A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my best friend and her husband have been separated for about a month...she moved out and that leaves me and him living under the same roof. Recently me and him have been talkin a lot...and i'm up to the point where i'm atracted to him physically. She no longer cares for him, what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Wow...this hits home and do I have some advice for you. My ex-husbands friend moved in with us and after my ex and I split, the friend stayed. He and I have become close...basically best friends. Problem is...I'm in love with him. He recently moved out, but we are still close. I say that you should give it a bit of time before becoming "more than friends", but you can work on your relationship. Besides, someone once said that love is friendship on fire. Spend this time building the friendship and the rest will happen. I know that it can be frustrating, and that waiting can be torture. BUT, if you care about him, he will be worth the wait. Trust me, I'm still waiting, but he's worth it and I will wait...soulmates only come around once in a lifetime.
A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 Hi there.
Although i do agree 'on paper' with what all the other Aunts said, i'll give this to you from another angle.
I was in this situation once before. My best friend of 10 years (who had gone over to England with her then boyfriend), came home for a two week visit. They had already booked and paid for a weekend away in South Africa for their 4 year anniversary. Two months before they came home, they broke up, but seeing that everything was already booked and paid, and a refund wasn't possible, they decided to go away anyway. Only, that he had to bring a friend along, and so did she.
So - 4 of us ended up going away for a weekend.
I've known her then ex-boyfriend for a very long time, and somehow, over this weekend, we developed feelings for each other. I must say, if i hadn't been so LONELY, i might have never gone for him, but i was, and so i did.
However, i asked my friend to go for a walk with me. I explained to her how these 'feeling' were surfacing, and she
a) re-assured me that she's over him
b) totally gave me the go-ahead
c) told me she was happy for me
d) warned me about him
So - i went for it, now having her blessing. It was a fantastic relationship. We had a great time. BUT - as it turns out 10 months later, he was indeed a CHEATER, and our relationship ended.
I think i was in a lucky position, to have such a great friend. She was there for me throughout the entire thing.
We continued to stay in contact weekly, and up until today (3 years after i broke up with the guy) we are still GREAT friends.
Now - These are the question you need to ask yourself.
a) Will you have the guts / openness to inform your friend of your intentions?
b) If not, do you value your friendship more, or would you rather be with somebody?
c) Why did they break up? Whose fault was it? Don't you think that you'll face the same problems as she did?
d) What are the possibilities that you are the rebound girl?
e) What are the possibilities that he's using you to get back at his ex?
These are all things you have to think about. If after all this, you are still attracted to this guy, then, go for it.
Everybody deserves love, and who knows, maybe he is your soulmate.
Good luck hun,
keep us updated.
Love & Light
M
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): They have only been separated for a month, who is the quick one here?? Keep away until a good time has gone between, maybe 6 months and they are not back together, then think about it, but now is too soon. He is in the rebound stage and you may not like how this turns out. I personally wouldnt go near him if he was my friends ex, loyalty and all that, but hey that is me.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): I agree with Daniel up to a point.
I'd need a bit more info on how you came to be under the same roof in the first place, and why they went their separate ways to give a constructive opinion but:
If you can agree to have a 'friends with benefits' situation then I don't see much harm in it. You're both presently unattached human beings and have sexual needs, and if you can satisfy each other's needs then fine. Everyone wins.
The big problem would be keeping it all secret from your friend. If she's gone past caring what he does it won't hurt her, and it won't matter. If he's gone past caring for her it won't bother him either.
It might be an idea to ask her in a hypothetical manner how she would feel if he found someone else whilst they are going through this split, and take your cue from that. If she couldn't give a damn what he does then go ahead and make it public if you want to. Just tread carefully around the edges, if you get what I mean.
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): That would be ultra bitch seriously. Dont do itI would even move out i mean why do u want to continue living with your friends ex husband? seems a lil odd doesnt it anonymous
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): It is definatley hurtfull for someone to date your ex, srry...HUSBAND! Can you imagine your best mate dating your ex husband after a month? And being a woman you should also understand how womans minds somtimes work... i.e move out, get a reaction and hopefully rekindle the lost love? ring any bells? it may be wrong, but it may also be her thought process.A definate no no in my opinion unless you want your friend to no longer be a friend?Follow your heart but also keep your head in tact!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 You should stay away from him.I think it wouldn't be nice if you slept with the husband of a friend who gave you a place to live.And then, he only separated from her. He has unfinished business with her. You might be his rebound. And you don't want to get caught in the middle of the problems between two persons who are getting a divorce.
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