A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,My girlfriend (22)and I (26) have been together for almost two years. Things were great in the beginning, but we've had problems with her pulling her own weight and looking for a job throughout our relationship. I work and there were times it felt like I had to be her parent. Its like after she moved in with me during the first 5 months we had problems. I have doubts about whether we will work out or not. There are times I feel that she lies about looking for jobs and whatnot just so I won't break up with her. Recently I went to help a friend work on a house, I came home to her on laptop. I asked her if she looked for job or anything and she changed her story twice. There are times she will do really good by helping out around house, cooking and looking for job. But then she gets lazy once in a while and house is untidy. So I got mad said it was over and then went online. I ended up watching and flirting with girls on some live cam chat room. I figured that since me and my girlfriend both watch porn that it wouldn't be bad. I was mad, figured it was over, so I didn't care. However, I started to feel bad and talked to her about it. She said she was a lil' mad but just not to do it again, she didn't seem too upset. So, I guess I'm wondering where should we go from here? We both have doubts and that's the first time I've done something like that. So I don't know if I should stay with her to see if she's going to get a job and help out (like she says she is) or if we're better off apart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses everyone. kahlan- I agree with you in that being what I would actually prefer a girl to do. Forgot to mention I had problems with her not telling guys she was taken, because she didnt want to hurt their feelings or something. Or because she didn't want to be seen as mean. A few friends have told me that I should just be single and focus on myself for a while. (that may be best) I honestly don't know if the relationship is worth salvaging.lovebot - yeah, if she didn't live with me the situation would be better. Because I wouldn't have to worry about her as she would be living elsewhere. It feels bogus to say but this relationship seems so dysfunctional, there are times I broke up with her and she either didn't get that it was over and begged me to take her back. A part of me still cares about her, but at the same time I just really want a new start and to just focus on myself.Karlos5021 -Good idea about taking the laptop I've thought of that. But we both know it shouldn't have to come down to that. As sad as it sounds. I had tried motivating her and being positive but like I said...she'll start doing good and then she just slacks off. I appreciate your time and advice.
A
female
reader, kahlan  +, writes (18 August 2012):
 Intellectially, you already know the answer to youre question! When you get a job, I think you'll be expected to keep her going as i really doubt she is seriously looking for a job. Is she really worth it?
If you are both watching porn-fine. But being alright about you chtting up other lassies on the internet-I would have dump you in a second, so you need to ask yourself 1.Is the relationship worth it? 2. Ask yourself what she was lying about? and most important 3.Do you love her enough to put up with all her crap?
GOOD LUCK.XXX
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A
male
reader, lovebot +, writes (18 August 2012):
If you were together but she didn't live with you, would the situation be better? It maybe too late to go backward though. I'm hesitant about moving in with someone, personally, since it's like getting married without the promises and greater sense of commitment.
On one hand, it seems like it's just this one issue that is bother you...but on the other hand, it shows a lack of character to say you are looking for jobs but don't...putting the burden all on you. I'd consider this to be a red flag.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): Maybe if you can find the time, you could travel around with her and look for jobs, be a bit more involved, it will give her some moral support and maybe a bit more confidence if she lacks that too. People are known to be defiant, so throwing your orders about is just going to make her rebel from doing as you say.
Also perhaps take the laptop to work with you, that way she will have to find other things to do during the day (Preferably clean up) as oppose to sitting on facebook all day (Example).
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