A
female
age
36-40,
*ilMissV
writes:I've been with my boyfriend (Daniel) for 16 months (since April 2008). The relationship was quite serious from the start as we had know eachother for a while already, we fell in love quite quickly. Around October 2008 to December 2008, we drifted apart due to career responsiblities and I thought we were on a break, when I said this to him, he said he didn't think we were on a break. We got back together at the end of December. Anyway we've had our ups and downs, but it's generally been good.--Daniel is a doctor and in August 2009 he started a new job further away from where he was before. We haven't been able to see eachother due to his long working hours, and we've not been able to speak as his phone has broken, so we've had to email eachother. I noticed on facebook that a particular woman (Tina) had commented on his status a few times, and I got quite wary even though the comments were quite innocent, I just had a feeling. So I did something pretty low, I asked my friends friend (Adam) to add Tina and talk to her, see what she says. They started talking and somehow Tina brought up the conversation of someone she was seeing in the past, a doctor, she met him through work, she's a nurse. Adam didn't ask too many questions just enough for her to open up. Tina said that she broke up with this doctor in January 2009, they had been seeing eachother for 8 months, so thats since April 2009. Tina said that it was sexual/physical relationship, which had no future, and they both knew it. She said that she enjoyed his company and since she had just separated from her husband. --I was heartbroken. How could he have done this to me? The first 8 months of our relationship were a sham and all lies. I would have been more understanding if it was during the time we were on a break but it wasn't, back then he even said that he thought we were together. I remember he spent so much on me over that Christmas, when we had got back together, was it because of guilt? I haven't confronted him yet. I don't know what to say. Would he admit it? Do I tell him that I asked somebody to snoop for me? What happens now? --I feel such a fool. In I've been in 3 previous relationships, 1 of which was serious, but every single time I've been cheated on. Why? He knew this. He knew from the start that cheating on me was the worse thing he could do to me. It took time for me to trust him. He would always say that he wasn't like those guys, he was different, I could trust him. The thing is, I did learn to trust him. And not so long ago, I told him that if ever they came a time when I would have to choose between my parents and him I would choose him. More the fool me.--I don't have many people I want to talk to about this, we don't have many mutual friends, or people that know us as a couple.
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a break, broke up, cheated on me, christmas, facebook, fell in love, got back together, heartbroken Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): Do you love him? I understand it hurts but you have to decide if you have it in you to face another breakup and start searching for the special person all over again. What if the new guy that you meet in the future ends up being a bigger cheat.
I suggest you have a conversation with him saying that you understand that he was seeing someone else and try to find out if it was just lust or an affair. Propose marriage and if he is serious about don't the future of your relationship then he will be positive about it and if not then waste your time in feeling bad as it will happen again sometime in the near future.
Its easy to change a person but very hard to find a perfect match. The search is never ending for that perfect man. So better discuss and make him admit to his mistake and try not to take long break as there are too many options these days both for girls and boys.
A
female
reader, LilMissV +, writes (23 August 2009):
LilMissV is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso I'm 100% certain that the doctor she was seeing was Daniel. In that conversation, she mentioned that the person she was seeing in the past had bought a specific new car and named it something. It's the same car as Daniel and it's the same name.
She also said that they remain good friends, and he still calls her every now and then to see how she is. Daniel rarely calls me, we always text but don't talk much on the phone.
Whether she exaggerated for Adams benefit I don't know, but Tina doesn't have much of a reason to lie to Adam.
It's not good at the moment, I just keeping thinking about it over and over and over again. I can't get it out of my head. I've begun to question our whole relationship.
I remember a few weeks ago we'd been out together and had a bit to drink and we had a rather drunken conversation about trust and infidelity and he said to me that he had once asked himself how he would react if I came to him one day and said that during a night out I had had a drunken kiss with someone. He said that he would end the relationship. I remember saying that I wouldn't do that no matter how drunk I was, because I know how it feels to be cheated on. After I didn't think much of it, but looking back now, it's made me so angry, a complete hypocrite.
Not talking to him, about this is honestly eating away at me. I just can't get it out of my mind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Some individuals are very good at compartmentalizing their lives. He could be one person with you and someone different with someone else, and not feel conflicted.
That he cheated on you 8 months is unacceptable. I was in a long term relationship, and was cheated on for 3 months in the latter part of the relationship, and I was crushed. The deception is what gets to you. I don't think there's any recourse other than leaving.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): I was in a similar situation..i was with a guy for almost 10 years and towards the end i found out that not only did he cheat on me for a couple years but he also had another child with that girl...If it was lies from the beginning...trust me when i say LEAVE HIM..If hes going to cheat on you esp! from the beginning sweetie he's totally NOT worth it. I was completely heartbroken when i found out but i had to pick myself up quickly bc at the time i had a 2 year old son. Don't let this man fool you..If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you he would not have done that...I hope this helps...
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A
female
reader, ivette_santos  +, writes (21 August 2009):
WOW i know its hurting inside i know whats being cheated on its really painful just tell him u found out dont tell him u were snooping though tell him u met some gurl named tina on facebook and she told sombody u knew that she was with ur boyfriend.Honestly men dont admit when they cheat and if he does follow ur heart.Think bout it would u want to be with another person that u learned to trust and deceived u?i just think that u should confront him as soon as possible dont hold anything in.Good luck u could contact me anytime..
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A
female
reader, kahlan +, writes (21 August 2009):
 If it was me id dump him.He knew about your being hurt in the past and so it makes it worse that he,s done the same to you.If you decide you want to try and work things out,you will both need to talk to each other.He will have alot of making up to do.Just remember though,if hes done it once he can do it again.You are worth better than this.Love Kahlan.X
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