A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello, most likely there's some questions about this.. but i really need some advice here. My boyfriend... (who i've been dating for 2 years now) is a very very jealous guy. i've never given him any reasons to not trust me or anything. i'm with him almost every day and i love it but when i go with friends he asks me a million questions, and that night he always gets mad at me for no reason.. he'll ask me about 20 times if i was with guys or even talked to them. when we text he always asks me what i'm doing and if i say i'm on the computer he'll get upset because he thinks i'm lurking guys on facebook. like he even gets upset when i just talk to guys.. it's awful, i'm one who's very against jealousy and i hate it so much, but i do love my boyfriend, he's wonderful and when were together i can never get enough of him.. please help me and maybe give me a couple of ideas of how i can cope with this!! :(
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female
reader, DearMe  +, writes (24 August 2010):
Well i have to say, thats not always true, Just because its happended to you TWICE, dosnt mean every jelous person is like this?
Being jelous isnt all a bad thing, it gets very annoying when some one is so jelous over you that they control you, thats a bad thing. But everyone feels jelousy at one point or another, If you watch your boyfriend/girlfriend hugging another girl or flirt (even in a very playful way), jelousy would take over because you no that they are holding you world they are holding the thing that you care most about, and shes enjoying his hugs that you to enjoy together so passionatly, you love them so much you want them all to yourself. Jealousy can be an awful thing, but all people have the emotion. Some just stronger than the other. It dosnt mean they dont even trust you, it jsut means they defianatly DONT want to share you. A little bit greedy, but thats perfectly normal.
A
male
reader, LittleAlfie  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 I suppose I was a bit vague with that statement, and I'm sorry.
Let me elaborate. I used to, and sometimes still do, suffer from from similar insecurity issues, and it cost me some really good relationships. The thing about an insecure man is that we tend to feel insecure even about being insecure. As I always say, we want to feel strong and be your superman. In my past experience, when approached about issues on my insecurities, I would shrink back, and if an attempt was made to boost my confidence, it felt as though it was simply as an act of pity, and I'd dismiss it or even become irritated at my lady for pointing out my failures. So it's a really slippery slope even trying to help a man in that situation. He needs to find the things in himself that make him a great catch, and it could teally help if you reinforce that with praise. There's little more you can do. Hes got to put forth the effort to love himeself. After all, it is SELF esteem
It's not a healthy situation for either of you, but if you really are in love, the both of you will pull trough.
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A
female
reader, zebralove +, writes (19 August 2010):
 I have to disagree with Dreame. Jalousy is not proof of how much a persone love you and doesnt want to lose you. Most of the time a jalous persone is afraide you do something they would do in your position. (By that i mean what he would do if he went out with his friends) Hi would talk and flirt with other girls. He probably does. They are the ones who cheat on you.
I say this be experience, twice to be exact. Now I dont ever date comeone who is jalous.
PS: There is a difrience between someone who is a little jalous if you gave him reason to be. Someone who is jalouse for no reason has problemes and thats never good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLittleAlfie- Thank you for trying to help! but i do the exact thing you said alot of times, i do everything i can. What do you mean by don't treat him like a child? could you explain that and maybe that could help me.. maybe i do treat him like a child??
Dearme- Thank you. He has explained to me the reason why he's so insecure, he said because of how much he needs me, he doesn't want me running off and finding someone new. I know myself that wont happen but i need him to know that too. I understand there isn't much to do but i need to find some way to help MYSELF. After reading your answer i do feel a little better, i'll just keep trying to think positive and know that he asks me because he cares. I have thought of that once, if he stopped all together, i would most likely miss it...
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A
female
reader, DearMe +, writes (19 August 2010):
Maybe he has been cheated on in the past? Really this just shows how much he loves you and how much he does not want to loose you. You should really be quite happy by it. But i understand it can get very frustrating when you know that you can trust youself, and wish he would trust you to, because you dont want him thinking of you so low. But if he stopped doing what he does. He stoped asking what you were up to or who you were with, The first thing that would come into your head is that he dosnt care anymore. He dosnt care who you hang with or who you talk to, even if you say you wouldnt think it ... you would. It would make you think if he still liked you as much as to care if he should be worrired about his girl. Hope i helped at all.
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A
male
reader, LittleAlfie +, writes (19 August 2010):
There's really little you can do to cope. Insecurities in men often times are deep rooted, and it's so common for us to surpress those insecurities. We want to be your superman. The problem is that we tend to neglect the fact that we need to open up to you.
He needs to address his insecurities on his own, but you can help. Perhaps when he's in a receptive and positive mood, you can open a conversation about it. Start by reassuring him that you're very satisfied in the relationship, but you would like to improve on a few things. This should relax him a little, because if a woman is willing to improve the relationship she's in, it makes us feel as though there's less chance shell look elsewhere. As you have this conversation, he should open up enough to tell you what eats at him and why. When he does, he'll be giving you a glimpse into his own insecurities, and you can find ways to ease that, which of course will motivate him to address his problems. Do not coddle him, and treat him like a child. Merely tell him why you love him. It'll go a long way.
Good luck, and I hope this helped.
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