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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 24 years old and from Wigan, Greater Manchester in the United Kingdom.I came home from work yesterday to find my husband having sex with my father in our bedroom! Even worse, I heard it has been going on for a year now and I never knew!I felt so sick and disgusted I fled the house and went to my mum's. She doesnt know about this yet - how do I tell her?What should I do?? I also have a young son by my husband too.Carla Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2005): My son is very young and starts nursery soon.
Unfortunately my dad and my husband did a runner - and I feel disgusted knowing that my husband's "business trips" were sex sessions with my dad!!
Carla
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A
female
reader, Happygoddess +, writes (17 October 2005):
You must immediately tell your mother, regardless of what her reaction may be. Be upfront and honest with her. Do not try to "take care" of your mother right now - she will manage -- begin taking steps to care for you and your son!
Understand that you CAN control your future from this point on! I'm so sorry you have been hurt in this way but press on and be glad to know of it now rather than later.
Your father and husband must live with what they have done, and you would do well to steer clear of the both of them. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Finally, find yourself a good therapist ASAP to help you through this - good luck to you.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 October 2005):
 I'm willing to be the farm that your mum DOES know but is has decided to ignore it or maybe she's in denial about it. But I'd definitely have a chat with her. Then I would go and get myself a divorce so you can bring your son with your values and find a man who has his head screwed on correctly. You deserve much better than this.
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (17 October 2005):
 This is very serious and you do need to tell your mum. This has been going on too long and she deserves to know. I don't really know what else to say, I can't imagine how you are feeling to be in this position! Good luck and be strong :)
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female
reader, FlowerFaerie +, writes (17 October 2005):
Hi Carla. I'm so sorry, this must be a huge shock for you. I think it's important that you tell your mum what you know. She will appreciate it coming from you, and you can both help each other better if you are in the same position. Speak to your husband: you can either offer to give him a chance to regain your trust, or you can chooose to let him go. Also talk to your dad, he needs to know how you feel, again offer him a chance to regain your trust. If neither your husband or father succeed in proving themselves to you, you will still have your mum by your side.
As for your son, i urge you to allow him to keep contact with his family, though it may be difficult to accept he is as much a part of their lives as well.
Do your best to be truthful to everyone, most of all yourself.xSx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2005): I feel so sorry for you, honestly. But there's not really an easy solution to your problem. Have you spoken to your husband and father, what do they intend to do about this? The way I see it, you shouldn't be the one to tell your mother, they should. If you tell your mother, you will automatically and unknowingly feel responsible for their actions, you can and should ask them to tell her, in your presence offcourse. After this is done, you should have a talk with your husband to determine what the cause for this was, find out how you are going to handle this as adults and parents. The most important thing to remember here, is that your son comes first, no matter what. You cannot allow this situation to affect the stability in your sons life. If you do decide that your dignity and self-respect is more important to you, than your "bi-sexual" husband, and you leave him, remind yourself constantly that you are a strong and determined woman and mother, and nothing and no-one will strip you of that. You can still be a great mother and a loving partner to someone that deserves you. As for your relationship with your farther. I guess it all depends on how your relationship was before this incident. In time everything will work out. I do believe that everything in our lives, happen for a reason. Whether it's good or bad, the point of it all... so that we can grow stronger within ourselves, and learn out of life's little mishap's. I wish you the best of luck, and believe that you have the strength to make it through this. xxx
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