Planning on meeting my online lover soon, but my husband feels lonely and left out
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 35 year old woman in a 12 year old relationship, 10 years of which I have been married. My marriage has been a happy one and I consider my husband to be my best friend. However, there is a problem. 3 months ago I met a woma...
A. 17 October 2005: You are not in love, you are in lust. Be realistic, turn yourself back to your husband and your life with him, because you can't find hapiness stepping on the feelings of other people and making them miserable.... (read in full...)
I discovered my husband in bed... with my Dad!
Q. I am 24 years old and from Wigan, Greater Manchester in the United Kingdom. I came home from work yesterday to find my husband having sex with my father in our bedroom! Even worse, I heard it has been going on for a year now and I never knew! I...
A. 17 October 2005: You must immediately tell your mother, regardless of what her reaction may be. Be upfront and honest with her. Do not try to "take care" of your mother right now - she will manage -- begin taking steps to care for you and your son!
Under... (read in full...)
The girl I like will kiss me any time I want her to... but she already has a boyfriend!
Q. There is a girl that I like. I told her how I feel and I kissed her. She even kissed me back but she tells me that she has a boyfriend. I don't understand because she kisses me any time I want her to. Does she like me or is she confused as well? ...
A. 26 September 2005: It means she is cheating on her boyfriend with you! How would you feel if she were your girl and went around kissing some guy any tme he wanted?? Food for thought... good luck!... (read in full...)
Stuck in the middle... Do I choose with my heart or my head?
Q. Never, ever felt so utterly confused in my life. At least there are no kids involved. I married my partner, Tom - not real name - (of 6 years) 2 and a half years ago. I never so much as looked at anyone and 'thought' I was happy...until someone ...
A. 26 September 2005: I can't help but think you are doing this sort of backwards. You are supposed to NOT be married and find yourself interested in other men! First and foremost, look inside yourself and the drama that has become your life. Are you really happy ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my attraction? Do I say something or keep it to myself?
Q. I met a man just two weeks ago (at work). He is amazing. He has been dating someone for the past two years though. I don't want to come between him and his girlfriend but I want to let my feelings be known. Is this something I should keep to ...
A. 26 September 2005: Yes you should keep your feelings toward a man who is attached to himself. Regardless of whether he is showing you "signs" is not the issue. Be a strong woman of character and remember, if you ended up with this guy for some reason, how could you ... (read in full...)
How could we go from lovers to friends to... this?
Q. My ex dumped me about 8 months ago due to an illness I had, which was at the time unbeknownst to me and him. I didn't discover for a couple of months after the break-up how incredibly sick I was. When we broke up, he was adamant about remaining ...
A. 26 September 2005: I feel badly for you. It seems as if he didn't have the courage to come right out and break it off with you, so instead sent you a bunch of information that made him feel better, and sent you off in another direction.
Regardless of what he ... (read in full...)
Should I make a move on the hot, funny and intelligent guy I work with?
Q. I have a bf have been with him for three years in November but I am not sure how I feel about him anymore because I find he is too controlling and we have not much in common. I just started a new job and have met this new really gorgeous, funny, i...
A. 22 September 2005: Sorry.... I meant to type "your time would be better spent on available men who are looking!!" ... (read in full...)
He hurts me and threatens more harm... but I can't just kick him out? Can I?
Q. I am 19 years old. I have been with my boyfriend two years next month. We had a "great" relationship at first, not really, at first I was blind. I had an apartment and he was staying with family friends. Short story, he moved in. Five months l...
A. 22 September 2005: Value yourself more than this walking, breathing trainwreck of a man! Of COURSE you can leave him -- kick him out (with the police there!) -- you can do anything you want to!! Look inside yourself and find the power that is there :) Good luck!... (read in full...)
Should I make a move on the hot, funny and intelligent guy I work with?
Q. I have a bf have been with him for three years in November but I am not sure how I feel about him anymore because I find he is too controlling and we have not much in common. I just started a new job and have met this new really gorgeous, funny, i...
A. 22 September 2005: You seem to be missing the point. This guy has told you that he is happy with his girlfriend and to not text anymore. Why can't you respect his wishes?
Your time would be better spent focusing on unavailabe men who are looking.... (read in full...)
I'm disappointed in my arranged marriage. Every other woman looks more beautiful than her...
Q. Hi, I got married some six months ago..I had seen my wife 2 times before saying yes to this relationship. Typically that happens in arranged marriages. I find every other woman more attractive and beautiful then my wife. She is an average looking ...
A. 22 September 2005: I have never heard such self-centeredness! I think you need to re-assess your perspective, my friend. Ask yourself "What can I do for our marriage" rather than pick apart the woman you are married to. Aks yourself "what is special about her"? ... (read in full...)
Beer with his buddies is more important than time with me... Am I selfish to want to start over?
