| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my husband for about 10 years (8 married). I have a 16 yr old from before we met. I love him and we have never cheated on one another. I am not interested in any other man and he is not interested in another woman. I am however very sad and am thinking of giving up. I am left alone up to four nights a week while he goes out drinking with the guys. When he is home with me - he watches TV or eats while I clean or do projects on the home - we maybe share 10 mins. of conversation. He is not interested in anything I have to say or snaps at me when I have an opinion. I have not "let myself go" like so many women do when we are unhappy, so It can't be that he's unhappy with how i look.I have tried therapy on my own and as a couple. But within a month it is right back to the same old grind. We have moved into seperate bedrooms and I am not interested in sex with him anymore. I feel He puts NO effort into our relationship - If I want to go out with him - it's with his buddies and it's not as a couple... EVER. I am most always the only girl out with them when I do go. I have tried getting us to have a "date night" where it's just us and we try something new - that lasted one week - then it got in the way of guys Poker night. He never comes straight home after work - always stops off with a buddy for a beer 1st. I wish I could come 1st sometimes.I just feel like we are living together as room mates. I daydream of getting my own place and having my own life. Dating has not crossed my mind. I just don't want to be a worker bee for another man who will not give back. I work and match his income and run this home on my own - with no help - picking up after everyone and getting very little in return. It hurts - because I love him - I'm just not IN love with him anymore - I am getting turned off more and more. Many nights are spent alone - and maybe a few tears are shed. I know this sounds crazy - But is being sad and alone a selfish reason to start over on my own? - Or am I being selfish wanting to fill my own needs. I know that I am just holding on till my child is out of school or I would have moved out by now. Is there a way I can change ME - and How I am feeling? Will I ruin the last years of high school for my child If I leave now? Is there any "right" answer for this situation?
View related questions:
moved in, moved out, not interested in sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Happygoddess +, writes (21 September 2005):
I feel so bad for you. Here's good news: everythin gcan change for you! Being sad and alone is a very good reason to let go of someone who isn't a real partner. He should be the person you can GO TO when you feel sad and alone, not the person CREATING it, right?
Trust me when I say that your child is well aware of how miserable you are, and how you are being treated. Don't be naive and think kids don't know. I bet if you asked, they would tell you to be happy. Kids want their parents happy. The best thing you can do for yourself and your child is to put the responsibility back on your husband where it belongs. Things can and will change when you implement change! Good luck :)
A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (21 September 2005):
The only way you will change your feelings is if he changes, and it may be to late for that. You are in no way being selfish wanting to fill your own needs. They should be filled and he should do his part in making sure that they are.
Marriage is a constant compromise between a man and woman. Unfortunately your husband wants you to do all the compromising. If you have talked to your husband and done everything that you feel you can do to make the marriage work then maybe you should try a seperation. It may jolt him into reality. Sometimes we don't realize what we have until it is gone.
Your child probably knows that something is wrong between you two. Talk to your child. See how he/she feels about you and your husband separating for awhile. It might be better for them too. Good Luck!
...............................
|
