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... Send *istify a private message | | | *istify's profile:I'm just a regular girl from South Africa with a lot of relationship experience, and a deeper understanding to problems. Currently in a very steady relationship (with the usual ups and downs) and i have a four and a half year old daughter.
My advice is not nearly professional but i try and help where i can. I'm open and honest and will tell you exactly what i think of a situation.
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Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 8 October 2008: Hello Everybody
Just a very very quick update (since i basically disappeared off the face of the planet for about 5 monts)
On 10 October, it will be 7 months of no smoking.
(bar from about 4 drags a while ago)
During this time, i've lo... (read in full...)
I'm committed, but is he?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. I love him dearly, and there is no question that he loves me. He's soon to be going through some life changes which include moving to another state (he's never been out of the state by ...
A. 8 October 2008: What a very tough situation...
Two years is a long time, and believe me, i know. Been there, done that (a couple of times) and bought the T-shirt.
Relationships that are meant to last however, are supposed to take a natural progression and ... (read in full...)
Am I making a fuss over nothing or is any of this something to worry about?
Q. Okay, my boyfriend and I have been together for six months. I love him very much. The thing is I feel like I'm always proving my love but he isn't. I talk about him on my facebook profile, but he mentions nothing about me, not even that he's in a ...
A. 8 October 2008: Dear Darina
What a predicament - and yet - so many of us women suffer the same insecurities.
I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. Personalities differ. He is not, nor will he ever be you. It is important to you (and me) to ... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 7 May 2008: Hello EVERYBODY...
I'm Ecstatic.
I promised myself i would quit before my birthday this year, and, it is my birthday on Friday.
I'm proud to say, that it's been 8 weeks and 3 days since my last fag.
How you keeping up Uncle Phil?
... (read in full...)
Do guys think I'm a loser because I'm a virgin?
Q. I am 20 years old, and I am still a virgin. It's not because of religious reasons; I have dated before but I just haven't found the person to do it with. What I am fearing now is how guys see virgins. I have always watched TV and movies that basi...
A. 11 April 2008: Absolutely NOT.
AND - the only people who will make you feel like a loser, are people who are jealous of you, or insecure in themselves.
It is a well known fact, that many guys (and girls nowadays) like to sleep around before they get married,... (read in full...)
I don't want him to be offended but I don't like to "swallow". Can I spit it out in the toilet?
Q. Okay here's my problem. I love giving my boyfriend head because i know he enjoys it so much. But, I can't stand the taste of come. With my ex boyfriend, he told me when he was going to come and I just switched and used my hand. But my boyfrie...
A. 11 April 2008: Hi there
NO NO NO
I'm like you toooo. Absolutely cannot stand the taste of it.
NO - you don't HAVE to swallow it. NO - swallowing doesn't mean you are more experienced. NO - your boyfriend has no right to expect this of you, and honestly, an... (read in full...)
I'm having serious doubts to whether I should stay with him because I don't fancy him anymore..
Q. I've been with the same guy 6 years, he never wanted kids because of problems with his child that put him off, from his previous marriage. I ignored him.. now I feel nothing but resentment and don't fancy him and avoid sex but feel very unfulfilled ...
A. 11 April 2008: POOR YOU!
This is such a tough situation to be in, and i'm really sorry for it.
I've been there.
I've had long relationships, that seemed to be great, and, towards the end of them, i was also full of resentment and totally unhappy. Someti... (read in full...)
His family don't like me because they preffered his ex!
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for over two years, and despite us having a perfect relationship...there is one thing that bothers me sooo much. His family! Before we met, my boyfriend was seeing a girl for almost four years. All ...
A. 11 April 2008: What a terrible situation to be in.
Relationships are hard enough without parents trying to bud in, and cause chaos.
From your post i gather that your boyfriend still lives with his parents? This makes it difficult, as you can't just go over... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 7 April 2008: Today is 4 weeks.
It will be exactly a month on Thursday 10 April.
It is absolutely awesome not to be smoking anymore, and not to be dependent on those fags.
Etienne is still smoking. 2 weeks later he has still done no better than going 24hour... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 31 March 2008: Hello everybody.
Just another quick update...
It was 3 weeks yesterday for me!!!!
I did have ONE drag on Saturday, but in all honesty, i almost puked. The smell actually gets me nauseas.
My partner is doing okay.
He wasn't able to quit yet, bu... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 25 March 2008: HELLO EVd ERYONE....
I've the passed TWO week mark. Today is 16 days no smoke.
My partner Etienne, has now gone for 36 hours without any smokes, and i'm very proud of him...
He has been so irritable and edgy, that i've had to tip-toe around him..... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 21 March 2008: JIP - that is correct. Many SA women have been this way for ages, however, the men used to be even tougher than the women, and it was solely their responsibility to bring home the dough. - and i must say, THAT is what has changed.... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 21 March 2008: LOL - Thanks Uncle Phil - BUT HONESTLY - my partner is NOT the outdoorsy type. I think that the new millennium brought on an entirely new species of men and women.
I'm not the "average" girl. I'm the one who changes the light bulbs, tyres and ... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 21 March 2008: Hello there.
