearly left my husband, In the end I decided to stop going to see him,and stayed with my lovely husband which I still don't love even though he treats me well and is a great father. From time to time I see this doctor and our eyes still meet and all those unspoken words are still there,and I find I cannot forget him for days after I see him, I feel he was the one for me I just didn't wait for him. Now that i am getting older late 40s and he is in his 50s for once in my life I want to tell him how I feel in love with him and never stopped loving him, not to have an affair just to get it off my chest, I don't what to go through the rest of my life, with a regret that I can do something about you only have one life. should i go see him and tell him how I feel in love with him and never stopped?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2017): Ahh there are several factors going on here...
1) You're not feeling the love for your husband ..
I have felt this way... my feelings fluctuate
2) physicians and other authoritative figures some
Times get more attention than others.. after all during the
Exam or office visit he is giving you undivided attention.
3) you say your husband is a good man... score!
if you're not attracted to him ..could it be hormonal?
If so might consider hormone therapy?
4) you are assuming the Dr. feels the same way? He may not
He's single and if you approach him he may be so flattered
He'll act on how good it makes him feel instead of you...
5) Think..what you are considering ..Been there done that...
It makes life a lie, confusing , complicated and a mess!
Except my husband is the physician that is a good man
And I am so fortunate to have him.
If you open the dialogue between you and this man
You will likely regret it as it will
Most likely lead to an affair ...
think twice and make your relationship with your husband
Better... I know it's not easy and I feel for you..
but I also know what it's like to cross over and act on your feelings
It's too late for me to undo my actions ... but not you.
Please consider the advice of the others.
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (6 June 2017):
 I take it that you have not had an affair with your DR? So you don't know realy if things would be good with him or not. However you are living with a man you don't fully love. Firstly I would think you to be fair to your husband need to get things straight in your head. I can't say to break up with him as i don't know what your life together is like. If the sex good do you realy talk and know each other? You should be asking if you need to just get it off your chest to speak to your husband first , as you should not be playing safe keeping your husband as a safe bet, while you try to better your hand.If the dr is up for something are you going to start by having an affair? If all goes well with the DR then do you dump the husband? Do you want your cake and eat it too?First get things right with your husband before you start thinking about others , it is not fair to him if your mind is with another. You're not even being fair to yourself if you are not getting the most out of your life. You need to talk to hubby and maybe even go and get help together
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2017): Hi. I've been there and done that. I was with my child's father for approx 6 years and I fell out of love with him and actually don't think I did love him from the off, he was a mean person to me and I started resenting him a lot and couldn't bear him touching me and started falling for his brother who was kinder and I knew in my heart was caring. It was lust as well. I was always honest to my child's dad, I wasn't married to him, but from an early age I decided to be honest, even if it hurt the other person. You're "wonderful" husband should be told that he isn't loved. It might hurt him, but it is your truth, but don't forget that you said that he's "wonderful" and "lovely" husband, can you not work with that. I didn't have the luck of the man I was honest to, he wasn't wonderful or lovely and caused unspeakable damage because of his lies and mental cruelty. There may have been a spark and your fantasies may have run amok, but you are a married woman and you chose your husband to live and to cherish and you do kind of. You see the good man in him, if he were a bad Mann then you have every right to leave him but you've been bad to him by not being honest to him or yourself. Do the right thing and sit down and talk to your man, if he is as wonderful and lovely as you say he is, then he shall be understanding and will want do do what's right for you both. Who knows what will happen, but it's the truth and where you can redeem yourself by for once really loving your husband. Or let the wonderful and lovely man find someone who is wonderful and lovely to. They are a rarity in this world and I'm a little bit jealous of you...Good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (29 May 2017):
 You have put this doctor up on a pedastal. Honestly do you even know this man from outside off being your doctor? Do you know him well enough to claim that you love him? It sounds to me like you have built him up to be this dream man and you are living in a fantasy. Remember the grass may appear greener, but if you tell him and break up your family you might want to make sure it will be worth it.
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A
male
reader, Phil Collins  +, writes (27 May 2017):
The grass always looks greener on the other side but that because you have not had to mow it yet.
You have watched too many Hollywood movies.
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (26 May 2017):
Love is a feeling, yes. One brought about by a *conscious* action... which is, making the _choice_ *to* love someone."In the end I decided to stop going to see him,and stayed with my lovely husband which I still don't love even though he treats me well and is a great father."Do you happen to be Gemini? :D Only Gemini would talk, in the same sentence, of having chosen to love someone, and still not loving that someone.[The mods are highly likely to nuke me for this... but lady, your heart needs maximum voltage... ]Have you tried talking dirty to your husband?A text while he's at work: 'you know, most women have never used a mirror to see what their 'mouse' looks like. Would you be a darling and reassure me that your brain has got a picture of mine from that first time you clicked it saved on your solid-state *hard* disk somewhere?!'
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2017): No you do not tell him this.You have created a fantasy in your head and built it up with your mind into a useless infatuation.You hardly know this man and you have never spent personal time with him!It wont even be flattering for him because he will take it to mean that he wasnt professional enough.If anyone overhears this he will be in trouble especially as you are a married woman.He might refer you to psychiatric care as you will become the married woman who is trying to escape her daily life by falling for her doctor.You must read too many romantic novels or watch too many bollywood films.You are not thinking logically about this at all.Doctors get insurance against one of their clients trying to claim they are in love.School kids often claim to be in love with their teacher even when they know nothing of the teacher outside of school.Usually these people are already happily married.It is a mistake to even imagine he is in love with you.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (25 May 2017):
This is a very difficult situation for you to be in.Did you ever hear the old saying....Hills are green far away.Years ago you made the right decision to stay as you stated with your lovely husband and children.In life there are many different types of love..we love a different person in a different..but each is special in their own way.I note from your mail...you state that you do not love your husband.The question is did you ever love your husband?...or did you fall out of love as the years went by?.As you stated you are getting older,and more then ever you need a stable home family,and the loving husband that you have.Think long and deep before you decide to do anything with regards the doctor,this is unknown ground.Would you consider going with your husband to a counsellor and talk about what is missing from your relationship with your husband.With regards the doctor sometimes it is better to keep quiet.Treasure what you have....because what you wish for could be a disappointed and the hurt of your husband and children.Getting older also means we aquire wisdom.....wisdom sometimes means making heartbreaking choices..putting other people before ourselves.It is not easy to do ..as their is a price to be paid for everything in life.That is how we grow as people.But with the right choice comes calm and peace of mind.Kind Wishes .NORA B.
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