A
female
age
36-40,
*nesided
writes:I am 20 years old, and I am still a virgin. It's not because of religious reasons; I have dated before but I just haven't found the person to do it with. What I am fearing now is how guys see virgins. I have always watched TV and movies that basically say that people who are still virgins when they reach adulthood are losers. So I am scared that if I ever find a person I want to do it with, he will think that I am a loser or something. It's not like I will do it with anyone; but still, I feel that this is the way they feel.So do they generally think that virgins equals to losers?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 Sweety, please, stop watching TV and ignore movies. They are filled with crap and can really screw our perceptions of the real world.
The thing to remember is that a tv show HAS to have drama/action in it. The estranged parent, the one-nightstand etc etc it all passes by, often several times because every ep must have something happen. Seinfeld was partly such a huge success because mostly nothing happened and even that show couldn't keep it up.
Don't forget that television and movies are MADE by actors and writers, not exactly people known for being 'normal', if they were 'normal' they wouldn't be actors or writers BUT these abnormal people still get to present 'normality' to us via the big/small screen.
Entertainment is well known to take a flying leap when it comes to reality when it comes to things like physics. Did you know that a lead bullet CANNOT cause a spark when it strikes metal. It simply does not happen. Did you know that a bullet will go straight through a car, so the chances of hiding behind a door are ZERO? Yes how many times have you seen a car used as a shield?
IT is even worse, either you learn to ignore it or become one of those boring geeks who rants at Jurrasic Park and its many mistakes.
So what makes you think movies/tv are not equally guilty of ignoring reality when it comes to social affairs, like people remaining virgins until they find the right person?
In reality most men would be delighted to find a girl your age or any age who is still a virgin, read some other questions, like the guy whose gf had slept with 30+ men and how he feels about it.
How many posts have there been where a guy complains about his gf being a virgin? Not a single one I seen.
You are not a loser, if you decide for your own reasons, not because someone else told you to safe yourselve for the right person then in my book you are a winner. NOT because you are a virgin but because you are your own person setting your own rules.
Don't care to much about what others think, especially guys. Any guy who objects to you choosing to wait is not worth a girl like you. Again, I don't mean a virgin, but a woman with her own will.
Trust me, compared to girls who give it up to a random guy at 14 because all their friends do so you are not merely a more attractive woman but a better person. Lets hope one day you find someone you can share your life with who truly appreciates a woman with her own mind.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): Young guys are annoyed with virgins while they're casually dating and trying to get laid as much as possible.
Once those guys get later into their 20s & 30s, all of a sudden they'd LOVE to find a virgin or a girl with as little experience as possible.
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A
female
reader, greenmonkey00 +, writes (11 April 2008):
 I was a virgin until 21 and trust me, I ain't no loser. I do know that some guys don't want to "deflower" a girl for whatever reason. Like it's too much responsibility or there are certain implications that it has to be good because she will always remember 'the first time.' Then other guys feel like they were awarded the freaking purple heart after they take someone's virginity.
Here's my two cents. Wait until you've found a guy that really appeals to your emotional side and doesn't seem to care whether you've had sex or not. If he can get you to want to rip his clothes off of him, then go ahead and do it. Quit thinking about it so much. It will happen IF and WHEN you want it to.
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A
female
reader, TT  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 This is so cliche, but any guy who thought you were a looser for being a virgin, is not the guy you want to have sex with.
I am the same age as you and have been sexually active for quite a long time. I wouldn't change, but if i were you i would absolutely treasure your virginty, and be utterly proud that you still have it to share.
You are by no means a looser.
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): No, you're not a loser. You haven't lost it yet, so how can you be a loser??
Virginity is sometimes seen as a problem that needs solving, but if you want to hang on to it until the right time, good for you.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (11 April 2008):
 No. In this case it is a double standard. Not that it is right at all. Guys would probably hear more about being 20 and a virgin than say a female would. I think it is very admirable that you would wait until you meet the right person, and if you meet the right guy, he will think it is admirable as well. If you date a guy looking for sex and you let him know you will wait until you are ready, he may run for the hills, but thats good. Even then he wouldnt see you as a loser, just as someone who isnt easy like he may want. No, you are not a loser by any means. You have respect for yourself and wait until you are ready, not what anyone else wants from you. It's an excellent thing.
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A
female
reader, kirstylou +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Hiya Hun.
I can understand why your fearing that but you are not a loser. If anyone said or thought that of you then they r clearly a horrible person and aint worth it.
The 'right' person who you will meet sooner or later will admire you for waiting all this time to have sexual intercourse. so dont go worrying hun .. there's plenty of other people ur age and older who are still virgins.
Shows u got respect for urself.. sensible in a way. Not sayin tht ppl who have had sex already aint sensible lol but you know what i mean.
:) x x x
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Absolutely NOT.
AND - the only people who will make you feel like a loser, are people who are jealous of you, or insecure in themselves.
It is a well known fact, that many guys (and girls nowadays) like to sleep around before they get married, but in essence, they would all like to marry a virgin.
No - dear girl. You are not a loser. FAR FROM IT!!!
You are to be respected, and be the envy of many guys and girls out there, (that includes me), for waiting for the right person to share a very special thing with.
Don't let low shallow people make you feel worth any less.
You are WONDERFUL, and well done to you.
OH - and the right person, will love you even more, for not giving your virginity to just any random person. If they don't, then they are NOT the right person...
Good luck, and once again, well done!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): well i cant really speak for everyone....but personally i dont think so i am a 18 year old guy and am a virgin and when i brought it up to the girl i like she said it was cute and nothing to be ashamed about so me personally and from my experiance no it does not make you a "loser"however if they are so concerned about it then they obviously arent worth your time good luck
-michael
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