NOPE - i have not faltered.
STILL going strong. Today is 12 days!
I feel absolutely FANTASTIC!!!!!!
My partner told me that he will also quit, and his D-DAY, is on Sunday (to have the last fag) I'm actually quite nervous o... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 17 March 2008: Thank you "maatjie"????
... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 16 March 2008: Helllllloooooooooooo everybody.
Last update (for at least a while)
In exactly 3 hours, it will be ONE WHOLE WEEK of not smoking, and i didn't falter ONCE.
I'm ecstatic!!!
Thank you once again for all your help. I really would not have b... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 15 March 2008: Just to recap - It is now 130 hours SMOKE free.
I feel great.
Last night was fine.
Had about five drinks, seated in the non-smoking area, and i was totally fine.
I feel really great.
... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 14 March 2008: They passed that law in SA a couple of years back. Smoking is still allowed in some pubs and restaurants, however, ONLY if they have a designated smoking area (which is not allowed to be more than 25% of any restaurant or pub), and they implemented ... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 14 March 2008: Hi Everybody
Uncle Phil = Thank you for your support.
I've had a pretty tough week, emotionally. And each time i became depressed or sad, or lonely, i wanted to grab a fag.
BUT I DIDN'T.
I had to catch a 15cm spider, and after that i also wa... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 14 March 2008: Hello everybody.
QUICK UPDATE
It has now been 106 hours (just over 4 days) and NO smoking.
I'm feeling great.
Have a fab day all of you.
CIAO... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 12 March 2008: Hi Everybody
Thank you very much for your response Yos.
I do find that reminding myself of how HARD the first day was for me, really helps me NOT wanting to face that again..
Its been 70 hours now. (LOL - Almost 3 days)
I play netball, and i m... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 12 March 2008: Hi Serenity
Thanks for the well-wishes.
I went to our local health shop, and they didn't have sunflower seeds, and neither did the normal supermarket. (Bar from the PET-food isle)
So - i bought the Goji-berries instead.
Also not fattening, and t... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 12 March 2008: Hello everybody
Just a quick update.
So - i got through yesterday, with a packet of crisps, a slab of chocolate, and some GOJI-berries.
It is now 58 hours since i had my last smoke. AWESOME.
I feel so much better today.
Technically i've ... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 11 March 2008: Hello everybody.
I'm upset - I'm moody - I'm grumpy - I'm tired, but i'm ALSO EXTREMELY PROUD.
LOL - it has now been about 33 hours since my last smoke.
I never realized that it will be this hard, but in saying that, i must say that a feel a lo... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 10 March 2008: It's now been 20 HOURS.
SCARY how i'm literally counting them off. Usually i don't have enough time in my day, but today is hectic. I really cannot wait until it is time to go to bed (another two or three hours)
I know you guys and girls are busy... (read in full...)
Any tips to stop the craving to smoke?
Q. Hello Everyone. I know this is not relationship advice I'm seeking, but please be kind, and help me anyway. I've been a smoker for nearly 14 years. Never really smoked much (only about 5-7 cigarettes a day), until about April of 2007. I st...
A. 10 March 2008: Hello everybody.
Thank you for all the replies.
I honestly think that today was the worst day EVER to quit, because i had taken the day off.
I'm currently very proud of myself, for lasting this long, (although i spent about 8 of the 16 hours sle... (read in full...)
I am enjoying the excitement but there are however too many moral reasons to stop this incoming affair. What would you do?
Q. I have been secretly emailing with a friend's husband and it is getting heavy. There is crazy attraction and they will be moving close by soon. I'm not sure how to handle this. It was just sort of flirty before but now it's too close to home. I ...
A. 29 February 2008: Hi there.
I really feel sorry for you, because this is such a tough situation.
Firstly, well done for realizing your mistakes before it went too far. Not many people do, and like Uncle Phil said, the excitement of the 'new and unknown' is addictiv... (read in full...)
How can I make him understand that this is a pointless argument?
Q. I had a fight with my BF. He gets so upset each time the issue is brought up, but he's the one who brings it up so there's no way for me to stop it. Anyway... I had a friend with benefits when I was 15, and years later, he introduced me to...
A. 29 February 2008: Hi there
I really don't understand what the issue is with your boyfriend, and from what i can gather, he also doesn't understand what his issue is.
It seems to me that he is LOOKING for something to fight about.
Lets forget for a moment, that t... (read in full...)
Ackward question, but one for the girls to answer.
Q. Okay I'm 14 and I have a question that is so embarassing to ask but I would really like to get some answers... I am a virgin and I am not sexually active although I do hook up with people, (saliva) and I want to know why I am experiencing pro...
A. 28 February 2008: Hi girl.
It sound to me like a bacterial infection.
these can last for AGES if left untreated.
Your doctor will put you on a simple course of antibiotics.
Really - NO NEED TO WORRY. Just have it checked out as soon as possible. I had... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend I went back to another guy's house after a night out?