Q. I have been with my husband for about 10 years (8 married). I have a 16 yr old from before we met. I love him and we have never cheated on one another. I am not interested in any other man and he is not interested in another woman. I am however ...
A. 21 September 2005: I feel so bad for you. Here's good news: everythin gcan change for you! Being sad and alone is a very good reason to let go of someone who isn't a real partner. He should be the person you can GO TO when you feel sad and alone, not the person ... (read in full...)
I'm apparently not "the one" my boyfriend is looking for, but he wants me to stick around anyway...
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for 3 months. We met on the internet and hit it off straight away. We have loads in common and everything is fantastic. We both agree on this! But after 4 dates he told me I wasn't 'the one'. We carried on seeing e...
A. 21 September 2005: Do you need a brick to fall on your head girlfriend? How can he "not want you to break up" when you aren't even together? Basically, he's telling you he wants all the benefits of a rlationship without any of the responsibilities of one. Please ... (read in full...)
I'm on eggshells most of the time, trying to avoid getting into an argument with my partner...
Q. My partner and I have been together two years. He has only said 'I love you' to me once, in the very begining. He says he doesn't know if he loves me and he says 'sometimes I do', but he never actually says those three little words. We argue a ...
A. 21 September 2005: I think you are carrying around alot of personal baggage that is causing you to stay with this loser. I have to agree with Rebecca on this: it is time for you to move on. Remember that everything he does is showing you who he really is, and I ... (read in full...)
Does the reduced interest in sex, plus the dating-website profile equal "cheating"?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years and we had a great sex life for the first two. As with any relationship the sex tailed off but he is always 'up for it' whereas I am often stressed and tired from work. He had been having trouble ...
A. 20 September 2005: I think you know exactly what's going on here. What are you waiting for? Do you really believe that there is any plausible explaination for his behavior??
My suggestion is to say something to him, but choose your words carefully. Perhaps ... (read in full...)
What can I do to make our 3 1/2 year anniversary special?
Q. Hey everyone, I have been in a very loving relationship for almost 3 1/2 years now...and that is where my question comes up. My 3 1/2 year anniversary is coming up and I really need help as to what I should do to show my boyfriend how much I can and ...
A. 20 September 2005: Ask him to marry you ;)... (read in full...)
The breaking-up with me was bad enough... but the sick lie made it worse!
Q. G'day Several months ago my then girlfriend told me her younger brother was dying from recently diagnosed terminal brain cancer. Over the next four weeks i was unable to see her as he was being treated, but spoke to her and her family weekly on...
A. 20 September 2005: Hi Andy :) Don't try to rationalize this type of a lie. It goes beyond rationalization, into a really dark place I don't think you need to go. Instead, realize that everything a person does shows us who they really are. Be grateful this one and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he'll change his behavioural problems, but in the meantime he yells and screams...
Q. Help! I'm living with my boyfriend. He is 26 and I am 35 years of age. I've had to move two times because when ever we argue, he yells, screams, and or damages the apartment. I've lost about 2500 dollars in security deposit and damages. He has ...
A. 20 September 2005: You remind me of Renee' Zellwiger in the movie Jerry McGuire when she says "I love him for the man he almost is and for the person I wish he would be"...
Do you know there are plenty of men with "lots of potential" who know how to react appropri... (read in full...)
My son can see his dad, but I don't like him being around Grandma!
Q. When my son was 2 years old I decided to file for child support since he had a deadbeat dad that would not come around. After I did this, he took me to court to get revenge and get visitation rights. I think a lot of it had to do with his wicked ...
A. 20 September 2005: When I split with my ex I had to take mandatory divorce classes because of our children. One of the things I learned is that when your ex takes the children on visitation, as long as they aren't doing anything against the law then you really need ... (read in full...)
My husband rubs himself... and rubs... and frankly, it turns me off!
Q. My husband is always rubbing himself. When he watches TV, he slowly rubs one foot over the other, and back and forth. It drives me crazy. He also rubs his thighs, and sometimes his arms. He also sticks his hand inside his shirt, and hangs his hand ...
A. 20 September 2005: It sounds like your husband is suffering from some type of Obsessive-Compulsive behavior. He really can't help it, and if her were to try to stop for your sake, it would cause him significant anxiety. I suggest you talk to him about seeing a ... (read in full...)
I can't get over her past with her ex. I feel like her second choice!
Q. Girlfriend's Past and present I have been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now and I love her more then anything. She is amazing and she loves me so much. The problem is I can't get over her past. I know this is standard. A lot of guys have...
A. 20 September 2005: It doesn't sound like either of you are ready for a mature, committed relationship. Do yourself and her a favor and agree to back down from your current status and give it two or three weeks, then reassess. If you find that you are relieved and ... (read in full...)
I don;t want to hurt my girlfriend's feelings, but I just don't feel the way I used to!
Q. Hi I am 22 years old and recently went overseas for a year to study. My girlfriend and I were very close before I left and now that I am back, we still are. The problem is that for some reason I just don't feel the same way as I used to before I...
