A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my partner for a year now, we get on so well, have a laugh, have a good love life, always telling one another we love each other... everything is perfect apart from one thing, i have really bad trust issues. before him i got hurt and my heartbroken and i find it so hard to trust ever since. i accuse my boyfriend of cheating sometimes, i always think hes lying to me, i get paranoid when he has to work nights, me and him have spoke about this, he said it hurts i find it hard to trust him but he understands why because he knows all about my past and he said he aint going anywhere and he said hes going to help me get better. its weird because although i think hes cheating, i know deep down he wouldnt do that when i think about it, but in the end the doubts always come back. i hate being like this, because i love him so much and i know that eventually he will get fed up and leave me if i carry on. i know people say 'if you aint got trust, you got nothing' but we do have some trust, he trusts me 100% and i trust him about 55%. we have spoke about this and he just really wants me to learn to trust him more, but he said i have to do that myself because he cant prove to me more than he already has how much he loves me. do you have any advice on how i can get better? i have no idea how to get better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advice, it has made me think. xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): You dont need to get better because theres nothing wrong with you. How you are feeling is very common and perfectly understandable. You say yourself that deep down you know you can trust him. And hes there wanting to prove to you that you can.
Your problems arent with him. They are with your ex partner. Im guessing you werent able to sort things out with him and obtain proper closure. You need to do this so you can move on properly x
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 You will have to learn to trust him like a baby learning to walk. Sometimes , the baby falls down and you need to give him a helping hand.
He may not know where are your limits and boundaries as you cannot explain everything in one go. So you walk hand in hand and if one falls, the other would help him to get up.
reference:-
http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/tp/How-to-Build-Trust.htm
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A
female
reader, kahlan +, writes (15 March 2010):
 It really does take time.My ex cheated on me again and again.It totally destroyed my self esteem and trust in men.When i met my current partner it took me a long time to believe him when he said he wouldnt hurt me.I did all the things you are doing and more, unconciously pushing him to prove to myself that i was right about all men being lying toerags, but he stuck by me.Now i trust him 100% and we've been together 10 years.Im suprised i didnt push him away.You wont be able to trust overnight, but try not to push him away.It,s not worth ruining what could be a promising relationship just because one idiot couldnt keep it in his pants.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Give it time. You are slowly piecing yourself back together, which is good. Just have faith that he loves you and cares for you, and would hate to see you hurt. Not all men are cheaters. Good luck x
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