A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, so about 2 years ago I was in a short film with an actress and we hit it off really well, great chemistry. There was a kissing scene but it wasn't awkward at all. She even suggested "practice kissing" during rehearsal. However, she did have a boyfriendand I kept it very professional on my end because of this, never trying to ask her out or anything after the shootWeeks following the shoot she told me her boyfriend had gotten really jealous over the scene. And after the screening she became very distant and unfriended me on Facebook.Fast forward 2 years later and I give her a call asking how she is and just ask her out since I knew she was single due to her instagram. She gladly agrees, and we set a date.Date arrives and she claims she got very sick. I ask if she'd like to reschedule and she replies she would so we set it to three days later.That day arrives. She doesn't reply to my "see you soon!" text so I call to confirm. She then answers, says she is so sorry but she had to take an acting gig and had forgotten about the reschedule. She says she feels horrible but will come to me this Sunday since she cancelled twice (We live about 40 miles apart now, we were going to meet halfway). I tell her if she's too busy or doesn't really feel like going out she can say that, but she says she really wants to see me and that she might make up excuses with other guys and adds "But I wouldn't do that to you, not with you"Sunday arrives. I text her in the afternoon and no response. I call her and I go straight to voicemail. She never showed up, answered, or sent a text.So I guess my question is, why string me along 3 times if she always meant to cancel on me? The first I'm sick cancellation would've sufficed, she could've said she was too sick or too busy the rest of the week. I just feel so frustrated right now. And I know it was just a date but it still affects me. Should I even text her something back? Thanks for reading, I apologize for the length, any advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 September 2017):
 Thanks for the update OP it is always appreciated when someone updates us how they got on. All the best in the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, I took it and decided to let it be. I did not text her or call her again after that last interaction and she didn't say anything back.
All your explanations do make sense. Maybe she really was just a mean girl, maybe she just wasn't that interested, maybe she just really likes to flake, maybe she likes the periodic attention, who knows.
The important thing is that I left the situation with some dignity and didn't call or text her again begging for her attention.
Again, thank you for all your responses and help!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (7 July 2017):
She seems like she is the flaky type off girl. Maybe she done it to get the attention, or maybe she just puts everything else first. Who knows? But for me I would stop with the contact and leave it there.
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (5 July 2017):
"I just feel so frustrated right now. And I know it was just a date but it still affects me."She's not really interested, there's plenty of other fish, all such variants hold true. But maybe what's really nagging you is "Why does her behaviour affect you in such a frustrating way as this?"If I were in your shoes, it'd be for me because:1) even when accepting that my effort did not pan out, I'd be most frustrated in the case when I don't right away have something 'better' to look forward to2) even when accepting that she's not *really* interested, her behaviour makes me feel so expendable, like I am not 'important', would it have killed her to make my gesture feel appreciated?3) She's telling me she does not know me; she simply does not care for 'this', let alone caring about me.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (3 July 2017):
Why string you along? Because she's a mean girl. She didn't know how to tell you to get lost. There are any number of reasons. None of which matter. The point is she is not in to you. You know it now forget about her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 July 2017):
 I too would leave this one be.
She MIGHT have been sick for the first date - I'll give her that but she was the one who suggested the time/date for the second and third. Which means sheSHOULD have checked if she was actually FREE (IF she had wanted to go).
My guess? She isn't REALLY interested in you. Single or not.
Sorry. Look elsewhere for someone to date and be with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2017): From man to man,forget her. she is not interested. Probably she is one of those hopefuls who is more interested in fame and stardom. Even if she dates you, it will only be an off and on affair at her will and desire. She will give you a very hard time. My advice completely delete her from your phone and from your memory. I know. I have been there it is very annoying to say the least. As YouWish said there are other fish in the sea.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (3 July 2017):
Homestly, I think you put her on the spot by calling her out of nowhere and she felt pressured to say yes. Similarly with the second call, so she switched her phone off the third time in the hope you'll 'get the hint'.
I know that sounds terrible, but I do get it. Firstly, women/girls are not raised to say no. We're supposed to be the caretakers, the ones that put everyone else before ourselves, and saying no can seem selfish and difficult. This is made even worse by the (small number but enough to be a problem) men that think they are entitled to our time because they like us, regardless of how we feel.
I've lost count of the number of men who have asked me out then got annoyed at me when I've said no, to the point of name calling, abusive language and even threats. And it's not just me that's experienced this - all of my female friends have too. So we learn to just 'fade away' as it's the easier and less frightening option.
I'm sure you'll protest and say that you're different and not all men are like that, which I'm sure is the case, but sadly there is no way to tell beforehand which one you are likely to be so the good guys get treated the same as the bad.
So I'd suggest you just leave it be OP. If she is interested she can make the first move.
Oh and I'd also suggest that the next time you try chatting a bit over text or email first instead of calling someone up out of the blue after 2 years and going straight in and asking for a date. That way you actually re-establish something of a relationship before asking her out. When my ex and I split up, several of my male friends that I'd not seen or spoken to in years sent me Facebook messages asking me out and it felt a bit much to have to go from no contact to deciding whether I was interested enough to go on a date in 0-60.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 July 2017):
 I say leave her be. She's not treating you very well, and any contact should be initiated by her next. There are other fish in the sea who will treat you far better than this actress.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (3 July 2017):
 I would leave the ball in her court now.You have made all the running so far, so she knows you are keen.
Some people really do lead chaotic lives (and sickness happens to everyone). However, it is not flattering to be "forgotten" and I do wonder if she has other stuff going on that you know nothing about.
Perhaps if you don't hear from her in a week or two, just drop her a text along the lines of "Hope you are ok. Would still love to meet up but understand if you are too busy." Then leave it with her.
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