Q. This is kind of the situation i am in. I have been with my boyfriend for 15 months and do love him loads. Never have broken up or had a break before. But recently i found myself going out and flirting more and kind of wishing i was single. Me and my ...
A. 25 February 2008: Hi there.
I realize that you've already made your decision, and honestly, I've been in your position, and i made the same choice.
BUT - one thing to consider:
If you turn this situation around, if you were in HIS shoes, Would you like to know???
... (read in full...)
Site News: We hit another milestone :-)
Q. For the first time we broke the 400,000 visitors mark over the past month! We had 412,222 people visit the site from Jan 13th 08 - Feb 14th 08 according to google analytics! Thanks to all the mods, the aunts and everyone who shares their pro...
A. 13 February 2008: Fantastic News Andrew. Well done to you (for keeping this site alive), and also to all the aunts, uncles, posters and mods. We are all doing Great work here. Keep it up.... (read in full...)
I have an issue with her about losing weight
Q. I've been with my girl for 5yrs during which we have had ups and downs. I was getting divorced and it was bitter. I loved her a lot but during all the stress (mostly from my side) the love has eroded. Is this because its a long term relation...
A. 13 February 2008: Hi there. Although i agree with the other posters to a certain extent, (some of them were a bit harsh) i will answer your question out of my point of view. You are going through a tough time, and i really think you are depressed. When we are stuck... (read in full...)
Is it right to date a friend's ex?
Q. my best friend and her husband have been separated for about a month...she moved out and that leaves me and him living under the same roof. Recently me and him have been talkin a lot...and i'm up to the point where i'm atracted to him physically. ...
A. 11 February 2008: Hi there.
Although i do agree 'on paper' with what all the other Aunts said, i'll give this to you from another angle.
I was in this situation once before. My best friend of 10 years (who had gone over to England with her then boyfriend), came... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my boyfriend. What can I do?
Q. i need help and fast. my b/f wants to break up but i dont think i can stand not having him... i love him soo much. we went on a break that lasted 3 days n now he wants to break up... hes the love of my life and i dont want to lose him how can i keep ...
A. 8 February 2008: Hi there
I agree with Laura, but i will expand a bit more
When one of the two people involved in a relationship, is not interested in making it work, then there is hardly ever something you can do to make them feel otherwise.
This is what they ar... (read in full...)
Does one's body change after losing their virginity?
Q. I was just wondering...Does your body change after you lose your virginity? If so what changes??? My mom told me that when girls lose their virginity that their butts start to get wider..is this true???...
A. 8 February 2008: Hi there.
I have not experienced ANY change in my body WHATSOEVER after losing my virginity.
Yes - after having children, your body definitely will change, but i don't think that for the most part it will change after losing your virginity. ... (read in full...)
My very good friend and I now both like my 'ex'. What should we do?
Q. So wow, where do i even begin? Okay, so I've dated this guy *Jack* on and off for a couple of months and i recently broke up with him again. He started talking to my friend *Amy* and then i realized how much i missed him and stuff. So we started ...
A. 8 February 2008: Hi there.
Shaim - what a terrible situation you are in.
There is only one thing i can say about this, and that is that YOU now have to choose who is more important in your life. Your good friend, or this guy?
Once you've established this, you wo... (read in full...)
His Ex won't leave us alone.
Q. His ex won't leave us alone - Harassing phone calls etc to my home and work. Update- I received a further nuisance call tonight from my boyfriend's ex wife. I rang my boyfriend to tell him and he also had a hang up call 5 seconds before I called ...
A. 8 February 2008: Hi there.
I really feel bad for you, and this situation must be driving you up the wall.
Have you spoken to your boyfriend about your feelings?
You and your boyfriend have to unite, and speak up 'together' about this situation.
She needs to ... (read in full...)
We have been very distant after a miscarriage. What can we do?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been dating for over six months now. Everything was fine until she miscarried our baby after 5 weeks. Ever since the news she has become very distant and nothing i do is ever right. She has bad mood swings, father ...
A. 1 February 2008: I'm so sorry for what you are going through, it must be really hard.
Your girlfriend is desperately in need of therapy.
Trust me - i've been there.
What you can do? Well, if you really want to make this work, then you will need to support her.... (read in full...)
What levels of detail would you want to know if your wife cheated on you?
Q. Hey all there. I' coming again with an additional question. My wife cheated on me and I want to thank all the persons who gave me quite helpful advice. You can see my earlier question on http:/...
A. 1 February 2008: Personally, i would like to know ALL the details.
This has happened to me twice before with guys i was dating.
The first time it happened, it hurt a lot, but i was able to deal with everything faster, because he told me the WHOLE story.
The secon... (read in full...)
My husband cannot see how serious his pot-smoking problem really is. Please help.
Q. I have been married for over 20 years. My husband has always smoked pot. I always thought this was just a phase, and that he would grow up and quit. We have grown children, and it was a big issue when they were young. I almost left him then, but ...
A. 1 February 2008: Hi there.
I've only been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and i had the same problem. When i met him, he smoked maybe once a month, and this really didn't bother me much, but later in our relationship, he started smoking more often. It got ... (read in full...)
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