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age
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writes: hello guys i need help with my gf now for the past year and 4 months i've always been lovey dovey with my gf and she was happy that i was i know i never smothered her but just recently she says she wants a "MAN" and being lovey dovey and sensitive(i'm that type of guy) makes me less of a man and she says i'm more of a girl and she can't say she loves me because of me being lovey dovey and sensitive and from that she only gets the feeling of us as friends. what happened to her? Did she just get bored of me? i need help please Reply to this Question
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reader, serenity80  +, writes (23 November 2010):
If you are saying I love you, and she is not responding back with the same, and you are trying to kiss her, and she doesn't kiss back then you ARE being too needy. Like I have already suggested, you need to take a step back somewhat and concentrate on YOU. You need to pursue some of your own interests. Spend more time with your friends, and becoming more attractive. Stop with the "I love you's" in fact, don't say it again until after she is ready to say it with you. It's good that you have got another chance with this girl.. but listen to the advice you have received and learn from your mistakes so far.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys now we're back together now and I'm happy but the only thing that bothers me is whenever I tell her I love her she doesn't say she loves me back now from the begininng I see I've changed a lot from the super lovey dovey very sensitive guy to being more assertive but my gf sees as me wanting a kiss or me holding her as me being to needy. I just want to make sense of the way she is acting and how I should respond anyways thanks guys your advice is really helpful
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): serenity80 is right, it's much easier to learn how to be a little bit more dominant and still remain nice. Than it is to be an asshole and learn how to care.
When the dust settles and you're over her, try asking her to explain to you in detail what it is that you can improve. Make sure she knows you merely want to know as a friend and it's not about getting back with her. I learned what I did wrong from my exes. I suffered from nice guy syndrome in my teens. I was the safe bet, the guy who was too respectful and wouldn't try to have my way with them. I learned a lot from my exes, I learned that not only was it not disrespectful to try it on in order to satisfy my own desires but it was expected and showed them a true form of masculine desire. I was so on their side that I didn't have my own side, I gave too much without taking. That's what friends do.
Lovers have to both selfish and selfless in equal measure. There are times when women just want be led and swept away, taken along by a guy who knows who he is, is confident and self assured. Someone who is strong willed and willing to stand up for what he believes in the relationship. Not cede to every demand or say yes to every request.
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reader, serenity80 +, writes (22 November 2010):
I agree totally with Cerberus. I've found the same in relationships. I tend to be "sensitive" but have equalled it out with "masculine" traits. I maintain a strong identity outside of my relationship - for example, I am constantly working at improving myself both at work, physically and emotionally. Every now and again I find my girlfriend will "test" me. It's ok to fail a test every now and again but if you arn't man enough for her she'll just end up seeing you like a gay best friend, or a little brother. And I think this is what has happened with you.
You're a young guy and you've got some learning to do, but you're in a good position now because you're essentially a nice guy that wants to be a great boyfriend. You just have to work on yourself and develop being a man - a strong person, a leader and someone who people can admire. This is a much better position to be in than being an asshole to mistreats women but has to learn to try to become more sensitive and caring to hold on to a girlfriend or have some kind of meaningful relationship.
Put this one down to experience buddy and everything will work out fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): She's just that type of girl, the type that wants to be swept away by a guy who takes charge. One that dominates.
Being sensitive and lovey dovey is not necessarily bad but you have to balance that out with some masculine traits too.
It's not really a good sign that she sees you as friend material but not relationship material because you're too sensitive. Girls want a guy with a bit of an edge too. I'm a sensitive enough guy but I'm careful to balance that out with some masculine traits. You know women want guys that understand and empathize with them and how they're feeling but only to a point. There is a point where that becomes a feminine trait, you might aswell be their girlfriend at that stage.
If you're too sensitive then you lose your manliness a bit. You lose that strength and dominance factor that is inherent in our gender role. Women want to feel secure and protected, physically, emotionally and mentally by their boyfriend. There are just certain things that are expected of us as men. I know I'm making a very broad generalization here and it doesn't work for a lot of girls. but the majority of women I've dated and know want a strong independent man. One that understands and sympathizes with them but also one who will stand up for himself and distance himself from her emotions at times.
If you're too lovey dovey and sensitive then you probably bend over backwards to give her what she wants and never demand anything in return, give too much of yourself and not take control. That doesn't work with most women, they see you as a doormat and there's no fun and excitement.
The majority of girls I know want a guy who will take what he wants from them as well as giving them what they want. A man who will take charge at times and will say "no" every once and a while.
While gender roles are changing and women are gaining more and more power in our society it is easy to lose track of our traditional roles. Indeed it is good that women can assert themselves more but don't take that as a sign that they don't want a guy to be dominant in certain respects. Women, for the most part, are still very attracted to powerful dominant males. Men comfortable with that role and men that are assertive. You can still be sensitive too, but you have to have a certain level of self assertion or you'll just be perceived as a walkover.
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reader, LittleAlfie  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Women need men like you. They require a sensitive chap who will listen to their problems, and I mean REALLY listen. But here's the catch. She needs you to be her "Superman". You can't be so sensitive that you lose touch with your masculinity. That sense in you to protect her. Now how you handle that sense is up to you, but I am fully confident that it exists.
Next time you listen to her, try to find a way to address her concerns in a practical way rather than an emotional way. Be strong for her. Our ladies are our jewels, and though we treasure them dearly, we must also protect them.
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reader, Rastaban +, writes (22 November 2010):
Being lovey dovey and sensitive certainly does not make you less of a man. In fact, I think the manliest men are the ones that can be strong AND lovey dovey/sensitive. Some women just don't respect that until they are treated like a doormat and have their lives ruined. Once they get out then maybe they will have gratitude.
Don't let any woman tell you what makes you a man and what doesn't make you a man. You know what makes you a man. Maybe you need to find someone who appreciates you for who you are.
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