A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. Recently I started noticing a big change in our sex life like she was losing interest. After a few months and started asking her what changed and all she would say was I don't know. After it eventually turning into an argument she finally told me it was because she wanted to quote "f^^k somebody else". She said she didn't want to break up and she didn't want an open relationship but she felt like she needed something new. Eventually that turned into she wanted a threesome with another guy. I was pretty upset about it because I didn't really expect that from her. So because I got mad she wouldn't talk to me about it the next day or after that just kept saying she didn't want that anymore she only wanted me. About a few weeks later she finally talked to me about it again and I stayed calm and didn't get mad. She ended telling she just wanted to suck on another guys dick while i f^^k her. I don't know how to feel about it. I feel like she's just looking for ways to make the fact she want to have sex with other guys sound better and I'm not sure what I should do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2017): Sounds to me like she is either bored with you or, like somebody else said, wants to break up but is chicken to do it.
Either way you should dump her.
If you wanted to be naughty, you could agree to a MMF threesome after a MFF threesome THEN break up with her after the MFF.
Best of luck!
A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (12 May 2017):
Is there any chance that she's like everybody else in their right mind and is not seriously considering doing those things?Is there any chance that after 5 years what she's opening up is a new level of [talking dirty]? Things that would turn her on and make her want you two to f*ck each other like there is no tomorrow?You who know her well, wouldn't you be confident whether or not she's seriously keen on doing those things?If she's not, then if I were her boyfriend, I would see here a perfect opportunity for a deeper discovery of her mind. Conversations are a private space where she can freely role-play [sides of her that her boyfriend did not know]If I were you, instead of moping about I'd capitalize on this as an opportunity to let her know that she can feel safe with you and in this private dimension for both of you, she needs not be the goodie-two-shoes girlfriend that society imposes on her and be constantly controlling her f*^king thoughts! (like, for *your* sake??)Instead of moping about, ask her right back questions she would not see coming; give leeway to your imagination, let yourself loose, encourage her to flesh out those fantasies... As I said, it's your private dimension, so, I won't pollute it with any graphic examples of my own.Now, if you're against talking dirty... just pretend I never said anything and never wrote a response at all, al'right?...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 Ask her would she be okay with you having sex with another woman, if she says she would then it looks like you both want different things from this relationship and you should decide what to do next.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2017): Awww that is so sad OP. I feel very bad for you. This is not something any loyal, long term partner should ever have to go through. It feels like a kick to the head. And after you have been together for 5 years, how dare she do something like this to you? It seems so unfair and so thoughtless of her. Not to mention completely selfish and mean. She is only considering her feelings and her desires without a thought for your feelings and the fact you have loved her for 5 years. You could have gone out and cheated on her but you stayed loyal. I guess she does not see any of this because she is too busy trying to find an escape route to satisfy her little fantasies.Listen, this girl knows nothing about relationships. Obviously you are much more mature and stable than she is. And it is sad when one person stays the length of the relationship and is truly invested while the other gets bored and wants to bail.This is what I will tell you. She is going to end up chasing rainbows that don't exist. This guy whom she finds so exciting now will not be so exciting once she loses interest in him as well. And then what? She is onto yet another guy for her thrills? And so she will aimlessly go through life chasing thrills and losing interest and chasing thrills again.The problem is with her. Not you. So, please do not feel bad about yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. I know it feels like a shot to your self esteem and your ego to have her say this to you and know that she is looking for sex elsewhere. It has to be tough. But just know she is the one who will someday find out that the grass is not greener on somebody else's lawn. You must take the time and care to maintain your own lawn and it will always remain green. It is not easy to remain in long term relationships. But if you love one another, you can work together to make things work. And that means working together to improve your sex life. Yes, it can be done. But instead of doing that, she seems bent on finding someone new. That isn't what relationships are all about. They are about commitment and weathering the storms and rough patches together, as a couple and a team.I am very sure that once she tests the waters, she is going to regret it. She may end up liking the experience. Or not. But that is not the issue. My point is that after she sows those wild oats of hers, she is going the miss all the things about you that she likely won't find in these good time Charlies. The best friend she can talk to about anything. The guy who will love her unconditionally. Her safe place to fall when things go wrong. Your arms. Your hugs. Your emotional support. She is going to miss that all.In the end, it will be her loss. Yes, you will hurt but there is going to be another girl out there who is worthy of that precious heart of yours. I know it means nothing to hear this now but you are still young. The woman of your dreams is waiting for you. Once you let this one go. Why? Well, your GF has already let go of you. Once a woman wants to explore sex outside her primary relationship, I can assure you that relationship is over in her heart and mind. I do believe she is a little scared. She does not want to leave a good, stable relationship for something unknown but that pull to the unknown is becoming stronger. And eventually she will cave in. Do you want to be waiting for her to do that? How horrible would it be living that way? Is it not best to leave now and spare yourself from that further pain? Also, she has come out and tell you what she wants. She is risking losing you. And obviously she has to be okay with that if she is no longer hiding the truth from you. I do think she may be waiting for you to tell her it's over because she can't do it herself. It would make her feel even more guilty than she feels right now.It is good that you see this about her now. Too bad it wasn't sooner though. Now you know she is NOT wife material. Like some of the others have said, it's a good thing you have found this out before you might have married her and started a family together.Let her go. Wish her well.She is going to find out the hard way that life is not all about the next thing or upgrading what you have to something better. Most of the time, what you already have is the best of all. And sadly, you find that out once you have lost it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2017):
 It will start with ONE guy she wants to do things with, then she wants another guy or MORE...
