A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just need some encouragement from anyone...I finally got up the courage to ask the ex what he wanted from me, and he said he wasn't ready to give all of himself to me (due to all the hrs at work, and some trust issues). I totally understand he has a lot going on in his life with being a restaurant manager and a workaholic. I told him if he really wanted a relationship we could work something out together...I was already expecting the conversation to go like this. I had said that I cant handle being friends when we both want to hug/kiss every second when we see each other. I said I wanted a committed relationship or nothing at all...he said it wasn't fair of me to do that. I said I can't pretend I don't have feelings for you.Anyways, the night ended with his decision being as he wasn't ready (I'm assuming he expects me to wait around for him for when he IS ready, but I cant do that)I just need some encouragement here!!! If he does contact me, I think I will just tell him that since we want different things right now, I need time to myself to heal and live my life. A part of me still wants to keep him around in my life for no apparent reason...just to torture myself. But I have to be STRONG this time. I HAVE to. I can't put my life on hold for him. I need someone who knows without a doubt they want to be with me.Isn't there a saying that goes "if you love something set it free, if it comes back, it's yours and meant to be?"I guess only time will tell, but I dont have TIME to wait for that time to come...or maybe my patience is being tested. hmmAnyone care to add their comments/thoughts/experiences on my lovely situation? lol
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Time, tide and you wait around for nobody. If he gets his act together he can come see you. Til then, you are a free agent. Be fair to you and what you need out of life. If he can't deal, his loss!
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 One thing's for sure. If he feels anything for you, he'll be thinking about this conversation you had and he'll be thinking about it deeply. I'd say give it some time, you said he has trust issues and he's a workaholic. You ever stop to consider that he might be seeing problems in the future beforehand because he knows about his problems? I think he genuinely cares about you, he just knows that right now, in his life, he's not ready to be committed to someone yet.You're both right though. You can't keep waiting for this guy to come around but you weren't being fair when you gave him that choice. You both need some time alone to think and heal.I think if you really like this guy, you would just wait a little longer and see what he does, what kind of hints he give you about his direction in life. I wouldn't throw this away so quickly.I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Kelsey0316 +, writes (18 August 2010):
I think what your doing is right. As hard as it is to move on, you cant just wait around for someone who doesnt know what they want. You should work on what you want out of life, and like your quote, if you and him are ment to be, you'll find your way back to each other. Or maybe you'll find someone better. Just live your life to the fullest and see where it goes from there. good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, DiamondGirlx  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 you go girl!!
your absolutely right... how long you guna wait around for? it could be years before he decides he's ready to commit.. and what are you suppose to do pretend to be the doting friend until one day he wants to be more!!!!
its just not possible, be strong and try and just move on, (it will be hard) but i hope you can do it!
i understand why hes doing it aswell, obviously if he has his own issues he really wont be able to give you his all :(
think of it this way by the time you wait around, you might miss the opportunity for something bigger and better, or hopefully time on his own might make him realise how much he does want you
anyways whatever you decide best of luck chick xx
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A
male
reader, LittleAlfie +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Well if you can't wait, then you simply can't wait. The fact is that if you're feeling this way, you may not be as interested as you thought. Patience is key in any developing relationship, whether it be brand new or an attempt at rekindling an old one. Take the time to be friends and discuss things openly and frequently. I hate the "set it free" cliche, because cutting emotional ties is typically what people do to set someone free, and that could always leave you uncertain. I personally cheated on my girlfriend, so she may never see me in the same light again, but I've still sworn to wait as long as it takes, even if it is never, because that's how much she means to me. So you just need to use this awkward period to evaluate what this relationship could mean to you in the long run. Find out if you're really on the same level, or if you're soulmates. These things you can realize all during a friendship, as awkward as it can be. Steer clear of ultimatums and ploys to get him to agree with your way of thinking an your results will surely end up positive. Because no matter what, you'll end up with a very close friend.
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