A
female
age
30-35,
*irl89
writes:I always caught my boyfriend of 7 years cheating on me. I think he cheated on me 6 times or more. We already have a baby and I thought that he would change. Every time he is caught cheating he always says sorry and promises that he won't do it again. I always forgive him but it hurts remembering all the things he had done to me. I feel so stupid, weak, and raged in madness inside. But I don't know what to do. I love him and when I approach and ask him why he cheats, he's in denial and tells me that the girls he cheated with was nothing to him. How could I say he's telling the truth to me? I don't trust him anymore because it hurts but we're still together now. How could I fix things up? I'm so confused and it's really difficult trusting him again. The worst thing is that they had sex on the latest girl he cheated with. I also found out that he had another account in a social networking site which I don't know. And there, I saw messages from his ex and some new girls he was asking for mobile number. Is my guy a player?? He also assured me that if he really didn't love me, he would have left me a long time ago..and that it's normal for guys to cheat.so what the hell is that?!
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cheated on me, his ex, player Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LittleAlfie  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 People tend to put cheaters in a dirty little box and tuck them away. All these answers are consoling to say the least, but pretty broad. Seven years is a long time. Especially if he's been cheating virtually the entire time. But in some cases, cheating is more or less an addiction to the thrill. If you truly want to ignore the masses and stick with him, there's good news. He CAN change. The bad news is it has to be his choice. In all your anger, rage, and emotion, he may have felt cornered and felt lying was the best method. Instead, try opening up a dialogue with him. Try to dig deep and find out WHY he's cheating and it may be something for you both to use as a relationship strengthener. Contrary to popular belief, he CAN love you and still do that. You've just got to figure out if you want to help him fix his problem or let him go. But remember, he's got to want to fix it. It's like any other addiction. I'm going through recovery myself, but it doesn't make my answer any less true. Good luck to the both of you and let me know if you find any hope in the situation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): I think your boyfriend wants to end the relationship sounds like he is never going to stop cheating If he really love u he would just stop cheating and work things out with u. U should end the relationship -u are going thru emotional abuse by your boyfriend BREAK-UP find another Bfriend
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): Why on earth did you have a baby with someone who keeps cheating on you? You should've broken up with his ass six years ago! You made it easy for him to cheat because you kept taking him back. You made matters worse by letting him impregnate you and now you're trapped with this sucker. Instead of trying to fix this mess of a relationship, fix yourself and dump his lying behind.
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A
female
reader, aela +, writes (15 August 2010):
 I think your boyfriend is full of **** and you know what you must do. You may see a mountain of pain in front of you and you are still clinging to the false hope that he will change. He won't and that mountain of pain - long journey of recovering, will be far less high and long once you start heading in that direction, the direction of recovery. You can and will do better. I can see you in the future, driving in your car, looking out the window and thinking to yourself....I am so glad I'm no longer in that situation, I am so happy now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): I'm sorry, I know this must be really hard. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. He wants to play the feild, but also have you there... Just incase he can't find anyone new to play with one night. It sounds to me like he doesn't even care that he cheats. Cheating is just not on. After seven years, I don't think he's going to change. He know he can get away with it now... So why would he stop? In his mind he can do whatever he wants with who ever he wants, and you'll still be there. He doesn't deserve you... And you certainly don't deserve to be cheated on and lied to again and again.
Would you ever cheat on him? I presume no! So why should you sit there and allow yourself to be used and abused.
If he really loved you... He wouldn't cheat on you!
I know it would be hard to leave... But if you stay, then I really don't think things will change no matter how many times you tell him how much it's hurting you!
I'm sorry... If you need anymore help you can email me here.
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A
female
reader, girl89 +, writes (15 August 2010):
girl89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your responses. It really means a lot to me especially in decision making. I'm really depressed and I don't know what to. You're all right about what you said. I guess I'm like this because he's my first boyfriend and it's so hard to let go. It's so unfair because I had been committed to him but he's not. I'm really scared of that STd thing..hope it won't happen to me.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 Cheating is not ok. And it's not normal for guys. You have every right to throw this guy out of your house.
From his behaviour it sounds like he's not sorry for what he did, and that he'll keep doing it. It also sounds like he expects you to forgive him each time, so he believes he will continue to get away with it.
You need to decide: are you ok with staying with a guy that you know will continue to cheat, or do you deserver better?
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 You have a baby and he's cheating on you? Again and again? There's no reason for you to stay with him anymore. You need to find someone who won't do this kind of thing to you or your kid.
I hope that helps.
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female
reader, wee_neko +, writes (15 August 2010):
I think after seven years of being cheated on you know the answer to your question.
I can't say whether or not its normal for men to cheat. Regardless, you do not need to take that. You should not have to go through such emotional upheaval on a regular basis, or at all really. While a lot of people might say you should stay together to provide a stable home for your child, if you are financially stable enough I would advise you to break it off with him. However, I'm a firm believer in the idea that a child would be healthiest coming from a happy home instead of one in which he/she gets to see unhealthy interactions between parents.
Your boyfriend seems to have a serious pattern of cheating. Leave him now before you waste more time on a guy who doesn't care enough for you.
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (15 August 2010):
If you dont't have trust you don't have anything. There is NOTHING for you to fix up. Seems he is the one who is BROKEN. He may have an addiction to attention or some problem with commitment or intimacy ( sharing his feelings )
Either way - you deserve better - at least 6 cheats in 7 yrs and you had his baby? You are lucky you didn't marry his cheating ass.
And his comment that all guys cheat and that he woulda left long ago if he didnt want to be with you?
Not correct! All guys do not cheat only those whose women put up with it - AND he stays because he knows you will take him back because YOU are trying to FIX things and he doesnt need to AND because he knows there are probably NO other women that would put up with it that easily!
Not to be mean - but I have sure been there - Kick his cheating ass out - concentrate on you and the baby - and a real man will eventually come your way - and you know what?
You will see you dont NEED a man and you will see him as a hamster on a wheel -
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 Some guys cheat for many reasons but a lot dont. In my opinion its not ok to cheat in a comitted relationship, especially after 7 years.
If there are problems in the relationship prior to cheating then he / you should either fix them or get out.
Look at it this way if he cheats on you then he will cheat on anyone. Hes being very irresponsible too, if you still have a sexual relationship with him then who knows what he is bringing back such as STD's or even HIV, is that really worth the risk?
He really cant respect or appreciate you if hes cheating. He may well be a player.
Dont feel stupid you have every right to feel hurt.
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