You have been together for 5 years, so the question is, WHY is she willing to throw that away fo easily?
I think you need to consider 2 things. 1. WOULD you WANT to SHARE her with another guy sexually? 2. Would agreeing to it even if you DON'T make you want to stay with her?
Personally, if my partner of 5 years told me he "just" wanted to DO someone else I'd give him a choice - He can go DO someone but the relationship is over. Because I DON'T believe that he would want to try JUST one other woman. And I think cheating is a dealbreaker. To me, if my partner had sex with someone else... it WOULD be cheating. And no, I wouldn't want to partake.
HAVE you asked her how SHE would feel if you said, YOU wanted to have sex with another woman?
For some adding more people to the bedroom is just the beginning of the end. And it leaves BOTH parties with issues afterward.
I'd seriously talk to her about what ELSE she would want to try SEXUALLY with JUST you, to spice things up. Yes, after 5 years sex CAN become routine, predictable and even boring.
If you can't - then maybe this is it for the two of you. She seems willing to give up on 5 years relationship to suck another man's dick. THAT is what it has come down to.
You won't be able to forget this request and continue happily. It will linger in the back of your mind. Who does she have in mind for this? WHY him? If you tell her no will she do it anyway and just not tell you?
I'm sorry, to be in your shoes must suck. YOU have to decide if you WANT this or not (sounds like you don't) and then you NEED to stick to your guns.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (11 May 2017):
She is not your wife and you don't have kids together. There is no reason to put up with this. There are 4 billion other women on this planet find another one and let her have her threesome with two other guys. Because eventually that's going to happen you just won't know about it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 There's nothing much to do here. Either you're into this kind of stuff or your not.
She is. You're not. And never the twain shall meet.
If you give in to her then you'll be doing something that you don't believe in and that is abhorrent to you and if she gives in to you then she's just suppressing her frustrations which are bound to explode some day. In any case you know that this is what she wants and there's no denying it.
So that's it. You're sexually incompatible. And this is a major deal breaker.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2017): Far out, all I can say is you should end this relationship. I know you have been with her for 5 years....but can you imagine her saying this to you if you're married with kids one day? I doubt things will change if she is already thinking this way.It sounds to me like she is saying these things because she can't break up with you. She is spineless and hoping that you will do it instead.What kind of a person talks about being with another person sexually in front of their partner? I think it sounds like she is a sandwich short of the picnic. Do yourself a big favor and end it....you deserve much better.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 Sheesh..that stings. Personally I think you are in dangerous territory either way. For one thing though ,she's been honest. Thats one of the things I guess you are risking should you not allow her to indulge in this type of behaviour. Will it go on behind your back at some stage? Highly likely I would think. If you do go ahead with having a threesome and you don't want to then how will you deal with that regret and what will you do if this turns out to be an ongoing request? I'd say the same thing to a woman as I will you and that is don't let yourself be emotionally bullied and manipulated into a sex act/s you don't feel comfortable. What ever your reason, just don't do it. Easier said than done but this type of request would have me giving serious consideration as to whether or not to continue with the relationship. That is a decision I would take on board only after I have exhausted all avenues to get to the nitty gritty of why you guys have come to this point and how you can put back some spark to not having to go down this track. Not saying her request should be frowned upon, she cant help what turns her on etc but if its not for you then perhaps her finding someone more suited is the answer. Best of luck I hope it turns out for you both
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