A
female
age
30-35,
*arina
writes:Okay, my boyfriend and I have been together for six months. I love him very much. The thing is I feel like I'm always proving my love but he isn't. I talk about him on my facebook profile, but he mentions nothing about me, not even that he's in a relationship. (his friends know he is but it's still important to me). Also I changed my number because exes were always messaging and calling and this upset him, so now I have no numbers for my exes yet he has only deleted one of his. Am I making a fuss over nothing or is any of this something to worry about?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 I kind of think this is a guy thing. Women tend to get really into the whole relationship thing, and put the man first and into the spotlight in their life. Men, on the other hand, seem to include a relationship as just one part of life, important of course, but not something to be trumpeted about or highlighted.
The comment about always proving your love interests me. Does he ask you to do this, or are you doing this on your own? The facebook stuff I mean. If you're doing it on your own to prove to him how much you love him, I'm not sure how to put this nicely, you may be wasting your efforts. He may not even notice. It's not that he doesn't love you back, it's just that showing it off isn't such a macho thing to do.
As far as deleting your exes' numbers and him not deleting his, that does seem to be a basic inequity in the relationship. If you do feel unhappy about him staying in contact with his exes, let him know, nicely, that you would like him to follow your example.
I can suggest something for you to do, based on my observations of relationship dynamics. I don't know if you will feel comfortable doing this, but it's something to think about.
You might just delete the comments about him and the fact that you're in a relationship from your facebook page. Don't say anything to him, don't make a fuss, don't look expectantly at him when he logs onto facebook.
Just pop it back to the state when you were not dating. If he notices and says anything about it to you, THEN you can say, very mildly and nicely, "Oh, I noticed that your facebook didn't have anything about me, so I thought you didn't want me to talk about you." And then, be quiet, stop talking, no more explanations, no discussion needed. If he wants to talk about it, fine. If he doesn't, fine. I would be very surprised if you didn't notice a chance in his facebook page shortly.
Just remember that men do value relationships, they generally just express their love in a less public way. Nothing to do with you, I know that sounds nuts, but it's true.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): Dear 6 months is too early to talk about a relationship.you are taking this "too far,too fast".Isn't it better to wait for the eggs to hatch before you count your chickens.Here the eggs haven't even been laid!I think your boyfriend is doing the right thing by being discreet what ever his motives are.A discreet relationship works out better whether its a success or failure.Once you are sure that the relationship is heading in the right direction then you can yak about it all you want!
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 Dear Darina
What a predicament - and yet - so many of us women suffer the same insecurities.
I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. Personalities differ. He is not, nor will he ever be you. It is important to you (and me) to be mentioned to other people. To feel special, and for your boyfriend to want to show the world how special you are and that you are his girlfriend.
However - if this is extrememly important to you, i would suggest you have a chat to him about this. He might not know how important it is to you, and in essence, a relationship is all about compromise.
When we meet or start dating someone new - (6 months is still a new relationship in my books), you don't yet know everything about your partner - and this is the fun, wonderful and sometimes frustrating part - the "get to know" part.
Right now - i wouldn't stress - but like i said, you are the only one who knows your boundaries and limits in a relationship. And you have to keep the honesty and speak up if it really bothers you...
Good luck!
Keep us updated...
Love & Light
-M-
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A
female
reader, tayalouise  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 I know how you feel, recently I have felt my love is proven to my boyfriend but he is not always being equal back. I mention him on my myspace, yet he refuses to as he says its a girl thing.
You're not making a fuss over nothing, I know that it sounds like nothing but I understand its significant in your relationship.
I questioned my boyfriend about it and got some answers, so maybe you should try that.
However, don't approach it like you're mad at him, just ask in general and go from there. Good luck!
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