A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyoneWell I would just like some opinions views from people, maybe if anyone has been in the same boat as me? I am 27 years old and for the past few years I turned into quite a party animal and I'd say maybe went off the rails a bit. I drank FAR too much every weekend, would stay out, wake up in the morning cringing as to what had happened maybe the night before. I suppose I craved attention as I was a little bit lonely so always met the wrong type of guy and it never lasted. I dread to think how other people saw me when I was out drunk. Sometimes i'd say stupid things or crave attention from these immature guys when I was drunk. I have always worried what people thought of me so god knows why I then would do it week in week out. Anyway I suppose I have had a bit of a wake up call, I figured I was living quite a meaningless life that wasn't making me happy and the only person to blame was me. So I am turning my life around. I have stopped going to these places getting silly drunk, I enjoy going for dinner now with my friends and having a civilised evening or catching up round their houses. I have cut these immature men out my life and am starting to feel much happier in myself. I still am not quite there in thinking I deserve a nice man yet but I know one day soon I will. But my problem is I still worry so much about what people think of me, and If they will always think of me as a drunk party animal even though I havent been doing it for months now. But I lay awake sometimes at night just thinking and worrying about what everyone thinks of me and who I may have annoyed in the past.Do you think this will fade? Has anyone had a similar experience?Thanks in advance x
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female
reader, KittieS +, writes (17 October 2011):
 I went off the rails after the end if a very bad relationship, and cringe - only person I was hurting was myself.
Occasionally the monster does appear, but you know it's not the real you.
We all do things that we regret, but those things do make us the person we are today.
Head up, think about the new you and love yourself - once you love yourself other good people will love you back.
It just takes time, but it does happen!
A
female
reader, kahlan +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Hello, It's been a long time since i answered a letter with any advice, but you really struck a chord with me-I hpoe i can help, even a little! I have been in you're shoes. Drugs was my thing instead of drink and i did alot of things i am ashamed of. i went to rehab in 2000 where i learned alot about myself. Like you i am a people pleaser.We worry about what other people think, when the only people that matter are any close friends that you may have embarressed while drunk and most imortant of all is yourself. You're friends- apologise once,you can't live always worrying about what people think. If they don't forgive you then move on, hard as it sounds, though i take it the friends you have now know about you're past and accept you, so you can't be that bad a person-can you?As i said though the most important thing here is to forgive yourself. Is it so essential that everyone likes you? Not everyone gets on. What exactly have you done that is so bad anyway? Got pissed? Embarressed yourself a few times? Reading between the lines-perhps had a few 1 night stands? It's all in you're past! To answer you're question, yes you will get passed this-once you manage to stop punishing yourself. It sounds like you're a different lassie to the one from just a few months ago. I'm glad you're happier in yourself as thats half the battle. When i was using drugs, i worked on the streets for 9 months. When i got clean i felt so dirty, showered up to 5 times a day, and became bulemic and anorexic(which is all about feeling you have control). I managed to overcome the feelings of worthlessness. From the age of 15 when i met my 1st serious boyfriend,every reltionship i had was physically and mentally abusive. I felt that was all i was worth. Then i met my current partner. He's no walkover but is loving and caring, gentle and patient. I've made him sound like a saint-which he definatly isn't,he drives me nuts sometimes-just a normal guy.At 1st i didn't believe he was for real,then i didn't think i was good enough for him.He knows about my past but doesn't bring it up,though he used to let me cry and talk it out, when i used to ask him why he was with me. 11 years we've been together and love each other,and we're trying for a baby. If I can get a good man, so can you!You can't change you're past, but you need to believe you deserve a good future. Like the ad says "You're worth it!" I wish you all the luck in the world. Love Kahlan.XXX.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): Yes, it will fade with time. You may find new friends, too, if they continue to party and you don't.
I think it is very comendable of you that you are turning your life around. It is hard to see our own errors sometimes. It is very possible that people who have known you will think "she used to be a crazy party-girl, but she really turned herself around." If you can keep on track, you are much more likely to to earn respect by your current actions than gain annoyance from your past. Of course, if you run into people who do not witness this change will not know and still see you as you were.
Another thing, in addiction rehabilitation one of the steps is apology. Apologizing to people you hurt by your behavior. If you feel that you have hurt anyone, it may be good to make amends.
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