A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:The man that I have been seeing for the past 3 months left to travel around South America for the next 6 months about 2 weeks ago. We were very much "together" before he went away and spent as much time together in those 3 months as possible. I had it all worked out in my head how I was going to deal with this situation because I know that I am going to miss him so much. My plan was to work really hard, save some money and stay busy while he is gone. I intend on waiting for him because I care so much about him. I just poke to a girl that I know on the phone who said that I am crazy to wait around for him and that I should move on as though I never met him because she thinks that I am probably going to get bad news when he gets back (basically saying that she thinks he will have a physical or emotional affair while he is away). Now I feel completely and utterly lost and insecure about the whole situation. This man does not have a history of being a player and has only ever had one one night stand in his life. I really trusted him but the girl that I spoke to today has made me feel like a dreamer.Before he went away he said that he had no intention of going away to meet women (it is a work/research trip) and that if we feel the same way about each other when he gets back then we know that it was meant to be.Should I move on with things? Or do I wait for him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (30 March 2011):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Kahlan. I will be communicating with him while he is away through email. He has been gone 12 days and I have had 3 emails and a few texts from him.
The day before he left he said that he was not going to be sleeping with anyone. A few weeks before that he said that he couldn't promise that he would feel the same way when he returns which I totally understand because no one can know how we are both going to feel later on.
The girl that said these things to me knows a girl whose boyfriend went away and he cheated on her a lot and caused a lot of problems between them, so I think that's why she thinks I am ridiculous for waiting. She is obviously immature and I think that she feeds off other peoples problems. She likes other people to be sad.....the drama. I was having a wonderful day. I had started a new job and was feeling great about everything then she poked her nose into my business and was asking me questions like 'so if he is intimate with girls when he's away, are you going to forgive him and still be with him' etc.
What's annoying is that what she said to me has really bugged me. It is still worrying me now. I definately won't be spending any time with her anymore and I don't want to think about those things. Am I ridiculous for letting what she said get to me?
Back to the original plan which was to ride it out and see what happens and spend time with people that are supportive instead of screwing my mind and confidence.
A
female
reader, kahlan  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 Will you be keeping in touch while he's away through e-mails or letters? If you are then you will probably sense if he's pulling away. Before you spoke to this girl though, you were happy enough to go along with your plans to keep yourself busy until he comes home.Did he say he planned to come home to you? You said he's not known to be a player so if i were you i would just continue like you planned to and not let what she said get to you.If you move on as if you never met him, then he comes home expecting things to be the way they were you'll probably wonder "what if?" especially if you really like him.You're friend may be right, but i take it you know him alot better than she does, so can you really see him seeing someone else while he's away? You trusted him before talking to you're friend. Nothing in life is completley certain, but 6 months isn't really that long.Wishing you the best of luckKahlan.
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