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female
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*amsel10
writes: My husband is always rubbing himself. When he watches TV, he slowly rubs one foot over the other, and back and forth. It drives me crazy. He also rubs his thighs, and sometimes his arms. He also sticks his hand inside his shirt, and hangs his hand above the button, while he rubs his chest. I can't watch TV while he engages in this repulsive behavior. I have asked him to stop, and he acts highly offended. It is making me cool to any sex, as it seems to be such odd behavior. Please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005): Most spouses do view annoying habits as a lack of respect especially after the offending spouse has been asked to quit. This in fact, can lead to lack of romance in a marriage. Perhaps the two of you just need to change a few underlying issues in your perceptions of each other. A lot of married couples get caught in this trap-when things are not going well, emotionally and otherwise in their relationship. They "nit pick at each other". However, if this is simply just a bad habit, share your feelings with him about it. Brainstorm and help him become aware of it. He needs support and affirmation, not criticism or nagging.
The only way to get rid of a bad habit is for him to recognize it and then replace it with another more positive behavior. I think he needs to become "aware" of what is triggering the rubbing and once he knows that-he is concious of the habit. Some examples of triggers are:
stress, tiredness, frustration, etc)
If he's a wonderful & great husband to you in all other aspects, and you are getting critical and nagging him..you need to stop. You will jeopardize this marriage doing that! You need to change your way of thinking to a more supportive, positive attitiude. We all just do that for the people we love and respect. Don't be overly-judgemental if you are doing this. Patience & love toward him will help him recognize that he needs to "work at stopping this habit". He needs to know he is appreciated and loved no matter what little " annoying' habits come about. So my suggestion is-appreciate his goodness, his committment, his support and try hard not to let this "habit" get the best of you. Just get to the "gist of WHY he's doing it" and help him overcome. But do it lovingly! I hope this has helped and good luck in helping him.
Hugs,
Irish
A
female
reader, Happygoddess +, writes (20 September 2005):
It sounds like your husband is suffering from some type of Obsessive-Compulsive behavior. He really can't help it, and if her were to try to stop for your sake, it would cause him significant anxiety. I suggest you talk to him about seeing a doctor to diagnose the cause of his behavior.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005): I think you have other issues with your husband than just this rubbing thing. You need to do some self serching to see what is really bothering you. In the meantime, why don't you offer to give him a back rub while you watch TV.
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