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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband, who may I add is a wonderful caring man, is not interested in sex or kissing and has never masturbated or cried in his life.I feel like I am cracking up. I just want to feel something from the man I love, but it is now getting me down and I am wondering if I ever will feel something from him. He was abused as a child so maybe it is that. I have shown him so much love but to no avail. What can I do to help him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2006): i am in the same situation a u and i feel like i need to meet some one else to make me feel loved and honoured we have 3 kids together and i have never cheated on him but the way i feel lately is i want to.so i no how u do feel
A
reader, pops +, writes (31 August 2005):
NOthing. Of course the abuse is the reason he is an emotional cripple. He needs professional help, and you need to move on. He is incapable of loving you, or anyone, and it may take years to overcome the scars he has. This is not the kind of thing any wife can help or change. In fact, he is probably feeling guilty because he can return your love, so you are actually part of the problem for him. He has turned you into being a mother figure, who cooks and cleans for him, but with whom he has no sexual feelings. Stop. Get out, and get him help. I hate to see nice guys lose themselves, but you can't help him.
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A
female
reader, Happygoddess +, writes (31 August 2005):
Please: do not walk - RUN to get counseling for yourself! The answer to your question is that you can't do anything if he doesn't see that there is a problem. You don't mention if you have spoken to him. How does he feel about your needs? Ask yourself what there is in YOU that is so accepting of a man who won't have sex with you or show any emotion. Please take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (31 August 2005):
 People who have been abused often end up having personalities which make it hard for them to show any emotion at all. This is due to all those times they 'went inside themselves' whilst being abused to get away from what was really happening. After a long period of time, they kind of just freeze. Nothing goes in or out, no love, no emotion, nothing. It doesn't mean they don't care, they are just so used to hiding their feelings and feeling ashamed that they don't know how to let anything out.
This is very sad and it sounds like your husband needs some proper couselling. He might not like the idea but tell him how you're feeling and ask if he'll give it a try just for you. I'm sure you're marriage will improve if he can learn to show his feelings but he won't be able to let go of the trapped pain inside him without professional help.
Good luck and stick by him, I'm sure he's a great man and he deserves a chance. You sound like a wonderful wife to care about him so much and I hope everything works out for you.
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