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... Send *ittleAlfie a private message | | | *ittleAlfie's profile: Little Alfie will suffice as far as names go. In my lifetime I've been a part of many types of relationships, and I've come to find that each one is as individual as a snow flake. There are many columnists out there who tend to generalize relationships based on simplistic personal views. However, we all know that everyone has their own set of circumstances. I have no training as a counseler, and can garauntee nothing. I can only lend a sympathetic ear and an objective eye to your individual needs and experiences.
Personally, I'm in a process to correct my own mistakes. Most people will tell you that a habitual or serial cheater can not change, but I'm living proof that they can. I now believe in soulmates and the unconditional power and strength of true love. My individual goal from being a part of this site is to find atonement by aiding those of similar beliefs.
Everyone is capable of change, and when that change occurs, everyone is entitled to true love. |
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| Latest articles: Reflections of a Cheater: Hope Is On The Horizon
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
28 August 2010: Downtown is quiet today. Of course, there is the light roar of a car passing on the street behind me, but overlooking the river, feeling the warm wind around me, and hearing the slap of the water against it's banks, this may as well be a tranquil ...
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Considering all peoples' feelings makes it difficult to determine the right thing here...
Q. So six months ago, me and my girlfriend of nearly 2 years split up for good. She’s written me out of her life, found a new group of friends so we wouldn’t ever cross paths, and in most aspects, will not acknowledge my existence. I can’t blame her, ...
A. 19 February 2011: It would be fine, only she left me, you see. I lied and kept terrible secrets. I cheated. The fact is, though, I never felt that my needs weren't met or that there actually was bad in the previous relationship. As time goes on, I've come to terms ... (read in full...)
Is a cheater always a cheater?
Q. do u think once a cheater is always a cheater? thanks for ur comments in advance....
A. 18 February 2011: Cheaters can certainly change if they want to. I know, from personal experience, that if they mess up bad enough, they'll straighten out. They have to be truly punished, mind you, to learn anything from it. For example, falling truly in love, and ... (read in full...)
For men: Is it physical or personality?
Q. I have a question for men and women. What do men find sexy, or what attracts them to a woman? Is it mostly physical, is it personality, etc...? ...
A. 22 November 2010: A lot of people would like to claim that the primal sexual urge of men is dominant. Let's say the most sexually attractive and available woman in the room gets the night.
I am most certainly disinclined to believe that. It is true, there must be ... (read in full...)
Is he my friend or is there something more there?
Q. he is very sweet and very confident in what he is doing very helpful and goes that extra mile for me. looks like he cares for me and doesn't want to see me unhappy and he does his best to make me normal... even helps my boy friend, family etc....
A. 22 November 2010: Actually, this seems fairly simple. I do believe he has an interest in you. And since he's that rare breed of decent man, he will not act on it, knowing you're in a relationship.
What's most revealing about this is your insight to HIM. If I may... (read in full...)
She says I'm not a man because I'm sensitive!
Q. hello guys i need help with my gf now for the past year and 4 months i've always been lovey dovey with my gf and she was happy that i was i know i never smothered her but just recently she says she wants a "MAN" and being lovey dovey and ...
A. 22 November 2010: Women need men like you. They require a sensitive chap who will listen to their problems, and I mean REALLY listen. But here's the catch. She needs you to be her "Superman". You can't be so sensitive that you lose touch with your masculinity. That ... (read in full...)
She wants to open the relationship to other guys
Q. For readers who aren't aware, my girlfriend of two years left me about 6 weeks ago because I was unfaithful. While I was not sexually promiscuous, I had a habit of pushing the lines of flirting until a girl sent me nude photos last November. My ...
A. 14 October 2010: Thanks for taking the time to respond. Well, the relationship, so far as our being a couple goes, has been over. She has admitted that she's still romantically in love with me. And obviously it's the same on my end. I'm trying very hard to let her ... (read in full...)
Since our break up I feel so alone. I know he still loves me so how can we make this work?
Q. Hi, I'm a mess, me and my ex were together nearly two years, were engaged ready to move in together, had found a flat but about 4 weeks ago he ended it. We had been arguing for a while over small petty things but as we are both stubborn the row...
