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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I had a fight with my BF. He gets so upset each time the issue is brought up, but he's the one who brings it up so there's no way for me to stop it. Anyway...I had a friend with benefits when I was 15, and years later, he introduced me to my BF (mutual friend and all... hence why he's so jealous I guess. However, I no longer talk to the ex friend for that same reason). So, I had given that friend a BJ back in the day. My BF also had a friend with benefits when he was 17. (My BF is older than me for 3 years). His friend with benefits gave him a HJ.He argues that I wasn't really a virgin because I gave the other guy BJ, and because of that, I'm a whore because I "lost" my virginity to a friend. I told him I didn't think so, that I lost my virginity to him (my BF). He said a BJ is sexual contact, that it's sexual activity. Then, I told him, he lost his virginity to a friend too, he was given a HJ, because that's also sexual activity. He said that no, he was a virgin still, that he lost his virginity to his first GF when they had intercourse. I argued and argued that a HJ IS sexual contact. He agreed, but said that a BJ is worse because it involves penetration, whereas a HJ does not. His exact words were: "When you gave oral sex to him, he was entering your organism. I wasn't entering anyone's organism during the HJ. I wasn't doing anything to her, she was doing it to me, not the same as you giving a BJ."I disagreed. If he's going to set the virginity standard on having sexual activity, then I say a BJ and a HJ are the same. But he got upset, because to him a BJ is a major offense, so to speak. But how can I make him see the things the way I see it? I think he's being unfair, playing the "Holier than thou" card on me.I actually told him "Fine, that's your opinion. We won't argue about the subject anymore, but please respect my opinion too. It's not gonna change, so we're wasting time arguing about it". But he got more upset because he says I wasn't convinced of the truth (what?!).How can I make him understand that this is a pointless argument, and that a BJ with a friend is just as offensive as a HJ with a friend?. Help.
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friend with benefits, his ex, jealous, lost my virginity, oral sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, x_Joe_x  +, writes (26 April 2009):
I agree with him
A
female
reader, daisydaresyou  +, writes (3 March 2008):
He sounds really jealous and insecure. He is upset because you had some semblance of a sex life before him (though I do not think you lost your virginity by giving a BJ! How ridiculous is that lol) and it is hurting his ego.
He sounds like he has alot of issues. Losing your virginity to anyone doesn't make you a whore!
I would break up with him and find someone who is less of a headf*ck. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 I still think you should leave the a**hole. He is trying to make you feel less than he is.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 February 2008):
 ....sigh....Once again this week I agree with q1605....I think....
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 Whenever you encounter such an argumentative guy, you just tell him, 'You win !'
This would take the wind out of the sail and leave them flabbergasted..LOL!
They were expecting a long fight but when you let them win so easily, their ego's get busted.
You know the truth and you don't want to argue with him and this is a very effective way to end all arguments.
You are not going to ram the truth down his throat and you just let him believe whatever he wants.
Since you let him win, he has nothing more to argue about.
He won but he won't feel happy because it was too easy for him.He won't enjoy it.
You cannot make him understand about the absurdity of that argument . It is all about winning and that is all he wants, to feel smarter than you.
Anytime , you want to end an arguement, just let them win.You dont have to change his thoughts.You can keep yours and you dont have to accept his either.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 Hi there
I really don't understand what the issue is with your boyfriend, and from what i can gather, he also doesn't understand what his issue is.
It seems to me that he is LOOKING for something to fight about.
Lets forget for a moment, that the only way to "lose" your virginity, is through sexual intercourse.
Even if you did give this guy a BJ, and he only got a hand-job, he DID lose his ACTUAL virginity (by sexual intercourse) with another girl before you.
So technically he is the 'whore'. (by his rules)
You have done nothing wrong.
Honestly - i would try and sit him down and chat to him
Ask him why this is such a big issue to him.
Ask him why he keeps bringing it up.
Ask him what his classification of a 'whore' is.
Tell him what your classification of a 'whore' is.
Tell him how you feel about this argument (calmly).
If he still won't see the light, why don't you ask around for a 'second' opinion.
I really hope for you that he will let go of this argument, as something like this could really cause trouble in future.
Good luck to you.
Love & Light
M
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (29 February 2008):
 This guy has ego issues. He doesn't appreciate what he has, clearly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Hi Hunny
A dictionary always comes in handy with arguments like this, And a vigin is someone who has not had sexual intercourse!!!(OR A COCKTAIL DRINK APPARENTLY):)
Sweetheart you gave a blowjob he had a hand jod is it because he didnt get the b/j that he is concerned....
This my sweetpea IS!! a pointless argument show him the bloody dictionary!!!!!!!!!!!!! good grief your head must be spinning Id have told him to b/j off for awhile, you are not a whore and if this is the way he speaks to you then consider very carefully if you want a man in your life talking this way! He really does need to get over this big time.. If you need a chat message me hunny you havent done anything wrong TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH TONS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 Wow, he sounds extremely pigheaded honey! Since you appear to have put up a fairly conclusive argument and he still doesn't agree, I'de say that he will never see things your way. He is just being stubborn and trying to make himself feel better by putting you down.
If it makes any difference, I subscribe to your side of the argument.
Try and put this behind you two. If he continues to bring this up, maybe you should try and discover the underlying issues he has. Somehow I think this is deeper than just the definition of virginity and HJ's vs. BJ's.
Take care
Scythe
xox
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A
female
reader, peaches08 +, writes (29 February 2008):
 Its pretty pointless arguing over whos done what and what loosing virginity means. He should respect your opinion if he expects you to respect his.You as a couple should concentrate on your OWN sexual relationship, not events that have happend in the past.If this was me, i'd be sick of it after the 2nd time, let alone if he just won't give over about it.Tell him he needs to stop being petty, it'll just end up dragging you both down. Life's too short to be stuck with a boyfriend who doesn't respect you, you will both end up miserable. Trust me on that. So tell him to sort himself out or he'll loose outYour worth more than that.
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