A
female
age
41-50,
*nfaithful2071
writes:I'm a mess! I reconnected w/a old high school sweet heart. We were both married w/children and love our spouse. In high school we dated for a year and then I called it off. We talked for a month almost every night for hours. We agree to meet and one thing let to another... we saw each other for 3 years every chance we got. He lives in another state so it was very hard. All the old feeling I had for him came back double time... Its been 8 months since I called it off and now I can't seem to let him go. I think about him every day.. I even pick the phone up to call him but hang up. I don't know how to move past this. I'm trying to make things work w/my husband, and rebuild what we had. But, I miss him so much! He hasn't reached out to me, so I guess he's over it. I want to know why can't I do the same thing. There's much much more to this story... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, unfaithful2071 +, writes (23 February 2010):
unfaithful2071 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@anonymous-His wife caught us 3 times in the pass 3 years..she's even called me. But, no matter how many times we got caught the affair continued. I know what we were doing was wrong..but when we were together he made me feel special..something my husband stop doing. I love my husband and hate that I broke our wedding vows but at the time I wasn't thinking about that.Since I've been seeing him I've called it off about a dozen times, but we always ended right back were we started. He would call or I would call to see how things were going. He doesn't want to leave his wife because of there son and I understand that. I couldn't see leaving my husband my daughter would be heart broken. I just wish I could stop thinking about him and stop wondering what he doing and if he miss me like I miss him. I've been trying really heart to make things work w/my husband and its been good. The sex w/him has always been great. He knows something is going on but his thing is if I want to tell him I will. I just cant do that...I've always tried to be the perfect wife and that part of me is gone in my eyes.To make it even worse..I sent my friend an e-mail last friday. one simple phrase.."do u think about me" well he open it last night and call my cell 3min later. I didn't hear my phone ring and I didn't call him back. But I was so excited to see his name pop up on my phone. He didn't leave a message...now the question is should i call him back?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): It's funny, i currently am going through pretty much the same thing, Been married for 8 years together for 14 have children. Met someone sparks flew fell in love, seriously after quite consideration i know it was love . We have been apart for 8 months and he is single. I wonder all the time if he thinks of me, but then i say how could he not. I believe that when you have a bond with someone that matches your every level it is just too hard to break. I currently wish i could love my husband, but it is just not the same. I was with the other guy for 8 months before we got caught. I think of him allllll the time, and wonder why my feelings have not subsided. I think that it is the illusion that i fell in love with. I would not wish what we are going through on anyone. And no one could ever understand, little do they know until they have walked in our shoes. I would say keep a journal get your feelings out, however, that would be easy for your husband to find and read. I decided to seek therapy, not because i want him back, but to move past this. It is like a drug, you want to be wanted and needed and they filled that void. That was my reasoning. I felt as though my husband was perfectly fine with out me ,and he did not need me. Well i can say that the pain will not subside until you try to understand it . I would take a long walk and clear your head what is it about this man that you need ? miss? i wish you the best ,as i know how painful this is. It is the worst pain i have ever gone through. if you want to try to help eachother respond back to your question, and we can go back and forth with our situations!
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A
female
reader, kahlan  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 Because your lover lived in another state, when you did get together it was probably exciting-meeting up for sex with no responsibilities. If you were together you would have the same responsibilities you have with your husband and real life would get in the way again.
If you really want to make a go at things with your husband you need to try harder at bringing more excitment into your relationship. Does he know about your lover? If not then sit down and tell him you miss the spice that every relationship starts with-even if he does know you could still have the same conversation.
You need to decide if you really want to be with your husband.Think really hard.Are you using your lover as an excuse to escape?If you want to make a go of it, the relationship deserves you giving it 100%, otherwise your not being fair to him.
Let your lover get on with his life,to make a go of it properly with his family as this is obviously what he wants.
I honestly wish you the best of luck and all the happieness in the world.
Kahlan.
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