A. 19 September 2010: Breaking up with someone you were so close to can be extremely difficult, taxing you both emotionally and physically. Especially considering you were together for two years of your life, it's natural to miss someone so much it hurts.
Unfor... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm taking what he said in the worst way...
Q. My bf and I have been broken up for 5 weeks and we were together for 2 years. We hung out this past Tuesday night for 5 hours, talking. It was amazing and he poured his feeling out to me and he told me how much he misses me and how much he thinks ...
A. 19 September 2010: I'm a firm believer in giving your partner space when they need it. Of course, worst case scenario, this is his way of putting you on the back burner so he can see if there's anything else out there for him. On the other hand, he may just need to ... (read in full...)
Is this love haunted?
Q. I have a bf that refuses to let go of a female who once was the reason we had a break up about. He cheated on me and left me for her and then left her and came back to me, he made a mistake and regrets it....now 5 years later she is still in the ...
A. 20 August 2010: I've been in his position before. Let me assure you that if he loves you, he's making a giant mistake keeping her around. Particularly if he's left you for her once before. I understand what it is to have a good friend in an ex, but the fact is that ... (read in full...)
After all the hurt he has caused my family, should I confess my infidelity now?
Q. I have been with the same man for 9 years, married 5yrs. I had fallen in love with the man of my dreams. Very supportive, great father and all around good husband (that's just what I thought). 3 months ago, out of the blue, he confessed he had been...
A. 20 August 2010: Absolutely. Especially if the two of you are attempting to reconcile. The only real start to a healing process is exposing everything so the wound can be cleaned.
There's really little consolation that can be offered in a situation like this. Th... (read in full...)
Why is he so jealous and insecure?
Q. hello, most likely there's some questions about this.. but i really need some advice here. My boyfriend... (who i've been dating for 2 years now) is a very very jealous guy. i've never given him any reasons to not trust me or anything. i'm with him ...
A. 20 August 2010: I suppose I was a bit vague with that statement, and I'm sorry.
Let me elaborate. I used to, and sometimes still do, suffer from from similar insecurity issues, and it cost me some really good relationships. The thing about an insecure man is t... (read in full...)
Why is he so jealous and insecure?
Q. hello, most likely there's some questions about this.. but i really need some advice here. My boyfriend... (who i've been dating for 2 years now) is a very very jealous guy. i've never given him any reasons to not trust me or anything. i'm with him ...
A. 19 August 2010: There's really little you can do to cope. Insecurities in men often times are deep rooted, and it's so common for us to surpress those insecurities. We want to be your superman. The problem is that we tend to neglect the fact that we need to open up ... (read in full...)
Need Some Encouragement...
Q. I just need some encouragement from anyone... I finally got up the courage to ask the ex what he wanted from me, and he said he wasn't ready to give all of himself to me (due to all the hrs at work, and some trust issues). I totally understa...
A. 18 August 2010: Well if you can't wait, then you simply can't wait. The fact is that if you're feeling this way, you may not be as interested as you thought. Patience is key in any developing relationship, whether it be brand new or an attempt at rekindling an old ... (read in full...)
What can I do to let her know I still care for her?
Q. My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 and a half weeks ago because I was unfaithful. We still speak regularly and have remained close even in this difficult time. Just last night I brought a television stand to her house, put it together, ad set her ...
A. 17 August 2010: That was me. And I want to thank all, er most, for your positive reinforcement and advice.
As for those who believe people don't change, I feel it incumbent upon myself to let you know, from personal experience, you are part of the problem,... (read in full...)
Sexual addiction??
Q. Sexual Addiction? Anyone out there have a sexual addiction that has caused a lot of pain and distrust between you and your partner? Did you get help? Can a person in this situation change? Can a partner trust again? Did therapy help? Love to ...
A. 16 August 2010: Sexual addiction ranges on a pretty wide spectrum. Personally, my addiction wasn't so much the sexual interaction, but an addiction to the thrill of new and different sexual partners. The more disconnected, the better. For me, it cost me the first ... (read in full...)
Is it a relationship or just sex?