A. 20 September 2005: Well you have to put your feelings aside and think about this girl who has stuck it out with someone who she has no real future with! You owe it to her and yourself to be honest about your feelings. You must do this as soon as possible, and tell ... (read in full...)
My fiance cheated on me... with my 17-year-old sister!
Q. I broke up with my fiance about 5 months ago, because I found that he cheated me with my sister. She is only 17!! Six months ago, My fiance and I met my sister by chance. And then I found that he often lied to me,the same as my sister . And ...
A. 14 September 2005: I'm so sorry. I want to say "don't waste your tears" but tears are necessary and I think you've earned the right to cry some. Having said that, keep in mind that this is a time when you can indulge yourself - look inside and use this experience to ... (read in full...)
Mum and my husband were having sex! I feel sick!
Q. I am 21 and my new husband is 23. We have been married for 2 weeks now. I came home from work one day to find my husband in bed with my mother kissing and having sex! I can't face either of them and feel sick to the stomach after finding out th...
A. 14 September 2005: I am so sorry this happened to you. You are an innocent victim here and there is nothing you could have done to control two other people's actions.
Please take time now and focus on yourself. Do not make excuses for them or accept any "explain... (read in full...)
Best way to punish my boyfriend for his deception? But still forgive him...
Q. How do I forgive my boyfriend for deception, but still make him know he can never do it again? My boyfriend lied to me about something major (not just a little lie). There are parts of our relationship that are wonderful and I'm willing to give it ...
A. 13 September 2005: My advice to you would be to look at this from a different perspective. Instead of you "punishing him for his deception" think of this as "he needs to accept responibility for his choice (deception) and find that there are consequences to his ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend prefers to stay up with porn than bed me. Am I too idealistic?
Q. I moved in with my boyfriend 6 months ago. So, maybe i'm too idealistic, but our pattern has gotten me down. I go to bed, he stays up and masturbates to porn on my computer, thinks he erases it from the history, (but isn't as computer literate as ...
A. 13 September 2005: Please trust your instinct on this one. You are absolutely not "too idealistic". Porn can be great fun for two people in a consentual,monogomous relationship -- but when the impact of one partner is so offensive and disprespectful to the other as ... (read in full...)
Engaged last December, but he keeps putting back the date of the wedding!
Q. My boyfriend and I have dated and now live together for over 6 years. We got engaged last December but keep putting back the date because he has issues with his disability. I love him but I don't know if I should keep going on or just tell him it's ...
A. 12 September 2005: I think you know what you need to do intellectually, but your emotions are tangled up in the mix. Clearly you love this person, but he is clearly sending you a message you are not receiving for some reason. You mention his disability being an ... (read in full...)
Our relationship is in trouble, but I want to fix it. Can it be saved?
Q. My relationship with my girlfriend is going bad to the point we will most likely break up. I want to fix it, but she does not seem like she wants to. Can it still be fixed?...
A. 7 September 2005: You haven't specifically said why you feel it is "going bad and will most likely break up" so... my advice to you is to ask her directly in a non-confrontational manner how she feels the both of you could improve your relationship. Every ... (read in full...)
My husband can't show any emotion...
Q. My husband, who may I add is a wonderful caring man, is not interested in sex or kissing and has never masturbated or cried in his life. I feel like I am cracking up. I just want to feel something from the man I love, but it is now getting me down ...
A. 31 August 2005: Please: do not walk - RUN to get counseling for yourself! The answer to your question is that you can't do anything if he doesn't see that there is a problem. You don't mention if you have spoken to him. How does he feel about your needs? Ask ... (read in full...)
After a disagreement, he wanted time to think, but I ended it instead!
Q. I need help ASAP! My boyfriend of 2 months and I had one of our disagreements and told me he needed a couple of days off to think and cool off. I didn't think he needed to think about anything, it wasn't like it was a MAJOR decision he had to think ...
A. 31 August 2005: You may have acted too quickly. You need to talk to him and see what his perspective is on the issue. What you may consider trivial he may consider important. Its all about balance.... (read in full...)
Do I tell him about my finished affair, and risk losing his love?
Q. Hi, I'm a 20 yr old girl. I wrote an anonymous question about an affair I had on my partner of 5 yrs. I'd like to thank the people who answered my question; it gave me a wake up call. The advice was fantastic but now I have another issue! I ha...
A. 31 August 2005: Don't tell him. Take it from me.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't include me in his social groups...
Q. My boyfriend has recently started going out with both male and female friends every Saturday night. He tells me the weekend before that I can also come, but then mid-week he tells me it's only work or some other excuse. We both work and don't g...
A. 31 August 2005: Definitely the best approach is to be honest with him. Tell him that you love him and your time together is priority to you and you want to spend the weekends with him doing fun things. This includes going out with his friends, and maybe you will ... (read in full...)
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