A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:So for the past month or so I've been sleeping with this girl I know through mutual friends. We always have a lot of fun together when we hang out. She's just getting out of a seven year relationship and is currently in the process of moving out of the apartment she shared with her ex boyfriend. Apparently he never showed her affection, something I dont have a problem with. Recently I've been feeling her pulling away so to speak. She still texts me and calls me everyday, wants to hang out etc, but she's easing back on the physical stuff. IE Kissing, Sex, etc. I saw her today and tried to kiss her goodbye and she said something akin to "No kissing, I just feel guilty not being in a relationship" The last time we slept together I remember her saying the exact same thing. That she felt guilty somehow having sex outside of a relationship, like it made her a slut or something. I told her that I didn't see her that way, of course. And I don't. I really like her. She said that she feels that she may have moved too fast with me, but we had sex again after she confessed that. A couple weeks ago she told me that she "wants to date and explore" and I will tell you guys exactly what I told her. "Listen, I like you a lot, way more than I thought I would, but you don't belong to me. I'm not like most people, I look past your looks and into the clockwork of your soul. You've been in the relationship equivalent of Guantanamo bay for almost a decade and now that the president has given you your pardon you want to explore this rabbit hole. So go do that and dont feel guilty about it."She responded "You're amazing, you know that? seriously. You're extremely smart and interesting. I love spending time with you!" She then proceeded to tell me that she liked the affection from me (IE Kissing, holding her, etc)Anyways, like I said, now she's slowing that waay down. I get that she's stressed with moving out of her apartment, etc. I'm just wondering what you guys think I should do in this situation. I was thinking I might give myself a break from her while she sorts out the whirlwind that is her life at the moment.
View related questions:
a break, her ex, kissing, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (8 July 2017):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the question LMFAO! I happen to be a writer, so every now and then I say things like that. I'm kind of good with words.
Also I don't know if this been affecting her but I recently found out that she's has clinical depression and is supposed to take medication for it but she has not been! So she's been really kind of depressed lately. I know certain stressful triggers causes either anger, depression, withdrawing etcI can see that happening actually. She's apparently really stressed out about moving out, money, health, etc
That being said there's a whole lot of factors to consider.
A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (8 July 2017):
Wait... in Avengers II, Tony Stark has this line "Wait a minute, no one else is gonna deal with the fact that Captain just said... 'I look past your looks and into the clockwork of yo---Goddamn!Man! Did you get that line from alt.seduction.fast pickup artists or something?!
To quote your lady... "seriously." ?!
Still, speaking of 'presidents', 'pardons', and internets... [God...damn! Maaaannn! Now I know I had no clue about romance!]
I can see where people are coming from about the whole 'be-rebound-wary' thing... but I can't help this feeling that in your case 'giving her space' when you've already slept with her would only be like John McCain suspending his campaign when the financial crisis hits. seriously.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 July 2017):
 We are like cats? lol
Part, from that I agree with Denizen. IF you care for her then don't push for sex and intimacy. YOU aren't a couple and she needs a friend more. And you don't WANT to just be friends (understandable).
Trouble is when you are a rebound (and you are) she might get over the ex-bf and move on, but she will move on from you as well.
So yes, for now? I'd give her space.
She can't BE your partner OR lover right now.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2017): It looks like there are two things happening here.
First, she's coming out of a seven year relationship. Which means she could be rebounding, and that's why she's unsure...
But second, I think she's telling you clearly she's not comfortable with a friends with benefits situation. It seems like she wants to try a bf-gf relationship with you. To be in a actual relationship and then comfortably sleep with you and be affectionate. She was after all with a guy for seven years who wasn't affectionate. The step up for her is to be in a relationship with a guy who IS affectionate, which is you.
So, either give her space, or define the relationship better so you're in an exclusive relationship with long term prospects.
...............................
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (7 July 2017):
 I can see her point, you guys like each other and she is not healed yet from what went before, be a friend to her and show her you love her and not a guy out for sex, she just needs a bit of time, and you seem to be the type guy I would want for my girl if she was that age .
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (7 July 2017):
 Yes, give her space. In this respect women can be like cats, you must let them come to you.
Tell her you respect her feelings and you would love to stay friends with her. Take the pressure off and when she is ready she will approach you if it seem right.
...............................
|