Q. I met up with a guy after contacting him via an 'Adult' dating website, whilst I wasn't looking for a relationship from this website (I'm on traditional dating site, looking for the LTR) this one was just about the sex. During our swapping of e-ma...
A. 16 August 2010: Well should you decide to move on so early on, it's safe to assume you'd get past these feelings relatively fast. If that's the route you choose, you may find yourself stronger, and perhaps even find a relationship without so many complications. So ... (read in full...)
A question about precum?
Q. This is probably a rhetorical question but is there any way to control precum? I seem to be getting it even just when kissing with my girlfriend, it can get to a point where it can be a bit embarrassing....
A. 16 August 2010: I'm not a doctor, but it's my understanding that a little bit is natural. It's your bodys way of preparing for intercourse. It can even happen during a simple hug. It's your bodys natural lubricant. Even still, wear a condom, because it is not ... (read in full...)
Out of love? Sick of me?
Q. my boyfriend doesn't show much affection now compared before. we've been together for years.he doesn't cuddle or kiss me. he's like staying away from me. he prefer to have more time with his friends than to me. is he out of love? or he is just sick ...
A. 16 August 2010: Perhaps you can get involved with his games as well. Video games are something men of all ages and maturity levels enjoy. Even some women. If you haven't given an honest crack at it, try getting him to teach you how to become interested. It'll help ... (read in full...)
How I can show her I can change and that I can be a different and better person for her?
Q. I'm admittedly a "recovering habitual cheater". Since I began dating I'm high school, I can not think of a single relationship I've had where I did not betray my partner's trust. About a year and a half ago, I fell in love with someone. ...
A. 16 August 2010: Thanks everyone for the positive and practical answers. I know I've hurt her, perhaps irreparably. However, I still feel as though were meant to be together and believe she does too. She told me despite this shell always loves me but can't risk her ... (read in full...)
Amazing guy, second date. Do it or make him wait?
Q. Hi all, Well I need a little bt of advice so here goes. On Thursday, after a night out with the girls, I came home a little tipsy, wide awake, nothing on TV, and I decided to phone a chatline. (sad I know, but we've all been there?) Anywa...
A. 16 August 2010: The simple fact is that withholding sex, I find, neither damages or improves the likelihood of a romantic connection. If the chemistry is there, it's there, and there's no sense in denying it. What you should focus more sharply on is the overall ... (read in full...)
Need advice on sexual positions, I am short 5' 1/2" he is tall 6' 7"??
Q. So the guy i am talking to is a whole 6'7'' and i am only 5'1/2'' so we tried to have sex and it was completely awkward. i need help on how to not make it so awkward and let him enjoy it! Please Help me! ...
A. 16 August 2010: From personal experience, there's nary a such thing as a "bad position" if the sexual chemistry is there. Truly the only awkward one is basic missionary with him on top. Even then, I've never found it personally distracted to have my ladys heavy ... (read in full...)
Out of love? Sick of me?
Q. my boyfriend doesn't show much affection now compared before. we've been together for years.he doesn't cuddle or kiss me. he's like staying away from me. he prefer to have more time with his friends than to me. is he out of love? or he is just sick ...
A. 16 August 2010: I've been guilty of this more than once. There really is nothing you can do, but take solace in knowing that it doesn't necessarily mean he's fallen out of love. He could have a lot on his mind, but may not want to share. That's okay and being ... (read in full...)
Sex was two minutes. He asked me to call the next day but no reply, is he avoiding me cause hes overly ashamed?
Q. [OP original title] Ive posted this pretty much before but there was more to it and needed an opinion. I went on a date w/ this guy.We had ALOT of sexual tension - just super attracted to each other and enjoyed each others company and it seem...
A. 16 August 2010: He may just simply be busy. Patience is your best friend right now. Try not texting him. I'm sure he'll get back to you eventually. Until then, talk to some friends or go out. Keep yourself busy. When he contacts you again, play the situation down. ... (read in full...)
Why do I push them away?
Q. [OP original title] Ok....here I go. About two years ago I got my heart torn apart. It took sometime but im finaly tring to put it all behind me. I've started talking and seeing other women. But everytime I meet someone and things progress, I ...
