A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi;I have a boyfriend who I love dearly and me and him are good friends with another couple who we go out with and see a lot. I am very good friends with the girl of the couple and he is very good friends with the boy of the couple although we all talk to eachother. Recently, my boyfriend told me that the boy in the couple has been seeing another girl (who I also know) and had also had sex with her as well as other things. Obviously, being good friends with the girl of the couple (my friend) I wanted to tell her straight away as it is clearly unfair on her to be with him with what he has been doing. However, my boyfriend does not want me to tell her since he wasn't meant to tell me in the first place and it will apparently ruin his friendship with the boy of the couple (who told him). Recently, the boy ended it with my friend, whilst still seeing the girl he cheated on her with however my friend does still not know. The other night, my friend slept round his after a night out and they ended up having sex in the morning, AND THEN, once she had left, he later went and had sex with the girl he cheated on her with! She still does not know and now they're sort of seeing eachother again, it kills me knowing he's messing her about like this but she doesn't know about it. What do I do!!! My boyfriend is saying he will break up with me if I tell her but I honestly feel like it's the right thing to do (telling her) please help!! I hope this all makes sense, thankyou Reply to this Question
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male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (10 June 2017):
 would you like to be told if it was your bf that was doing this behind your back ?
what type friend am i if I know this about you and don't tell you ?
if this girl finds out from another person and finds out you know all along how will she react to you then ?
she might think the people that see others doing wrong and stay on the fence are as bad as the one they are covering for
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): I am currently in a similar situation.
I vote not to tell her. Not because your BF would dump you, (although that blackmail is kinda fucked up) but because it simply isn't her place.
That being said, you do sort of have a duty to right by your friend, so here is what I would do instead.
What I would advice is that you approach the man in the relationship, tell him to break up with your friend, or that you will tell her that he has been cheating.
It's that easy. Your friend doesn't need to know that she has been lied to or have to deal with the anger and embarrassment of having been cheated on, and at the end of the day the same result is achieved, and emotions are spared.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 May 2017):
 Your boyfriend is emotionally blackmailing you in to not telling her. Why would you want to be with a guy who thinks it is okay to hide cheating? That would make me feel that he cheats as well. I wouldn't be able to trust him. I would stand by your friend and tell her the truth. Your boyfriend doesn't sound like a nice person and he should never have put you in that position. If he is willing to break up with you over this, then that surely shows you how little you mean to him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 May 2017):
 I would tell her. IF that means YOUR BF dumps you, then MAYBE that IS for the best. After all, IF your BF is covering for his best buddy, doesn't that mean he thinks cheating is OK AS LONG as the girl doesn't know?
So how CAN you trust your own BF after that?
Sounds like the attitude "boys will be boys"... which is LAME. Cheating is NO more OK for guys to do than a girl. Cheating is cheating.
Bet he wouldn't be so lenient if it was the GIRL who cheated on HIS buddy.
So YOU have to whether you want to follow your concience or stick with a guy who has that kind of attitude and lack of morals.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (25 May 2017):
 Your boyfriend sounds like a bad egg :( our friends show a lot about how we are ourselves. You are what you surround yourself with. I would be questioning his morals and what he thinks is okay.
Tell your friend, she deserves to know. If you want to protect your relationship tell her that your boyfriend is going to break up with you if he finds out and hopefully she'll just break up with the cheater and walk away without having to say why you cheated. Regardless I would tell her if I were you.
It would worry me to think my boyfriend was happy to protect someone who was in the wrong!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 May 2017):
 Wait a second - this guy threatened to break up with you if you protect YOUR friend from a cheater?? He has his priorities out of place, but I have considered a possible solution for you to let your friend know, yet not break your boyfriend's confidence.
Flip the script on your boyfriend. Confront him on why he is protecting his friend, and tell him that HE had better tell his friend to come clean to your friend, or you will. Tell him that if he cares more about harboring a cheater, then that's not something worth being in a relationship with, as he has displayed priority to cheating.
Let's put aside *for the moment* whether or not you should tell your friend. How long has this been going on? How long has your boyfriend been COVERING for this?? WHY is he okay with letting the behavior continue AND why did he tell you in the first place??
Another thing that I find unsettling is the behavior of your friend. You are teenagers, and treating sex without the thought of risk is beyond dangerous. She and this cheater broke up. She's still sleeping with him. He's sleeping with multiple people in the same night. Maybe I'm getting older, but this has the same effect on me as watching a video of a 9-year old shooting an UZI. You could be a good friend and tell your friend to not treat sex so recklessly.
Right now, there's no cheating happening, because your friend and this guy aren't back together. However, this guy is an absolute cad, and like attracts like. If your boyfriend is approving of this behavior to the point of threatening YOUR relationship, then your guy is as worthless as his cheater friend is.
In my opinion, square yourself away and break up with him, THEN tell your friend about this guy's actions. She may stay in denial, but you can lead by example, and standing around turning a blind eye is how this mess is being perpetuated in the first place!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 May 2017):
 You should tell her. You'd want to know. Not only that, but can you trust your boyfriend if he's happy to protect a cheater?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 May 2017):
 I'm with chigirl.
If someone told me one of my friends was being cheated on I would tell them immeditaely.
I don't agree with this whole, let them find out theirself mentality. If that person was being cheated on I'm sure they would want to find out so they could dump their partner, rather than close friends knowing about it and just letting it happen.
If your boyfriend is happy to cover for his friend, who knows what things he wouldn't bad an eyelid lying about? If he didn't want this to get out in the first place then why would he tell you and expect you to keep quiet?
I'd definitely be looking out for my friend in this situation and I'd advise you to do the same.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 May 2017):
 Your boyfriend wants to protect a cheater? Im sorry, but this says a lot about his moral compass. I don't think I would trust your boyfriend if he is willing to let this carry on without saying anything. The girl is his friend too, after all. And how can he expect you to dismiss your loyalty to your friend, just so he can honour his loyalty to his friend?
And then to place an ultimatum of "either you do as I say or I break up with you" is really the nail in the coffin. Whenever someone plays this ultimatum on you, that's your signal to end things and walk away.
Tell your friend. And Im sorry, but your boyfriend is not a keeper. You might love him dearly, and it will hurt like hell for a while, but he is not a good man for you. Just look at what he's doing here.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 May 2017):
 I can totally understand your loyalty to your friend and your need to protect her. HOWEVER, you need to think this through. Firstly, it may cost you your relationship with your boyfriend (although that could be a mixed blessing, given his attitude). It may also backfire on you in that the guy will deny it, your friend will believe him (because she wants to believe him) and YOU will be the bad guy.
Hard as it is to know your friend is being messed about, I would keep this unsavoury knowledge to myself. He will mess up at some point and she will find out what he is really like. Then be ready to offer a shoulder to cry on and NEVER admit you knew about it.
You may also want to tell your boyfriend to not share the latest on his mate's sexual exploits with you if you are not allowed to tell your friend.
I can't say your boyfriend looks good in all this either. Telling you stuff like this, then threatening to finish with you if you tell your friend, is not the way a nice person behaves. Is this what he is going to threaten you with every time you want to do something he doesn't approve of? Think it through, sweetheart. Don't YOU deserve better as well?
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (25 May 2017):
With people's characters being not all Black or all White, and there existing shades of grey, what you'll want to consider is "Does she want to be told?" or will her ego be bruised that you came 'saving' her?
It is a delicate matter and a fine line to balance; so, my role as a friend would be to guide her to realizing it on her own.
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