A. 16 August 2010: This sounds simply like you're filling a void with things that, though they're good, ultimately can not satisfy you. Take it from someone who's been there: if you continue on this path, it will lead to other serious issues when you finally do fall ... (read in full...)
He's really annoying me and I don't know why. but I still care about him
Q. ok, so i'm 18 and i've been talking to this boy for three months nbow.. and he's really nice and sweet but might be a little bit clingy because he's not really been in a real relationship. he's going off to colege in two days and he's been trying to ...
A. 16 August 2010: I think a series of small conversations is key here. I'd start by explaining that you really appreciate your space. Tell him it's nothing he did, rather just who you are. If he can't respect that, then he'll probably continue pestering you. If he ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says its normal for men to cheat
Q. I always caught my boyfriend of 7 years cheating on me. I think he cheated on me 6 times or more. We already have a baby and I thought that he would change. Every time he is caught cheating he always says sorry and promises that he won't do it ...
A. 16 August 2010: People tend to put cheaters in a dirty little box and tuck them away. All these answers are consoling to say the least, but pretty broad. Seven years is a long time. Especially if he's been cheating virtually the entire time. But in some cases, ... (read in full...)
He needs time apart... I'm scared it will ruin us!
Q. SO boyfriend broke up with me we have been togethe for 3 years, i am going to throw it out there bc i have been askign my friends for advise i need a strangers help. thing is that i got pretty annoying and desperate bc i realized i can lose him! i ...
A. 16 August 2010: Oh, and there's nothing wrong with a guy with body hair. If you don't appreciate it, there are girls out there who do. ... (read in full...)
He needs time apart... I'm scared it will ruin us!
Q. SO boyfriend broke up with me we have been togethe for 3 years, i am going to throw it out there bc i have been askign my friends for advise i need a strangers help. thing is that i got pretty annoying and desperate bc i realized i can lose him! i ...
A. 16 August 2010: Space is probably your best bet here. And I mean absolute space. Texts, emails, phonecalls, they should all be put on the backburner. Simply because you're risking nagging him away. I know it sounds harsh but it's the way men think. My simple ... (read in full...)
How can I get my boyfriend to kiss me and want me more?
Q. My bf loves me very much an me too.... i'm 100% sure he loves me and cares for me... he doesn't hide things with me.... it has been for 4 months we are still together. We have never fought, never argued, we both are emo... if he's sad,i'll be SAD. ...
A. 15 August 2010: Practical answer: Draw more attention to your mouth in subtle ways. Biting your lip or touching your mouth or even eating something in a casual way.
That being said, emo boys are complex in nature, and there may be something heavy weighing... (read in full...)
Is it a relationship or just sex?
Q. I met up with a guy after contacting him via an 'Adult' dating website, whilst I wasn't looking for a relationship from this website (I'm on traditional dating site, looking for the LTR) this one was just about the sex. During our swapping of e-ma...
A. 15 August 2010: I've been that guy before. If he's anything like I was, he's a genuinely decent guy who is just looking for a way to fill the lonely points in his life. He's trying to make sure you don't feel used, so he treats you well and keeps the lines of ... (read in full...)
What are the qualities that attract and keep men?
Q. I want to know what a man looks for in a female. What are the qualities that attract and keep men. I have the physical side down, thanks to genetics and healthy eating. Although, I am disadvantaged due to the fact that I am not caucasian and have ...
A. 15 August 2010: Well, qualities vary from man to man. It's ultimately up to you to decide what sort of woman you are. It seems small minded, but everyone in relationships play up to gender roles. Some women prefer a man to be dominant, some prefer the opposite. And ... (read in full...)
She wants marriage and I don't!
Q. Hello! I'm 55 and she's 35 with 3 kids, we love each other and have been in this relationship for 14 months but she wants marriage and I don't. She'd become very upset when ever she asks me about getting married which she has done several times and ...
A. 15 August 2010: Well I'm sure at her stage in life, she's accustomed to a certain relationship with her friends, which should be understood and respected. When she goes on her silent treatments, use that opportunity to openly communicate with her. Take her hands ... (read in full...)
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